Do Men "need" Sex, If So, Why?

[Friday]

A lot of women will say their husband or boyfriend needs sex more than they do.

True. And statistically, most men have a higher libido/ stronger sex drive than most women.

But that also means that there is a minority of women who have a higher libido/stronger sex drive than most men, and a minority of men who have a lower libido/ weaker libido than most women.

Which makes it a very personal thing, at the end of the day. Meaning whether 2 people fall into the biggest part of the bell curve, or somewhere on either side? Depends on them, as individuals.

Using need in that capacity, as in what a person needs to be happy/fulfilled... For the rest of this post

As a woman, I don't need to have sex, I could easily live without it. I won't suffer if I don't get it.

As a woman I do need to have sex, I cannot easily live without it, and I do suffer if I don't get it.

I'm also in the minority of women than tend to have a higher libido/stronger sex drive than most men.((Although most of my boyfriends and I tend to line up sexually, that's more by design than accident.))

One of my love languages? Is physical touch. Which compounds the sex thing (it's possible to have a high libido, but have a different love language).

In a relationship, both sex & physical touch are both fairly high up on my priorities list.

If a guy's "love language" truly was physical affection then why are there so many guys who ONLY care about sex (intercourse and/or oral----getting) but act like women have cooties when it comes to cuddling or holding hands or even kissing?

LMAO... It makes sense if you flip it around, Eve... Women (or men) who want cuddling, but get all "No! Not sex! Cuddle. Just hold me!" :confused: Which makes no sense to me, whatsoever, until I flip it around the other way.

 

[anonymous]

suffer

how do you suffer without it?

 

[Silver.]

^^ I am not going to answer for Friday, but for myself, there is a very deep and intimate bond that both my s/o and myself feel when we are having sex. It isn't just sex, it is a deep exchange of emotions that while you can somewhat get with cuddling and such, you can't quite get it without sex. I need to be able to feel those emotions, the hunger and need that we both are exchanging. It is a great feeling, a validation of our love, (and an O is pretty nice too)
x
edit: I also want to add that there are so many different types of sex. Especially for my s/o and myself. We are constantly changing things up and still able to feel the bond that connects us. Then the lulls, or the changes in libido. Sometimes I want it all the time, and he can't keep up, or vice versa. We go through lulls where it is okay if we don't make love very often. I think that is part of the relationship.
I think with casual sex, you don't get that exchange that I previously described, and some people are okay with that. I personally am not.

 

[Friday]

how do you suffer without it?

My stress levels jump through the roof, my anxiety spikes, my temper shortens, my overall sense of connection fades, my self esteem takes a hit, longing, loneliness, sorrow, desire, disappointment, various kinds of pain and unmet needs, increased PTSD symptoms of many kinds... & my libido skyrockets. Which, at low levels is enjoyable*, but at a certain level, is as distinctly painful as crying from exhaustion or anger/hopelessness from starving.

Spoiler: More complete answer

* My libido being enjoyable at low levels vs painful at high levels? Is the same difference feeling-wise as being pleasantly tired & having the warm slow glow & weightlessness when perfectly ready to sleep vs tears of exhaustion; or 'starving' aka anticipation of drooling over a steak after a long day working hard, vs actually starving & so hungry after a week of not eating that your stomach stopped cramping to your backbone days ago, and all that's left is despair, shakiness, and a deep ache in your bones.

...

Sex is many things to me.

Predominantly, it's everything that's right in the world :happy: Whether it's a casually fun bit of exercise, a much needed stress relief, or a deeply meaning exchange between the very best of loves... and everything in between; also from no thinking even remotely possible / operating on pure instinct and action/reaction, to playfully lighthearted, to planned seduction. It's one of the very best parts of life. I love sex :sneaky:

It's also my absolute favorite grounding tool & stress management device. Nothing, but nothing, grounds me as quickly, thoroughly, or completely. The level of connection required? Unparalleled. Meanwhile the fiery passion of sex? The sheer level of physicality involved? While also grounding, blows off stress like nobody's business / best form of exercise & all body workout, even before one considers the massive chemical reset. It's just 12 kinds of oomph! All wrapped up in one neat package. :D Hell yeah! ....Masturbating? Pfft. Masturbating is to real sex what puny little water misters on a hot day are to plunging into a swimming pool; a pale imitation, nowhere near close to the real thing. My PTSD symptoms jump tenfold, at least, when I'm not having sex regularly. :banghead: :arghh;:mad::facepalm: I can & do substitute as many other coping mechanisms as I can to replace sex when I don't have it, but none are as good, as effective, as healthy, or as fun.

...

And those are just 2 areas; taking 1 goodness away, and adding 1 f*cked up thing = both suck hardcore. There are more. But all the pain that's directly no-sex related + increased PTSD symptoms? :wtf: Ugh. More than enough!

 

[scout86]

Ideally, sex can be a gift between 2, people who care about each other. It's something you do WITH, and for someone, out of love, not something someone does TO someone else. Although, obviously, sometimes it's that.

 

[illusionist]

@ anonymous. Sometimes we get bogged down with work, life etc and to be able to come together...connect both physically, and more importantly, emotionally is really important to us....to me. An orgasm means so much to me.....it is love, trust, acceptance...as well as the obvious......feels fantastic!

I do understand why people don't want/like sex.....I used to hate it because of my issues with childhood sexual abuse, but I never tarred every man with the same brush. Yes, I was often dubious, but maybe had the self awareness that I was guarded.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

My stress levels jump through the roof, my anxiety spikes, my temper shortens, my overall sense of connection fades, my self esteem takes a hit, longing, loneliness, sorrow, desire, disappointment, various kinds of pain and unmet needs, increased PTSD symptoms of many kinds... & my libido skyrockets. Which, at low levels is enjoyable*, but at a certain level, is as distinctly painful as crying from exhaustion or anger/hopelessness from starving.

You have a hand though..... ...... Yeah, all Im saying on that as I have the highest sex drive known to man lol. But "need" is a flexable word but the way I see it, yes all of these happen but you wont die and have a hand therefore if one of the partners "needs" sex and the other one doesnt want it, like @anonymous's example of just laying down for a man and let him get his when you dont want to, thats where i draw the line on a man's "needs". If he needed it that bad to make me lay down for him when i dont want to and dont use the god given hand then i dont need to be with him (pun intended)!

 

[illusionist]

Neither myself nor my partner just couldn't have sex if the other didn't want it....the thought is just...no! All want, or need would just disappear...interesting thought.

 

[Friday]

You have a hand though...

An orgasm is the absolute least / smallest component of sex. It's really not important to me. It's the interaction with the other person.

yes all of these happen but you wont die

=

Using need in that capacity, as in what a person needs to be happy/fulfilled...

+

As a woman I do need to have sex, I cannot easily live without it, and I do suffer if I don't get it.

As outlined above.

If he needed it that bad to make me lay down for him when i dont want to a

Ah. But that's not sex. That's rape. Totally different thing. I have no need for rape in my life.
Need for sex to be happy/fulfilled? Yes.
Need for rape to be happy/fulfilled? Not only no, but hell no.

 

[watundah]

Funny how this topic was about men but we women hijacked the conversation. Maybe that says something about it, too. One of the men got very defensive and make a quick exit. No pun intended.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

That's rape.

Not if i didnt say no and willing laid down though i didnt want it...nor enjoyed it.

 

[Mafia_Science]

I believe guys don't need sex just like women don't need sex. You won't die without it. I personally think it's the way society is that gives people the idea that men "need" sex and women don't. Stupidly, it's more acceptable in society for guys to talk openly about sex than women, which gives people the false assumption that guys "need" sex.