Do Men "need" Sex, If So, Why?

[EveHarrington]

Oh wait I have one more point!

If a guy's "love language" truly was physical affection then why are there so many guys who ONLY care about sex (intercourse and/or oral----getting) but act like women have cooties when it comes to cuddling or holding hands or even kissing?

Love language explanation does not jive for these sorts of men IMHO.

 

[watundah]

I can totally understand why a woman, especially possibly a sexual abuse survivor would post anonymously.

Interesting word choice, "combat" re.sex.

The dynamics of love are way more complex than the mechanics of sex. I think Eve is right about separately looking at each.

I would wager that most women know how it feels to be pressured and used for sex and the degrading feeling that accompanies that. It has nothing to do with love.

 

[anonymous]

Thank you Watundah and Eve.

I am just trying to figure out why it's so important to men. And.. Not really that important to a lot of women.

It has nothing to do with love.

I completely agree with this.

Why is it so important for men to have sex, when they can achieve the same result (orgasm) with their hand or a toy?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I was really trying to figure out why it's so crucial, even to the point where some men will say they have needs, and that sex is one of them.

"Men have needs", "women have needs" is a sex drive which varies. It isnt just men. I want it up to, but can be more then, 8 time a day and if not then Im climbing the walls. But a "need" has a definition: (noun as that's how its being used):

1. circumstances in which something is necessary, or that require some course of action; necessity.
   "the basic human need for food"
   synonyms: Link Removed, Link Removed, Link Removed,Link Removed, Link Removed
   "there's no need to apologize"
2. 2.
   a thing that is wanted or required.
   "his day-to-day needs"

Ok, so how do you define "need" in this thread? 1: "the basic human need for food" or 2: a thing that is wanted or required.
"his day-to-day needs"?

It sounds more like 2. Therefore this guy you are speaking of has a high sex drive and apparently is an ass if:

men think it's a woman's duty to sexually pleasure them.

And side note, not all men think that and many have made it their duty to pleasure me and not care if they gain pleasure. Its a plus that most men cant keep up with my sex drive but still, I dont allow "if you want it and I dont I still lay down for you"! If there is a time I dont want it (very rare), or cant (more common due to pain) then he doesnt get it. He's got a hand!

Sex drives varies from person to person. Testosterone is one of the biggest factors. Im swamped with it due to PCOS which is a huge factor but also my trauma plays a big part. But thats why mostly men have higher sex drives. They generally have way more testosterone then women.

Also "give it to me even if you dont want to" is an ass an not the majority of men out there. I know this because I was a prostitute and still go "on the prowl" and can have sex with 10 or more different men inside of a week. A lot want to do nothing but pleasure you, most have common courtesy ("are you liking it to?", "does that feel good too?" Types of things) and then you have the asses. However, just like most things, generalizing into "men think it's a woman's duty to sexually pleasure them" is flat out wrong.

 

[illusionist]

I fail to understand why certain women think that men just want us for sex, generally.

Yes I've had men in my life who just wanted me for sex....because we had nothing much in common otherwise. I just failed to see it, at the time.

But I've had far more relationships where I spent more time with them enjoying life together than having sex.

I personally ' need ' sex with my partner, just as much as he does, to maintain the deep bond we have...as well as all the selfish emotions and feelings it gives me.

 

[watundah]

@illusionist I agree with that.

I suspect that some women who feel victimized or have never had a validating relationship would be less likely to see both types.

 

[anonymous]

Illusionist, may I ask why you need sex to maintain the bond you have with him?

 

[Deleted member 541]

I know a Dr that said, that men who do not have sex and or climax enough, have a higher incident of prostate cancer. He was a guy though, so who knows... Lol!!!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

that men who do not have sex and or climax enough, have a higher incident of prostate cancer.

Not been proven, a theroy per most credable sites ive read. Think of priests and other celibate for life people. Ive not heard of prostate cancer running rampent in the priesthood.

Ive also heard plastic containers to store food cause caner, cell phones, other nonscense.

 

[EveHarrington]

I fail to understand why certain women think that men just want us for sex, generally...

CSA-----

Which primed us to believe that we are -----only----- good for sex.

That belief led us to "put up with" (for lack of a better term) guys who only wanted sex.

Past experiences told us this was the "norm" and then you have the added complexities of trauma re-creation and trying to conquer the past.

"If I can get him to want me for more than just sex I can PROVE that I'm good for more than just sex!"

------Often subconscious but rarely works. (I've don't this for years-----all of my adult life pretty much.)

And this is just scratching the surface of my experiences. I'm sure, I'm positive-----that others have different reasons for thinking/believing that guys only want sex.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I have the belief that im only good for sex, sex is the only thing im good at, my genitals the only good part on me, i need to be used, abused, beaten, injuried, hurt, during sex etc due to my trauma but being a prostitute, you meet many men for sex. From the weathy, to the famous, to the business men and CEOs, to the husbands & fathers. My experience, even as a prostitute, that there are more men out there more intrested in your pleasure than their own and because most refuse to hurt me, I have to secertly make it hurt.

As for "need", everyone has hands and ive never seen anyone die from lack of sex. Obviously a natural urge but thats all it is, an urge.

As to your orginal question, why, testosterone.

 

[Joseph King]

I have read that book, The languages of Love. It's worth reading because it has a little test at the end for you, and for your spouse/partner, whatever. I learned that I had a different love language than the woman I was with. Everything made more sense. It's not a sex book. It's about how you like to give love and how you like to receive it. Examples, gifts, contact, etc..
Joseph :)