Do You Cry In Therapy?

[Notsowild]

My psychiatrist and psychologist say I do not cry enough. They say for what I've been through I should be crying more. I get teary-eyed but never really cry. I have never cried during or after my accident. I'm not really a big crier at most times. I also feel numb and dissociative most days. I'm also highly medicated. Does that keep you from crying? Any advice? Is their a "Crying for Dummies" book or self help "How to cry" lol

 

[Jane.l]

I have never cried in therapy and I presume that's because -like you I am very dissociated - and don't really attach emotion to traumas .

I very very rarely cry and hate it if it ever happens it makes me feel very out of control and dark .

I am not sure if there is any point in forcing it - surely you have to feel it in order for crying to be helpful in anyway ?

 

[maryel42]

i don't typically cry. People who I've talked to in the past, friends, counselors, etc, have said that I don't cry enough; but they also don't pressure me to do it. It's more of a passing comment.

That said, there are times when I do. Very weepy days. Not huge, full on, my trauma was so horrible and I'm so horrible for having it happen to me sobs. I call those weepy spells "my eyes are leaking". Because that's how it feels. They just drip. Slowly, constantly, most of the day.

Crying can help. I do find that, sometimes, and it's an awesome release for some of the pain. Healthier, certainly, than my dissociation. Your experience may be different. This is what I like to tell myself, and it's a great way to explain it people whether in more casual settings or in therapy. "I can laugh or I can cry. I can find the humor, black as it is, or I can drown in the pain of it, because if I start crying I will never stop."

As far as crying for dummies? I have a couple book series, couple of chapters in each that always tear me up. On a day when I think I'll benefit from letting my eyes leak a bit, I go back and reread those books. But forcing it to make someone else feel that you're having a "better" therapeutic experience? Don't.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I cry all the time. I can count the number of sessions I didn't cry on one hand, and I've been going for over 2 years. I also can report trauma with no emotion. That is not unusual. I also am dissociated a lot, but I still cry. You are who you are, and if you don't cry much, it is just a part of who you are. I didn't allow myself to cry until I was 48, so I have a lot to catch up on.

There are some medications that make me feel like a zombie, so I don't cry. I hope you feel better about this, and maybe ask your therapist why noted that.

 

[Caterpillar]

I pretty much never cry. Not when my ex tried to kill himself in front of me, not when my mom almost died, not when I witnessed my fiance being abused by the medical staff who were supposed to help him. My mom cried all night after seeing that and I later found out my usually-stoic best friend was crying the whole time I was texting her, but not me. Others come into my support group and cry through their stories. I just flatly state what happened. It's not that I don't feel anything, but I don't have the slightest idea how to express it. I just get dissociated and emotionally blank.

Though the only therapy I'm in at the moment is DBT which doesn't really lend itself to people crying through sessions.

 

[franciemarnie]

When I got off meds, I cried every day for months after decades of almost no crying. Meds for sure shut you down.

You will cry when you are ready.

I don't think anyone can say what you "should" be feeling and doing. Go at your own pace. But be aware the drugs do bury feeling.

I was shocked at the amount of sadness that came pouring out of me. I thought it would never end. Tsunamis of grief. But they did end.

 

[Em C.]

I've cried but never in therapy. And after the most recent trauma I don't really cry at all.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

"Should" is not really a word that should be used in therapy. haha no pun intended. (I think this is part of basic CBT?)

If you're medicated, that could keep you from crying. If you're numb, that could keep you from crying. Do you have problems feeling other emotions as well? If so, I'd find one of those smiley face type charts of emotions and use that to start helping you identify what you're feeling. They gave us these while in the trauma hospital and it really helped.

 

[Springer80]

You really shouldnt be worrying about this and your therapists shouldnt make such prescriptive statements when your obviously internalising it as criticism.

Perhaps they could prick you with a pin or give you a chinese burn, if they're so concerned with ticking crying off the list?! ;)

 

[Notsowild]

Thanks everyone for your great responses. My psychologist wants to do exposure therapy but he said I showed no emotion when I talked about my trauma. So it sounded like he wanted more emotion from me to do exposure therapy correctly. Does that sound right?

 

[Rumors]

I don't understand how you can determine what is "enough" crying as defined by your therapist? I am not a crier, but I don't have an aversion to it. If I feel the need, I would, but usually I just don't. However, that doesn't mean that I don't get sad or feel sad, but I just don't express that sorrow in the way of tears. I am perplexed as to why your therapist feels as if there is a quota you should meet. Do you feel sadness? If so, have you shared that you feel emotions but just don't express them in the way of tears?
I have no idea what is right or wrong. I certainly have no sound criteria to judge whether or not he is being reasonable. However, I can commiserate on not crying. Good luck on your journey!!!

 

[The Albatross]

Largely dry eyed in therapy and stoic except for stress tears (those ones that come out the outside of your eyes).