Do you ever feel depressed around the anniversary of your trauma?

[SeekingAfrica]

I was raped 7 years ago, it will be 7 years in few days, and lately everything has been so hard. I mean lately there are a lot of reasons for it being so hard too. Hardships with my present, future, troubles from my past. I've had other traumas in my childhood and trying to reconcile them lately...Deep depression lately...

I took my reaction as accumulation of all happening lately, but it's also the first week in a year of me having nightmares every night again and having trouble falling asleep. I kinda forgot it was coming up, the anniversary, but I do tend to have a lot more low feelings and take things harder as the summer comes around usually. With and without reason. How can I be sad around a date if I don't even consciously ackknowledge it? May be as I was already having tough time now, this is just making it worse. Or may be all the stress lately brought it all up and it had nothing to do with the timing, not sure anymore...

 

[Hooper]

I do but it was not my trauma it was my wife's. She was date raped on New Year's eve. Been together 17 years but only known that for the last 2 years. The first 15 it was "last chance for 20??". The last 2 have been bad. I'm high drive and don't even attempt on New Years. This is just someone who nothing happened to who loves someone who it happened to many years before I even knew her.

 

[Friday]

Even during my good years I'd hit a run of insomnia every fall. Always forgot it was coming. Always took me a few weeks to realize; oh right, this again. I had another few times of year that I would take these seemingly spontaneous vacations (always over almost the exact same dates :rolleyes: ). I really never parsed it until other were like "It's almost time for your march week long holiday, isn't it? :O_o: Say what??? What are you on about? I don't take a week off every year in March. And yet? Sure enough, a few days later, "Kiddo! Grab your boarding gear. I just booked us for a week in the mountains." :facepalm:

Now that I'm back in bad years? I'm a hot mess during certain times of year. November is just a shit show. February, March, & May have some bad runs in them. There are a few other places, but those are the big ones. Some I can tie to specific deals, some I can't.

I am terrible with dates. Anniversaries birthdays etc are not things I remember. But, for whatever reason? Year after year, the same patterns persists.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

I do but it was not my trauma it was my wife's. She was date raped on New Year's eve. Been together 17...

Even during my good years I'd hit a run of insomnia every fall. Always forgot it was coming. Always took...

Thank you! That makes me feel a little less crazy. I feel so distracted at work and with everything this week. I wasn't feeling great already, but this week is like a new low, and it seriously scares me. Can't take vacation though, sadly. I'm kind of a mess so much right now, in every single aspect. It makes me feel really hopeless, although I keep trying to push through it somehow.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

yes, every time, it affects me, and there are many dates involved. Including my own birthday, and xmas.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

yes, every time, it affects me, and there are many dates involved. Including my own birthday...

Thank you for saying that! How do you get through them? Mine is on Monday:/

 

[Deleted member 37085]

How can I be sad around a date if I don't even consciously ackknowledge it? May be as I was already having tough time now, this is just making it worse. Or may be all the stress lately brought it all up and it had nothing to do with the timing, not sure anymore...

Thank you @SeekingAfrica for this thread about trauma anniversaries and honestly, I've survived so many horrific trauma events that I'm grateful that for most I am not aware of most of their dates. One of the many books that is helping me deal with the multiple (too many to count) trauma events which I'd learned about here in the forum is called, The Body Keeps The Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel A. van der Kolk. This for me profound book about dealing with all of the aspects of trauma has some very relevant information about how the body, etc. remembers all re trauma events thus keeps the score re the trauma memories. I have this book and it is helping me deal with the aftermath of countless traumatic events that only my body and mind remembers on a merely subconscious level (anniversaries). I too am not (am unable due to lack of knowledge about trauma dates except for a few) consciously sad and aware of all trauma memories events.

Struggling so with sleep issues related to my body, mind, etc. being so repeatedly brutally traumatized and stress you talked about well, I am trying so hard to keep it (anxiety and stress) to the minutest level possible whenever possible! (even isolating for brief periods at a time to achieve same) and hang in there and know that you're not alone. Again thanks for this (for me) timely and very relatable thread. Hug for you if you accept.:hug:

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

How do you get through them

It depends, sometimes I have to tell people like when its my B-Day, that it is painful and that I appreciate them wanting to celeb my B-day but its going to make me feel bad. Last Xmas my cousins tailored XMAS activities around my ptsd. Generally I try to treat those days as if they don't exist and therefore are like any other day of no significance