Thanks Sandra and Gigi for your responses, that was hard to write and something I'm not sure I'm glad I did, but your responses helped. Ironically, it was the horribel lie I told in adulthood that was the trigger to beat all triggers that tore open the packing tape on the past in the first place, and so some day, maybe I'll even be thankful for it. That's what I try to tell myself anyway.
And of course I didn't really address the other aspect of your post Gigi, about lying to protect yourself from the nature of your past. Gosh, I did this for years, right up until lasst year in fact. It can't have been that bad... my parents were just sick, confused, didn't know any better... I deserved it... it was all my fault...
Some of these internal lies die easier than others. As I said, I wonder if some of them live on forever.
God, this makes me cry.
Maddog
And of course I didn't really address the other aspect of your post Gigi, about lying to protect yourself from the nature of your past. Gosh, I did this for years, right up until lasst year in fact. It can't have been that bad... my parents were just sick, confused, didn't know any better... I deserved it... it was all my fault...
Some of these internal lies die easier than others. As I said, I wonder if some of them live on forever.
God, this makes me cry.
Maddog