Poll Do You Have Secrets About Your Trauma That You've Not Divulged To Your Therapist?

[freakofnurture]

There are no specific things about my past that I keep secret from my T*, but I don't tell her when I have cut myself. If she asks, I'll answer honestly, but I'll not bring it up. I just don't like to talk about this topic with people who never did it themself. Also my T told me that she can't handle self-injury very well. I don't want to cause her distress.

I keep secrets all the time, though, from my husband, my conversation partners... I'll leave out things about my day or lie about what I'm currently doing. It gives me a feeling of privacy, invisibility, distance and autonomy.

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*EDIT: Woops, except those three sexually explicit events that I still have to write about here (the last one).

 

[becvan]

Nope I have shared everything that I know and even what is suspected to be hidden behind the amnesia. I am very very honest with her and it helps me. That's all the counts in my book.

bec

 

[aditi]

Yes, too much shame. Still blaming myself, but getting better.

 

[bittersweet]

I didn't hold anything back from my T but at the same time he really never touched on what I needed him to. He kept focusing on the symptoms and not the cause for it and how to manage that. It was almost as if he was uncomfortable or unwilling to deal with it. I have since stopped going to him.

 

[Sterre]

No, I don't hold any secrets toward my T. At least not when it comes down to trauma talk. But acctually we don't speak about that to often.

 

[Kb3]

I have told my current therapist everything, because I trust her and feel that she knows what she's doing. The progress I have made because of the good therapeutic alliance alone has been incredible.

I had another one who I tried to process the trauma with for about a year and a half and I would just keep skirting the issues I didn't want to talk about. I just didn't trust her and felt she was out of her depth, but also didn't want to go through the effort of finding a new one. In a way it was a distraction to go to her, but it was obviously also a waste of my time and money as well. She was one of those T's who would always compare my situation to other patient's that she was treating and she made it quite clear that she didn't believe what I was telling her by saying that it didn't matter if it were true or not, the important thing was that "I" believed that it was. Nice, huh? I also knew WAY more about her personal life than I should have, and finally, my lack of confidence in her, and her lack of professionalism got to me, so I gave her the boot.

I have been involved with many other wacky mental health professionals over the years; one so bad that he was struck off for sleeping with suicidal patients, another that was in it purely for the money, and a couple that were just drinking the kool aid themselves. I've learned the hard way that just because they're the ones hanging the shingle out it doesn't mean they're qualified, ethical or sane.

It is VERY hard to find really good mental health providers, they are as rare as hen's teeth and I feel very, very lucky to have a good psychiatrist and therapist now.

 

[caliaviator]

Yes, but it has to do with the military, and me and my therapist are focusing on my childhood at the moment. I think once we tackle the childhood part and we go into the military part I'll be at the point where I'll be able to open up.

 

[shadowchaser]

Some things I don't talk about. I know I should but they are too deep and too painful. I can't do it.

 

[OKRADLAK]

He's gotten to the point where he winces when he thinks I am about to say that I was raped by someone. I have started to censor myself.

That is awful!! I hate when you know they either don't care or feel disturbed by what you have to say. It is so hard to find a good T. That guy seems to be at that level when they get disturbed or bored or not believing ------at the beginnings, T's are all ready to help and then they get overwhelmed, bored, or whatever.......Eeeck.I would never go back to that creep.

You have to be made to feel important and validated. That is their job as well as to help you heal. You have to feel safe, validated and like you can trust them.

(((Muzik)))

 

[Sethe]

I think I've told her most of my history. I do have problems revealing current fears/phobias and the reason is embarrassing. I'm afraid that they will happen if I do- kind of an 'OCD' or 'CDO' thing... I think most of these fears are related to my trauma. I really want to get to a spot where I can talk about them openly, but they are just way too scary.

 

[cherryblossom]

Yes, I do have some secrets from my therapist. Basically my SH tendencies. Whilst I'm pretty sure she knows I have cut, and still cut, I don't talk about it. Although she will say things like "this week try to do nice things for yourself instead of self harm".

But my biggest secret from her is my O/D's. The first time she found out I O/D'd she behaved very maternal towards me, took things easy with me in therapy. She seems almost reluctant to push me, yet that is what I need. I have O/d'd a couple of times since then, but I haven't told her, because I don't want her to go easy on me in therapy. It's hard to explain - but no, my therapist doesn't know everything.

 

[Lucycat]

There are some aspects of the trauma I am just too uncomfortable to discuss. If I were asked direct questions I would answer them honestly. But I am not going to bring them up if he doesn't.

I don't really feel like I am keeping secrets though. It has probably never arisen in discussion simply because my answers would be pretty standard for the type of trauma I suffered.