Poll Do You Have Secrets About Your Trauma That You've Not Divulged To Your Therapist?

[missing_the _sunshine]

This is a massive issue for me, that I am trying really hard to work on. My last couple of T sessions I have written some things down that I have never told her before and then given it to her during the session. There are still so many things that I know I need to divulge but I am just so scared. I realise its not going to happen overnight and get so frustrated that I can't just 'spill the beans'. She knows everything about the accident but not everything about my other issues. My last GP appt may have made me go back into my shell a little bit but will hopefully will be peeking my head out again soon.

 

[SimplyComplex]

I think it is pretty official I have no more secrets but I cant really update my answer. If i have not told her things it is because it just hasn't come up or I dont remember it.

 

[Emilie]

I'm not comfortable with a therapist. I keep fearing they'll lock me up and throw away the key because I'm just too crazy. I don't want more people saying "oh she's a basket case". I just constantly feel judged.

of course...growing up that's always been the case for me... you can't hide a secret from small town people. I didn't even have to open up to be made fun of and treated like crap.

 

[Lucycat]

In the past 2 months, since my previous answer, I have told my T heaps more. It was a surprise to me that I wanted to tell him. Don't get me wrong, it was far from easy, but I did it in an e-mail and just said all the stuff that I didn't know whether was important or not. Everything just spilled out in that e-mail, and afterwards I felt so liberated.

My T understands the shame and guilt I have lived with all my life and keeps repeating that he will not judge me. That really helps, and I do trust him so much. I know without him I would not/ could not have come this far. He is teaching me that I should not judge the child that I was. I am sure now, that it is harbouring that shame and guilt that caused me to have the CPTSD in the first place, so dealing with that is a huge deal, and I am feeling so much better for it.

I'm not comfortable with a therapist. I keep fearing they'll lock me up and throw away the key because I'm just too crazy.

Yes, I was like that in the beginning. I felt so crazy and was convinced I was going to be put into hospital. But constant reassurance that I am not/was not crazy finally got through my thick skull. I can see now that the feelings of craziness are just another PTSD symptom, and will pass. I no longer feel crazy....... until the next time:)

 

[just me here]

so many therapists and so many traumas, I might withold info in the interests of brevity or just plain forget which T has heard which story, but thats not keeping a secret now, is it?

 

[a3a2]

Its part of therapy training... one of the first things, but the stupid thing is... therapist are trained not to push and upset their clients, instead to respect them and encourage them. Encouragement unfortunately doesn't get secrets out... getting into a person face and upsetting them gets the truth out real quick...

I think my t missed that part of training. When I told her I had a violent upbringing, but we wouldn't be talking about that, she pretty much started yelling at me.

 

[anthony]

Therapy unfortunately, is like medicine... there are known scenarios that just work (cut and dry approach), then there are those that are more exploratory, come trial and error approach.

 

[Tinyflame]

I agree with Anthony and sometimes I think too it helps to just ask the right questions, 'ask' at all, for that matter.
I've heard that works much better for Vets, re: SI.

 

[just me here]

The only bad therapists I have had are the ones that are convinced that drugs are the only answer, and a refusal to try or retry or use an "off label" prescription is like a refusal to work at getting better. They don't hear much from me, I have even just got up and walked out on them, but thats not keeping secrets, thats just not accepting them as partners in the business of getting better. I wouldn't tell them what I had for lunch, even if they asked. Got a pill for that?

 

[imbunky2]

Yes, because of legalities (past and present) concerning abusive family members. I tried (unsuccessfully) to handle it alone, and eventually reported it to the appropriate agencies. My counselor was well aware I was bothered by 'something serious' but I kept saying I couldn't discuss it because of "legalities". It's a crime that those in counselling cannot openly discuss their problems, because of the threat of an agency's 'mandatory reporting'. I wasn't ready for it, until I WAS ready for it and had exhausted all altenatives.

My counselor, of 10 yrs, was fantastic! She never gave up, as frustrated as I'm sure she became. The main lesson she taught me was, "When you don't WANT to come to counseling, is when you NEED to come to counseling." She retired several months ago. I miss her dearly.

 

[LawPhotos]

I agree with Anthony and sometimes I think too it helps to just ask the right questions, 'ask' at all, for that matter.

Yeah, that ability to just ask the right questions may have won a major victory for my T. She caught me by surprise in a recent session when I was talking about something completely different, she suddenly interrupted me literally in the middle of a sentence and said, "Did "x" ever happen?". It completely caught me off guard and was so lightning fast that all I could do was say, "I'm not going to answer that question." Well, gee, I'm sure that answer fooled her!:confused: :oops:

Unfortunately, it was so shocking I immediately went into just about the worst dissociation I've ever experienced. I don't remember much for days after that, just that I couldn't speak and could hardly move --it was like I had gone blind and mute as well as out of touch. I only have a vague sense of being different places and sometimes functioning during those days. I think I really freaked her out. We just barely glossed over my dissociation (but not the subject matter) in the next session and she hasn't mentioned any of it again. I told her that I didn't remember what she had asked me (yes i feel uber guilty about that but I couldn't handle it--I am even totally triggered right now). Since then she hasn't touched the topic. I think she is really afraid of triggering that severe dissociation again.

It was so far from anything we've ever talked about I am still perplexed at how she ever got to that. Now I live in fear every time I go back that she will bring it up at some point. I am devastated that anyone even senses that that might have happened. I am seriously debating whether to even post this on the off chance that somehow she'll read it!:cautious: PTSD paranoia reigns supreme!

 

[Lori-ann]

To me, telling people things about myself is leaving me vulnerable to being attacked with it later, and just because someone is a T, doesn't mean they won't hurt you

I totally understand you here and feel the same about most people in my life. Over the years my guard have come down a bit, but underneath is still an irrational fear that most people want to hurt me. I am working hard on trying to see this other ways, but it's really hard to trust and open up when the what-if is that your own safety is in jeopardy.