Do You Hide It?

[whserenitynluv]

I hid the fact that I had ptsd until I had no choice:/. My T stated that to make change I must be open... Not necessarily degrading myself, but one issue I have because of it is communication, so slowly in certain ways we have come up with ways to release the pressure and open up. Still treading in that water actually. If people don't like it, she said they aren't worth my time, the point to recovery is support., and a bag of coping skills that are healthy.

I also have had people tell me I'm weird, and it hurts because this makes you feel weird. It's hard to stand or express what's up, be accepted. The thoughts that would come up would over run the truth and in the end I ran away, feeling alone and almost hyper paranoid. Thank Goodness she explained that is normal.


Now, I could care less today. People are going to say what they are going to say.... Some say that I am narcissistic. My own client even "randomly" said that yesterday, for the second time. I just looked at him and asked two questions. Is the president narcissistic? Yes he said
Second question after his huge talk about war and killing and that it was ok and the story behind the narcissist and that he drown? Wtf?
I looked at him " is organized crime narcissist?" And walked away... What an asshole


I guess my point is to get to a place that saving your soul for love is more important than anyone's opinion, even mine..
You being here helps me, thank you for your post,
Hugs :)

 

[PTSD and Me]

I admire and respect everyone's opinions on this topic. It's such a hard decision and like a few people have mentioned, once you disclose, there's no going back. You can't un-ring a bell, as they say. I have made the decision to be very public about my PTSD. For one thing, when I startle, I tend to startle the whole room along with me. Then people get mad at me if they don't know I have a disability and might even yell at me. That, of course, makes things worse, because I will either startle some more or I might yell back until they shut up. The only way I can get away with that is if I have previously disclosed at work as a person with a disability.

I tell people pretty quickly when I meet them that I have PTSD. For the most part reactions are good. People don't ask how I got it or what happened to me, even if I want to tell them they don't seem to want to know. Ok with me! I'm a short blond woman with no military service, so I get the sense that most people don't feel threatened by me or feel that I am a danger to others. I have even gone so far as to do a presentation for employers in the Boston area saying that I have PTSD and here is how you might recognize someone else with a hidden disability like mine.

I arrived at the decision to do this even though the stigma is so strong, and I have had problems after I disclosed, because I can't take the shame I am evidently supposed to feel. I will shoulder the responsibility of disclosure and advocating for myself and educating others and exposing myself to judgement and harm, but I will not be ashamed. There are people who are responsible for my condition and I remember every single one. None of them has to take on this responsibility, they don't even have to acknowledge they caused it, and that sucks. They did me dirt, so they should be the ones with the lifelong symptom management and advocacy responsibilities, but I guess life's just not fair. So it's me. I'll carry this heavy, heavy weight and I'll smile when I can and if people want to help me carry it sometimes, I will be grateful. But I WILL NOT hide my head. That's too far for me. I will live my life out loud and if I make some people uncomfortable, well, they won't be watching all their loved ones die in their nightmares that night, so I'm fine making people a little momentarily uncomfortable for the purposes of education and their learning that we are not mouth-foaming monsters biting people's ankles as they innocently walk by.

I have PTSD and it's ok. It makes me do things I would rather not, but it's ok. And I will tell everyone who will listen about it, so they can no longer go through life with the only comparison point for PTSD being what they see on the news.

Ok, rant over, sorry guys. You're all brave and awesome and perfect just the way you are no matter what decision you make about disclosure. Love!

 

[IWIK]

@ptsd I really wish I had that confidence...

 

[bell]

For me, talking openly about it means lessening stigma one person at a time, when they say or ask, "You?! You have PTSD? Really?" or "I thought just soldiers got that."

I've entered some of the fray on Twitter about PTSD and am shocked by the level of anger people have about people who have PTSD and aren't soldiers, talking about how we didn't go through experiences "our heroes" have.

I am very pro-soldier, but have found the discussion excessively ill informed, which to me means that the more that talk about it the better. Talking about it does not equal talking about what caused it. It means educating people about what it is and what the symptoms are.

As I get more and more public with it, people's reactions have been fascinating. And so many people have turned to me afterwards and shared stories of their own trauma. To me it's about letting the light in where there once was darkness.

@IWIK, I know I can't convince you otherwise, but we all are that brave. We just have to trust ourselves (which is easier some days than others) and be open where we can. We've had enough of the darkness; it's time to let the light in.

 

[TonyG]

I was a soldier and I did not get PTSD during my army life as we saw no action, But what did see as a result of a horrific accident has caused the same result, Horror is horror,

 

[Anrish]

I hide it in my profession (police officer). Only some colleagues who are also closer friends know about it.

Only my closer family knows about it. It was hard work for my parents and my sister to figure out this new situation. My grandmother avoids everything connected to the topic.

Some closer friends know about it but I only told them about it when there were common events. Most of the time nothing happend. But I felt at ease that I didn't have to pull myself together at all costs.

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

My sisters know but not my brothers and also my husband us aware of it. Work know and hve known for years but only seniors nd hr. I need to take time off too when I get my flashbacks . I'm not sure id want people to know coz I don't really think they understand due to no fault of their own ad I wouldn't expect them to understand and I dont need need sympathy I need understanding. I think their is a lot if stigma attached to mental health and as a manager I wouldn't wNt all at work to know. Some if my closest friends know and hve been very supportive, we don't discuss it but I know their available if and when I'd need their support. I didn't ask to have cptsd and it's taken years for me to accept the traumas weren't my fault so I prefer not to have justify my past to n e one.

 

[TonyG]

Due to my melt down last week I had to inform the operations manager about my problem, He sent me to HR where I was offered counselling and time off, not what I expected

 

[EmmaDancing]

I tell people who I can trust. Occasionally, I tell people who ask. My family knows only the barest details because I feel so ashamed talking about the things that happened with them.
I don't consciously hide it or lie about it, but I'm not very open about it either.

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

It's a shame really that we feel like this, if we had diabetes would we have problem about it or if it was epilepsy etc. ? I think as sufferes of PTSD it takes a lot if acceptance from our selves , we work or have to work very hard emotionally sometimes just to function so y shud we be ashamed or embarassed or hide it? We should be commended for just coping on a daily basis. We didn't ask for it , unfortunately it was traumas we have witnessed or had to face in our lives that's given us this diagnosis. There are times that I'd like to say to my staff who whine abt the pain of a wobbly tooth that pain is coming into work, facing the world when you've been whipped across your back with a leather belt that's what pain is!!! But then I feel guilty coz I think that there pain is pain too and how r they to know of my sufferings , I've become very Impatient with people who whine abt simple things in life , I think I've just become a selfish unsympathetic person and in not sure if I like that in me coz I generally am a caring person. Has n e else felt like this ?

 

[Karen12]

I hide it. The only reason anyone around me knows is I was trying equine therapy and the instructor told others. It was unofficial so there were no professional ethics preventing her but she still shouldn't have blabbed to others about her personal observations about me.

 

[EmmaDancing]

I've become very Impatient with people who whine abt simple things in life , I think I've just become a selfish unsympathetic person and in not sure if I like that in me coz I generally am a caring person. Has n e else felt like this ?

Yeah, I've felt that way a lot. Like, why are you whining about your broken fingernail when some of us are just trying to make it through another day without breaking ourselves, It's frustrating, and a lot of the time I get mad because it's just not fair (I sound like a kid but it's true) that some people don't have to deal with the stuff I deal with.
But I try and tell myself that everybody's been through shit, everybody has pain you might not know about, life brings shit on all of us, and that life isn't a contest as to who suffers most.
But knowing all that and trying to tell my mind that are totally different. :/