Do You Like People?

[Magnoliagal]

I used to be scared to death of people and avoided them as much as possible. With LOTS of therapy I'm no longer afraid but I still have little desire for friends. For the record I just got over my fear of people a few months ago. I also had a pushy user friend that I just got rid of.

Last night my husband commented "you don't like people". Is that true or is it the ptsd talking? I'm introverted and the only social interaction I care about is with my husband, my kids and online chatting. I'm quite content to have everyone leave me alone.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

There's nothing wrong with you, so please don't let everyone else convince you that there is!

We are all different. To some it is truly beyond perception that there are people out there who actually like to be alone. Some of us do better with just a few people close to us. Social butterflies with tons of friends will never understand this.

 

[Shellbell]

Magnoliagal, I am so glad you are over your fear of people. That really is wonderful.

I think people are all different as SOL said. Some people want lots of friends, some only need a few. Some are introverted like you, some people are more outgoing.

It is good you care about your husband and your children and you want to concentrate on them. Maybe your husband thinks you would benefit in some way to having a few close friends, but if you're not ready or in a space where you need that, then that's okay.

I guess it comes down to whether you are really happy with your social situation?

I have recently limited my wider circle of friends, to just a few close friends and I feel safer and more at ease with that. I have withdrawn somewhat due to anxiety, but I also recognise becoming agoraphobic and not having any contact with any friends isn't healthy for me, so I force myself to address some anxiety with going out and meeting up my few close friends on a semi-regular basis.

We are all different and have different needs at different times :)

 

[Red Feather]

My father always shut himself in his room. And my mother always blamed him for being anti-social. But I don't think it is black and white, because I know my father has an enormous ability to love and care for other people. I sometimes tend isolate, but it also doesn't mean I don't like people. I love people actually. Mostly I like people who are creative and open-minded. I love people who I feel comfortable with.

 

[rightkindofme]

I don't like people very much. People tell you what they think you want to hear, not the truth. I don't trust them and I feel a lot of hostility towards most of the world.

Now I like a lot of individuals quite well. But "people"-- heck no.

 

[BlueOrange]

I started liking 'people in general' quite recently, and that change in me is what has caused my most recent relapse. My defences against the Bad Things have to be rebuilt, because I've decided that 'people in general' are good, and even that 'Those Specific People' are OK. This made me feel that there was something horribly wrong with me, until I managed to work out how the Bad Things could have happened even though everybody involved was not a Bad Person.

I think that PTSD does make us think of the world as a horrible, hostile place. I think it's OK to have that negativity when you've had some very negative influences. (Being OK with the me that has PTSD is something I'm struggling with, that this forum is helping me with.)

I think that if you have enjoyable experiences with people, you may start to want more experiences with people. When those experiences are impossible to enjoy, it doesn't make sense to want them.

So, yeah, you're an introvert, with some good reasons to be introverted. If you think that you're more socially confident and powerful that you used to be, then exploring more social interaction is something you might want to do. If you don't want to explore, and your current level of social interaction is meeting your needs, then there's no need to explore.

 

[Philippa]

I don't like people very much. People tell you what they think you want to hear, not the truth. I don't trust them and I feel a lot of hostility towards most of the world.

Now I like a lot of individuals quite well. But "people"-- heck no.

This sums up how I have felt since I was 21.

I like some individuals, but as a species...nope. I much prefer animals.

I didn't want friends for years, and now that I have so few, and they are always busy with their kids etc. I am happy to be making new friends who I think are worth it. But I do like my me time still as well.

I was way more anti-social when I was 20. Things change. I've been feeling like I would like to be more social than I am lately, and getting to know lots of people again. I just need to find people I am comfortable around and I'm happy. I don't expect anything though...that just leads to disappointment.

Most people aren't trustworthy, but I'm lucky to know at least one who strives to be. People are imperfect, and so am I.

 

[Loner]

I hate them and love them, just like I hate and love myself.

 

[Anna]

Pretty much the same as loner. I am very moody and love/hate can change from one moment to the next.

I have friends, and have learned there is a good side to people.

However, generally I hate people. Egocentric morons most of them. All they care about is how much they have and themselves. Noone really cares. I could rant and rave for hours about the fetid putrid race of humanity....

I quite of switch on the news and just sigh. We humans are very good at one thing, killing each other and being generally shit. Most people I meet are shallow individuals who turn out to be hypocrites.

I will never ever trust anyone ever again. Ever.

 

[myvetswife]

I can be very cheeky and outgoing when I'm working, I have got to do a lot with people. But privatly I'm quite shy and trying to hide. I'm scared of people.

 

[Tanishq]

Magnoliagal, you are complete fine. Nothing wrong with you.

Edit: I am also one of those people who don't want to have many friends. All I care about is caring, loving and honest friends around me. Even if I have only one friend which fits this all. I am fine and sociable.

 

[BlueOrange]

I hate them and love them, just like I hate and love myself.

I've felt that way for a long time, and found that it tortured me. What helped (very very slowly) was a few things. I'm driven by a need to understand, and found that studying psychology helped me to see why people might do what they do. This led me to be able to understand common behaviours, which led me to be able to forgive common mistakes, which led me to be less angry, which made it easier to maintain relationships, which made it easier to start relationships...

I think that the love/hate experience comes from feeling "I want to love you, but you are not worthy". I think the key to this one is to know that it's ok to protect yourself from someone, even if you love them. Love only means defenseless ness in abusive relationships. But many of us here learned the rules of relationships in an abusive one.