Poll Do You Say Yes When You Really Mean No?

[jewel]

I have noticed that PTSD has gotten me into the habit of saying YES to many things my former self would like to do (dinners, karaoke, a date,) but my PTSD really means NO. Inevitably, I end up with anxiety and panic because I sad yes and then I have to figure a way out of it because I don't want to confront the person. Does anyone else share this kind of experience?

 

[Phaed]

Just last night I had to feign illness because I was having such a bad panic attack I wanted to sink through the floor.

 

[The Albatross]

I am getting better at saying no when I need to. But apparently I still have the habit of saying yes, even though it will cause me a lot of distress and anxiety, when I know it's the "right thing" to do. I hold my feet to the fire and do whatever it is and deal with the fallout later. It is uncomfortable, and hard and I am frustrated by the amount of conscious effort it takes. Though I can appear be pretty functional on the outside, it shreds my guts on the inside, and I'm tired of living this way.

My husband says I push myself too hard... to the point of emotional pain and backsliding.

 

[Grace11]

I actually "no" far more than I "yes" now. I used to say yes way too much but I realize if I don't firmly draw lines, it will wind up bad for me and whoever is with me. I've become very much a "no way and no excuses" person, pretty much the opposite of my former self....not necessarily good....I'd like to be more moderate.

 

[intothelight]

I seem to engage in a lot of "people pleasing" behaviors. Use to have some backbone, now I feel like a snail.

 

[Srain]

I'm like a 2yr old NO NO NO seems to be the first word out of my mouth all the time unless it comes to helping those with issues like mine. I want to help but I have no trouble seeing my limitations, maybe too well. Could be my fight or flight syndrome, I have it down pretty damn well. Once I got my own space or learned to take it I have no trouble fighting for it and if anyone tries to guilt me for changing my mind then then I only dig in deeper. I have the right to change my mind, I've always felt that way, was actually raised that way. I have enough guilt and it doesn't work on me, just pisses me off more.

My love that my husband is a more gentler man and is the ying to yang. I have learned a lot from him. It doesn't change my NO NO NO first and then I'll think about it HA!

 

[The Albatross]

Is anybody else actually finding this poll to be encouraging? No matter what other problems I have, I'm feeling like as a group we're most likely falling into a pretty normal bell curve for co-dependency issues at least. I know for myself, it has a lot to do with distrust of humantiy in general and people "who love me the most" more specifically though.

 

[The Albatross]

Whoops... just looked at the number of participants and it's too small a group for a generalization.
*doing my best Emily Litella impression*
Never mind.

 

[Heather]

I have alienated so many people that nobody asks me anything HA! Well, at least I can laugh about it. There should be a N/A choice.

 

[Reclusive]

I've gotten better about saying I won't go places I don't want to, but when people feel the need to come to my house I can't say 'no'. Like my fiance's dad - he wanted his hair braided and my fiance wasn't up yet so I agreed to do his hair for him. Luckily, my fiance got up before he arrived. I did make a step forward in telling him to call me when he's leaving so he wouldn't scare the crap out of me. He did call, but he still scared me. Le sigh.....

 

[moondust]

Jewel,
I can totally relate to this Yes/ No controversy. I constantly find myself saying yes to things either because I feel intimated or no to keep myself from being triggered. This did not happen before I had PTSD.

 

[Sethe]

I used to say 'yes' A LOT more than I do now.

I gave in to people. I felt like I had to or their wrath would be unimaginably painful.

Protection mechanism.

I have learned to say 'no' more than I say 'yes' when I really mean no. Sometimes I'm still triggered, I get anxious, fearful, afraid, etc. and I have to force myself to say 'no.'

It's work.