Do you tell those close to you when you're struggling?

[Gs172003]

I can relate to that! Actually, I relate to it enough that I'm afraid I don't have any suggestions.

Yeah..... if anything you say can and will be used against you, not much incentive to say anything, for sure. (I can relate to that too, and, as a result, haven't bothered to figure out anything constructive about talking about stuff.)

Any idea what could change (even if it involved magic) to change things for you?

Lord if only I knew.

 

[Skywatcher]

I have a few online friends that I met in an online support group for ptsd a few years ago and two local best friends. My husband is on a need to know basis. When my suds is a constant 7+ I let him know. That’s when it gets harder to hide.

 

[EveHarrington]

I can't do that to them.

Ok, so here’s a big part of the problem.

You are not prioritizing your own health.

Your excuse for not taking care of yourself is that you can’t impose on your employer? Because they are short staffed? Who’s fault is this? Not yours!

Until you prioritize your healing, you’re not going to move forward with getting better. You must make your health a top priority.

 

[Sideways]

People who I rely on I will let them know when things are getting dire. But when I tell them, I usually stay vague about the whole “what my internal experience is like” (which they don’t understand, and tend to freak out about since it’s usually related to being pretty suicidal).

What I focus on is what I want them to do with the information. Which can be small things (like, please excuse me being a space cadet, or excuse me being a bit short, or needing more sleep, etc), or big things (like, can you take over responsibility for X for a couple of weeks, or pick me up from my appointment, or...).

For me? The focus needs to be on “what do I want them to do with the information? What would be helpful for me?” The detail about my internal experience is overwhelming enough for me. So instead of dwelling on that part, I try and focus on what I want them to do with the information. It actually doesn’t help me much to have everyone know “Sideways is suicidal”. They just panic. But giving them a way they can help me? Is really reassuring all round. People can respond with action.

 

[Gs172003]

People who I rely on I will let them know when things are getting dire. But when I tell them, I usually stay vague about the whole “what my internal experience is like” (which they don’t understand, and tend to freak out about since it’s usually related to being pretty suicidal).

What I focus on is what I want them to do with the information. Which can be small things (like, please excuse me being a space cadet, or excuse me being a bit short, or needing more sleep, etc), or big things (like, can you take over responsibility for X for a couple of weeks, or pick me up from my appointment, or...).

For me? The focus needs to be on “what do I want them to do with the information? What would be helpful for me?” The detail about my internal experience is overwhelming enough for me. So instead of dwelling on that part, I try and focus on what I want them to do with the information. It actually doesn’t help me much to have everyone know “Sideways is suicidal”. They just panic. But giving them a way they can help me? Is really reassuring all round. People can respond with action.

That's perfect. Thank you so much!

Ok, so here’s a big part of the problem.

You are not prioritizing your own health.

Your excuse for not taking care of yourself is that you can’t impose on your employer? Because they are short staffed? Who’s fault is this? Not yours!

Until you prioritize your healing, you’re not going to move forward with getting better. You must make your health a top priority.

I understand what you are saying but there are alot of people that are relying on me. The staff situation isn't the fault of the facility either, it wasn't by choice it was cuts made by the city. So as much as it sucks I'm trying to be the best I can for them especially because they have been good to me.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

((( @Zoogal )))
In response to your question. I rarely tell those around me when I am struggling. I hate bothering people, and I got tired of hearing about it myself. My longtime T helped me immensely but I'm ready for some new input. I do know that it's good to open up and let it all out sometimes.

There aren't a lot of people to tell, and I learned a long time ago to be cautious about what I say to whom. Mostly, I don't want them to worry about me. My son grew up with my depression/anxiety so I won't add to his plate, and my surrogate daughter tends to overreact. My mom is 85 and we don't talk about anything deep...never have so never will. She's "up there or out there" but still functions fairly well.

I hope the employees where you work will straighten up their acts? You are one of the priceless workers that employers tend to overwork just because you ARE good! You have the work ethic that is missing in society...

Blessings to you...❤

 

[Gs172003]

((( @Zoogal )))
In response to your question. I rarely tell those around me when I am struggling. I hate bothering people, and I got tired of hearing about it myself. My longtime T helped me immensely but I'm ready for some new input. I do know that it's good to open up and let it all out sometimes.

There aren't a lot of people to tell, and I learned a long time ago to be cautious about what I say to whom. Mostly, I don't want them to worry about me. My son grew up with my depression/anxiety so I won't add to his plate, and my surrogate daughter tends to overreact. My mom is 85 and we don't talk about anything deep...never have so never will. She's "up there or out there" but still functions fairly well.

I hope the employees where you work will straighten up their acts? You are one of the priceless workers that employers tend to overwork just because you ARE good! You have the work ethic that is missing in society...

Blessings to you...❤

Thank you.

 

[PreciousChild]

I wanted to see if this was helpful to consider - I've been on this kick since starting a relationship with my boyfriend to share whenever I could when I was feeling vulnerable. We've been together for about a half a year now. My T thinks that when you risk opening yourself up, it brings you closer to the one you open yourself up to. Plus, she thinks that anger and conflict always come from feeling hurt and abandoned, so when I've felt that way, I've shared with my boyfriend. I kept it pretty simple. I just described some of his actions and said how it left me feeling, and he kind of filled in the blanks and saw that I needed some sort of reassurance, which he gave me. I didn't even go into detail. I think just signalling that I was needing attention was helpful for me. Just from a very few such interactions, I am much more secure and less scrutinizing in this relationship than I ever have been.

Having said that, if he had been critical and used my feelings of vulnerability against me in some way, it might have made things worse for me. I guess that's the risk of opening yourself up. I was reading an article that talked about how stuff in your life can add or subtract to your sense of well being. Being abused, poor, uneducated are minuses, and being wealthy, good community, good parents are pluses. What really struck me was that a good partner was also on the list of pluses. It struck me because through luck, one could actually make it a little better. I've had two major relationships in which I feel like luck was against me (or perhaps I chose people who fed into my dysfunctions). I'm hoping that as I heal, I can also attract those who would just by being themselves would also increase my happiness as well. It's sad, but people who feel crappy about themselves crap on others too.

ETA: Also, I understand that feelings about work can be particularly sensitive. When I feel shaky at work, I would not reveal that to my son, for example, because I wouldn't want him to worry that our survival is at risk. That touches upon aspects that go beyond one's emotional life.

 

[Gs172003]

Thank you all. I feel better having written this out. It might be a good idea for me to start just running things by you all. It helps alot.

 

[KimmyO]

It is good to talk openly to your husband if you trust and love him. He probably knows something isn't right either way. He is your partner and will help you in this if he loves you. Everyone needs someone they can be themselves with that they don't have to wear a mask around. btw: magnesium and ginseng help a lot with ptsd since stress depletes our body of it and anxiety takes over. They calm the mind body and spirit and get rid of sticky nebative thoughts that loop around. Best to you, give youreslf extra grace. <3

 

[ms spock]

My partner knows a lot of the time, but mostly I don't tell anyone. I write here on this forum. I don't tell friends or anyone. I might call the Suicide Call Back Line or Life Line. I might start a thread here.

 

[hithere]

I only tell my husband if I cant hide it and I dont usually need to say anything at that point because ... I can't hide it. I either fake it or isolate.