Hi guys just wanted to check in and say thanks for all your support earlier in the year!
I haven't gotten much further along in my understanding of what's going on with me as the last time I went to therapy T triggered me so severely that I can't bring myself to go back or to see anyone else? My angry self just took over and abused her for making me remember things that were obviously too much for me to handle!! She told me there was nothing more she could do with me and she would have to refer me to a psychiatrist.. When I left the office I went into self destruct mode and I messed myself up pretty bad.
After a while I started to recognise when the angry one 'Mary' was starting to stir and sometimes I can prevent her from surfacing! My housemates (who are all interstate truck drivers!) have given my parts names which is actually quite reassuring because they have had to live through all this with me and are very supportive! It kind of makes things easier to comprehend and they know which one is there all the time lol ...the sooky la la's name is 'Jane' .
So still not on any meds however I do take Valium when things get too tough but I really don't want to rely on medication. I find now that while I'm working and my mind is occupied I'm pretty well fairly even. But any time something happens like I lost my job recently and am in a relationship which is complicated, everything come crashing down around me! Oh and also lost my licence for 6 months so I'm stuck with no job no licence and a crappy relationship....and what do you know 'Jane' has been moping about for a while now, but 'Mary' has just started rearing her ugly head again because of Mary (Mary hates Jane!)
Erghhh...yep I'm still batshit crazy hahaha[DOUBLEPOST=1404570310,1404570151][/DOUBLEPOST]Umm I was supposed to say that Mary has been surfacing a lot because of JANE ...sorry!