Does Anyone Else Get This Kind Of Nervousness?

[J_trustno1]

Hi all.

My question is related to anxiety. Whenever I am about to do something big or start anything in my life, I get very anxious. For example, when I had exams I would start crying a month before the exams even started and two weeks before exams, I would be crying the entire day and the night due having a fear of failing. Failing and rejection have been two major factors in my life where I feel that if i don't succeed then I am worthless and a loser. I used to get intense headaches, swollen eyes and withdrawal symptoms due to crying and my fears of course.

Now that I have finished my study, I am still having these feelings. Each time I search for jobs online I am nervous, I automatically start thinking that I will not get a job. It takes me days to decide whether I should even apply for this job and then more days in setting my CV and cover letter to make it look perfect. I waste a lot of time thinking and stressing like i used to at university. Then finally when I get this rejection letter from those jobs I have applied for, I start feeling worthless, lose interest in everything (i.e. eating, exercising, looking after myself). Basically, running away from everything in my life thinking everything will be worse than it currently is and I certainly have no future and I have wasted my time and money on getting a worthless qualification. I keep feeling that I am running out of time in life (which i hope isn't the right analogy of things). But it feels that as if my education and job are the only two things that define me.

Of course I need a job for which i have studied and put a lot of effort into it. But I am nervous about everything. When I am running out of time, I usually can't do anything, i start shaking and even can't type or write with my hands or even do anything.

Does anyone have suggestions what I should do to overcome these feelings? Thanks in advance.

 

[ghotiff]

I like the analogy in the movie 28 days where the baseball player teaches Sandra's character how to pitch a ball. The point of the lesson was to not think about the ball hitting the target because you don't have control over that, but instead to only think about the ball and controlling how it leaves your hand. In other words, do what you can with what you can control, and try not to think about what may (or may not) happen once its out of your control. Much easier said than done, but the pitching a ball analogy helps me.

If it helps, when I was younger and applying for jobs I was rejected well over 100 times. Its not 'you' they are rejecting...its just there is a mismatch between the you and the job, this is just not something you can control.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Jess,
I've suggested CBT a number of times as most of what you experience could be battled with CBT. Is there a reason you're not looking into CBT? It worries me when someone repeatedly makes similar posts but doesn't follow through with the advice given.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

This reminds me of the sense of a foreshortened future aspect of PTSD and I can relate to it so much. I don't have any suggestions other than ....for me personally, reminding myself that this is a feature of it and I'm not alone helps tremendously. You are not crazy and you will not be like this forever. This is a process. Trauma broke us down and fragmented everything. The process of healing will allow us to build those things back up. You can do this. I believe in you.