Does anyone else just want to be alone?

[ImFuktUp]

Ever since I lost my dog in 2014 I haven't been the same.
She was the one constant thing I had in my life that brought me peace.

I've put so many miles on my car over the past few years it's crazy.
All I do is spend time in my car all day long when I'm not working or in between jobs.
When I come back to the place where I'm living/renting it's late at night, around 6/7pm. Because I don't like the place, but at the moment, I have no other choice. But it's hard to live with my landlady who is a slob, doesn't clean much after herself, wrappers everywhere and she's battling her own demons of depression.
The main fact for not liking being here is, my dog isn't here with me anymore.

Then I stay on the computer until late and it's just sheer boredom, looking up various things online, a different thing every minute.
I visit a friend's farm to help with his animals but I can't stay there all day either, I feel weird, even though I'm more than welcome there.

I have lost interest in everything possible. The "S" word comes up in my mind a lot.
I just don't like the world I'm in, as stated earlier, nothing truly interests me.
I'm just "here...alive"
It's literally groundhog dog for me, living the same thing, everyday over and over.
I have one friend who keeps inviting me to come over to his place for the weekend, but I can't be bothered driving through heavy city traffic to go there, when all I want to do really is be alone anyways.

It's so sick.
Thanks for reading.

 

[Teamwork]

Ah, I feel for you. I think you’ve taken a good measurement of your time and now you need to add a few minutes here and there of company. I’m at my worst when i’m Alone too much so i hired a couple of teen aged boys who like being care takers of the yard. One of them was here today for 3 hours and he and i are a good match because we dont say much to each other. He’s the quieter one of the two boys. I noticed that I stayed on task and felt more productive just because someone else was around. I dont live alone, however my daughter has autism and she spends tons of her time in front of her computer. She doesnt interact with me much or even share my interests so I can get intensely lonely. I also dont like to be at home, but I do not drive! So i garden. That’s where I find my inner peace. Or I paint. but I belong to a club that once a year lets you display your work in the different categories. If it weren’t for that i would be where you are at. I actually knew nothing about painting when i first started, but I found I actually could do it. I cant draw worth a darn, but I accept that creativity in painting is whatever appears and I go with that. My hope for you is to take away the idle behavior and do something different just to try it out. Zentangle is interesting. Some people quilt or sew. If a dog is able to come back into your life find a way to do that. I also have a dog, who never leaves my side. he’s pretty clingy to me, so I appreciate what it would be like to no longer have that companionship.

 

[whiteraven]

I am so sorry about your dog. I can't imagine what it will be like when my older cat dies. Both my cats are my life.

I prefer to be alone all the time. I hate being around people. But here, I have my cats. I wonder how you feel about getting another dog? Not as a replacement, because you can't replace a companion that has died, but as a gesture of compassion, for an animal that needs a loving home and for yourself.

 

[msjanetxtreme]

Losing unconditional love and support from animals is painful. I remember putting down my last dog in 2010. Was so tough. I still miss her and think about her eight years later. She was the only one who ever loved me for me. I feel for you and hope that you are finding support here in some way.

I also prefer to be alone much of the time. Before experiencing my trauma symptoms, I used to go to depression peer support groups. I'd start sharing about how my PTSD symptoms were depressing me and how much I struggled with them. I'd be met with silence. Never felt so alone as I did then.

In therapy, I've mentioned that I seem to hate most people and don't want to be around them. My therapist seems to think that it's true for now but not always. Perhaps you are the same? With time, maybe we will change or maybe we won't. Either way, are you unhappy about being alone?