Does anyone else struggle with Christmas?

[Mee]

‘Celebrations’ what ever they are tough. This is the first year since 2016 I’ve made any effort . We skipped holloween mainly land thanksgiving is easy to miss where we live , as are other national holidays from other home countries . But I’m making an effort a bit. Got the first time I want a tree again .

I think it’s partly because I have zero expectations of myself - that covid is meaning no family obligation , and it will be safe, quiet, small festive season .

it slsoo ok helix that while I was brought up in the Christian tradition I am not a christian now and married someone who is not . We can love the good it represents and reflect without ‘investment’ on how crazy people get. We celebrate about four days before , and Christmas Eve and on Christmas it’s just a lovely meal , pretty lights, minimum chores.

 

[Eagle3]

Yeah, I hate Christmas now. I was raised in a Christian cult, so anything remotely Christian is a total trigger. It sucks because I still live with my FOO, and they're still Christians (and my parents are still in the cult). I do everything I can to avoid any kind of "celebrations" with them. I plan on going to the therapeutic riding center I volunteer at and helping with horse chores on Dec. 25th. Keeps me from having to interact with my family. However, there is NOTHING I can do to avoid the religiously themed Christmas music playing in stores right now. As much as I avoid going to stores, when I have to go, I'm inundated with seasonal trappings. Ugh.

Totally down for meeting at a pub for food, drinks and bitching! Sounds like my kind of party!

 

[Friday]

I think anything that marks time, or holds meaning for people, is dangerous. The bigger the event is? / The more it’s in the cultural pulse? The riskier it is. Especially when you’re talking trauma.

No different, really, than someone who was raped over the summer holidays year after year, growing to despise all things summer. Because all things summer have become a giant collection of thousands of triggers & stressors. Or someone who fights in the cold and dark wanting fires lit in every room & a galaxy of lights inside & out.

I’ve come to think of PTSD as a disorder of connection... connections are forged, too hard & too fast. So hard & so fast that even the past is brought into the present, relived instead of remembered.

Is Christmas hard for me? Yes. But not because of trauma. If it were trauma? I’d go have Christmas in Egypt or the Alps, the Caribbean or Buenos Aires. Somewhere/Anywhere that spoke not at all to my trauma, called forth nothing from the past, and as such? Was allowed to make new memories in peace. Not jostling for space amongst much more immediate & more powerful things.

Christmas is hard for me due to grief. It’s not about what’s happening around me, or is very little so; it’s about who is not with me, and who I am not without them.