Does Anyone Else Struggle With Impoverishment?

[Karen12]

I'm curious to know if anyone here is living on resources totaling <US$11,670/year, without the means to add to that, ever? That was what I meant by "below the federal poverty line," if it wasn't clear. No other income, no house, no vehicles, no pension, no passive income stream, no spousal support, no investments, no trust fund, and so on. Just the $972/month and that's all.

 

[Changing4Best]

@SheilaKathy - what about yourself? Not how other perceive you. Surely you've changed, yes? How do you reconcile the "before" you with the "now" you, within yourself?

One day I realized I was no longer the motel owner/ manager. I was sitting in the local soup kitchen eating with all the other poor people and I realized I was no better than anyone else in this world. I realized that what we own and the money we make has no bearing on our true worth. I realized that when I help out an old lady or man, when I smile at someone and cheer them up, when I do things that make life easier for others, like random acts of kindness, I am much more valuable than if I sit around thinking of the past and what I used to have and do for a living. And so I put things back on their hangers in stores, when they have fallen off their hangers onto the floor; I open doors (or hold them open) for others who are behind me and want to go in that door too; I pick up litter by the side of the road and throw it out; I roll out some extra paper towels for the next person in the lady's room; I say HI to people and smile at them; I realize that there are many ways to contribute to society and that I am valuable doing the little things just as I was when I was doing the big things.

I am a happier and more relaxed person now, not so stressed out, with so many less responsibilities than I used to have. I have friends (I didn't have time for them before). I have time to pursue hobbies. I have time to take care of myself, exercise, eat right and things like that. I have time to attend church, I didn't used to go. I have made a better life for myself. Life used to be so hard! I had a crippled husband to take care of. I had the motel to run and manage before. I no longer am suffering with two 24/7 jobs like that. It was like I worked double as many hours as I should have before, not getting enough sleep, not taking care of myself, not having time for ANYTHING but my responsibilities. I had no life back then. I have one now, and a good one too.

So I think well of myself now. I look back on all that, and I don't feel that I had a good life back then. So I feel OK about myself now.

 

[DharmaGirl]

do you maintain relationships with any of your peers from "before?"

No, they all treat me like I am stupid, as well as a "psych case". Even my neighbors (2 of whom worked at the hospital too) started avoiding me. The interesting thing was that the 2 I worked with messaged me to let me know that they had mental illnesses too. I didn't "out" them. The same time I started having trouble, a nurse I had worked with for the past 6 years started having emotional problems too. We still maintain a friendship. She has a husband to support her though.

I have often wondered what I'm going to do. I have no equity in my house because of the housing crisis. It hasn't come back all the way. I continue to look for programs to help. In Washington state, if you receive food stamps, you can get a free phone with a certain amount of minutes. I haven't done that yet since my contract isn't up until December, but I will. The electric bill has a number to call if you can't make your bill. It does offer reduced rates. If you are getting Medicare, there is an "extra help" program that pays part of your co-pay and your part D. Have you applied for section 8? There is a long waiting list but you might as well get on it. There is also section 8 housing. Are there local churches that can help with food?

I know you are not asking this, but the above might make your finances go further. It can suck to be poor, but you can still have a meaningful life. That is the important thing. I agree with Sheila, I am more laid back, I have time for meditation, exercise, healing, and hobbies. No, my son and I can't afford to ride horses any more, but we can do other things. I have time to make friends outside of work. My life is different, but still good.

 

[Karen12]

Interesting. I find being poor far more stressful than having money.

 

[StarChild]

And what's interesting to, is that, despite members here answer you open, honest and friendly, your responses becoming the longer the more sarcastic and condescending @Karen12...

 

[Changing4Best]

@TreeHugger I don't agree with that! She is being honest about her feelings, there is nothing wrong with that. I do not take her replies as anything but expressing her frustration at how she feels. I think if she thought about it, she would like to feel better about this situation she is in, but we cannot always control our feelings, at least I have not been able to always do so and I assume it is that way for others too. That is why we go to therapy, or come to this forum, to work these things out and try to feel better about them, or find ways to improve our situations. Certainly one is allowed to express their feelings here, without being attacked for them. I believe you are reading something into Karen12's posts that is not there!

 

[DharmaGirl]

Thank you Sheila, I agree with you totally. I used to feel the way she did when I lost everything. We both did the happiness group, which helped both of us be more grateful, and look for happiness in our lives. I am so thankful that I did that. I was so miserable when I first went out of work. All I could think about was being poor, what people were saying about me, and losing my house. Now I use my spirituality as a base, as you do, and see things from a different point of view. I have loved watching you grow!

 

[Nighthawk]

@SheilaKathy I don't see @TreeHugger comment as attacking as you posted yourself we come here to express our feelings. If one does not like ones feelings it does not = attack. We are allowed our opinions and to voice them. I think if you see @TreeHugger comment as attacking I would take a closer look at your feelings and why it feels this way too you.

Just my opinion

 

[Changing4Best]

@Karen12 I did not think of this until now, but it took me awhile to grieve my situation and let the past go. During that time I was very depressed and discouraged. I felt hopeless and slept a lot, like 15-20 hours a day. Granted, I was recovering from having had too little sleep while taking care of a crippled husband, which probably made matters worse, but as I came out of that sleeping period and into my life as it was being renewed, I tried to look for ways in which to improve my situation. I wanted a place to belong, and so I joined a church. I wanted friends and so I joined into groups at that church that would help me to heal from my grief. I made new friends there and life picked up; things looked better bit by bit. It did not all happen at once, my healing from my great loss. It took a few years to fully recover, in fact.

I've come to terms with my new life now, and it feels more relaxed, less hectic and more rewarding. I had to set goals to achieve this, it did not just "happen" per se. So give yourself time to grieve, if that is how you are feeling. Start thinking of new goals for your life and take the time to achieve them, it won't happen over night. I hope this helps.

 

[Friday]

When you've reached the limit of all the $5 and $10 you can make each month is collections the only other option?

I sometimes stomp about and throw things and kick them... But generally I turn the problem on its ear. For example... My ex left me with $6,000 & $8,000 in unpaid utility bills (water & power, respectfully). I spent the entire year we were getting divorced with them being shut off and begging them back on with assurances it would be settled come the court dates. They weren't. Or rather, they were assigned to him, so in theory just bringing the documentation should have put the debts on his account and cleared mine (per the law). But that's not how their computer systems operate. Yeah. Because my ex had accounts for a year in good standing, they were unwilling/unable to transfer them. I can sue. If I can come up with 20k to hire an attorney to fight them. So I spent 2 more years paying them down. And at least 6 months of every year (10months last year) with no power or water. All my wiggle room had been exhausted that first year. Medically fragile kid. Cold house in winter. Yeah. I threw a few spectacular fits. How did I live?

- Gym & YMCA memberships & a BBQ & bottled water. Showered every morning at the gym, swam every evening at the pool. Cooked with the BBQ. Flushed with bottled water.
- Snowsuits & keeping busy. Only being at home to sleep, as much as possible, and wearing our ski clothes from October to June. 40-50 degreesF isn't that cold. Unless you dont have anywhere warm to go. Then it's f*cking freezing.
- Cafés & Libraries... Have Internet & power strips for charging devices and not living under a rock.
- et cetera.

The second winter with no power, I did give up halfway, and took my son to my parents so he didn't have to live that way, anymore. In a lot of ways, though, he preferred our "posh camping, in the world's most awesome tent" (aka our house) to living with extended family. But there were other problems I needed to sort / turn on their ear. My morale couldn't take the constant battering of my son being cold. Even if he preferred it. Too many nights of him being snugged up in sleeping bags and snow suits watching him sleep and just dying inside. Having to stay up. Waiting for the Ex and his friends to come bang on the walls and windows and call me names, or break in again, or, or, or. I just wanted him not to have to wake up scared in the cold. Again.

Have you had any doctors drop you as a patient due to unpaid bills?

Of course. And a few hundred grand in medical bills. (Kid with pulmonary issues) And a trashed credit report. That's just part of being poor. Also doctors who will meet you round by the back entrance to see you off book, and a kids hospital that will move heaven and earth to get funding and will see you no matter how much you owe (at one point, millions), and crushing up antibiotic pills into eye drops for infections, and letting medical students practice their sutures on you, and, and, and.

Can I ask... how do you reconcile who you were with what you've become now?

Sometimes, badly. But everything is temporary. No matter how bad it is right now, it can always get worse. And it can be a helluva lot better than the best I've ever had. Nothing stays the same forever. No matter how good, or how bad. So I generally try and laugh through the hard parts, and be effing grateful for the good parts. Soak them in and damn near revel in every nuance to look back on later. Cause the only certain thing is that everything is going to change.

 

[Karen12]

So give yourself time to grieve, if that is how you are feeling.

It's been almost 20 years, this isn't new. For me impoverishment was easier at first and it gets harder and harder over time. After all, in the beginning you still have a "cushion" left from when you were comfortable. Maybe you've lost your monthly salary but you still have bank accounts, investments, your home, clothes, vehicles, food, appliances, etc. It doesn't seem so bad at first, this business of being "poor." Then as the years go on you go through the bank accounts and investments. Things wear out or break and you're not able to replace them or you do so with very poor quality goods. You move to successively lower and lower income areas as your ability to pay rent drops. Your appearance changes, your activities change, your friends change. You're able to participate in life less and less. Being poor means you don't have the maneuverability you once had; a small bump in the road quickly becomes a major disaster. Your ability to handle increasing adversity decreases and life becomes ever more stressful.

 

[anthony]

I was sitting in the local soup kitchen eating with all the other poor people and I realized I was no better than anyone else in this world. I realized that what we own and the money we make has no bearing on our true worth.

I wish I could like that a thousand times...