Does Anyone Else Struggle With Impoverishment?

[Changing4Best]

Thanks @anthony and I am glad it touched your heart so. I will never forget that moment, it was a major turning point in my life.

 

[Milo's papa]

Karen12

It all began a little over 5 years ago when a tragic accident happened to my daughter. Little did we know at the time that this would trigger my wife's PTSD. She has not been able to work since then, and since she was earning twice what I do, this has shoved us well into the poverty level. This is major source of shame and stress for my wife. I so what I can to try and convince her that this is not a permanent situation, but she knows that she will not be well for a very long time.

I feel the shame of not being able to make for the loss in income and all that we have lost as a result of it. I am working hard with me T on this issue at the same time trying to hide my shame and damaged pride from my wife, (she has enough to deal with).

I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but yes, I also feel the shame of poverty. And I do not know if we will ever get out of it. All people in our situation can do is take life one day at a time and see what happens. LIFE has a way of working itself out so hang in there and remember that you are never alone in this battle.

 

[Changing4Best]

All people in our situation can do is take life one day at a time and see what happens. LIFE has a way of working itself out so hang in there and remember that you are never alone in this battle.

This is good advice. No situation is 100% permanent. Also, there is charity, which is such a blessing. I hope all of us who are in this situation are not too proud to accept charity. It makes things so much better!

 

[Karen12]

Hm, the charity circuit. I haven't had any success there. Let's start with the time we had a house fire. We lost everything except for a few clothes that were in the house and some stuff that had been stored outside in a shed which belonged to my roommate.

Because the house had asbestos ceilings, the surviving clothes had to be treated by a restoration service. I swallowed my pride and went from charity to charity literally begging for help. I wasn't asking for cash and I didn't want new clothes. I didn't want anyone to buy me anything. I just wanted my own old clothes back so I could wear them. I wasn't asking for money for myself. They could have paid the restoration company directly and that would have been fine with me. It was only a handful of items but they were all I had left from the fire.

No one would help me. Charities I had generously donated to for years wouldn't even listen to me now that I was in need. Some were just rude over the phone. Others acted shocked like I had made some horribly unreasonable request. A group of about a half dozen places kept referring me to each other over and over in maddening circles before I finally gave up. The last place I went to, an interfaith community service center, acted astonished that I was even there. I left in tears.

Charities can't, and don't, help everyone who needs it. When a woman doesn't have kids, is not a minority, is not being abused, and doesn't have a drug or alcohol problem, then she is the one who falls through the cracks. She simply doesn't qualify for assistance because the other women on that list come first and there isn't an unlimited supply of help. I know this because that woman is me.

 

[Ronin]

Thing is though, it's often a matter of expectations. Asking ownself what is really expected from a service may be helpful. No service is a fix-it-all, there's always going to be loopholes. I understand how that leaves a person bitter, angry, disappointed, depressed, and so on. But there's always *something* that experience gave you that can be viewed in a different light.

In a way you're lucky for being in a situation where such restoration service exists. Or for being able to afford it, however you may have been disappointed with the outcome.

(Barring I have personal difficulties understanding that attachment to most clothes, but well. Difference of experience, possibly difference in neurological set up, and so on, theoretically I see the point of it.)

And honestly whole the statement sounding abused people, minorities, people with children, substance users have it somehow 'easier' seems far removed from reality.

 

[Karen12]

I couldn't afford it, that's why I went to the charities. The restoration service picked up the clothes and gave me an estimate. I never saw my clothes again. It wasn't just that they were clothes. It was also that they were all I had left from the fire.

I should have specified that I am a minority, just not the "right" kind of minority. My point wasn't that others have it easier. It was a reality check that not everyone who needs help can get it from a charity, in response to SheilaKathy's post. Just because you need help and ask for it doesn't mean you're going to get it. There are limited resources and others are further up in the queue. People like me fall between the cracks.

 

[Knak]

I always knew I could never support myself financially so wanted to be a wife and mother, supported by a loving husband. I have a B.S in psychology and went for a masters in counseling twice but could not complete it because I knew I couldn't charge people to help them, because the only genuine help I got was free from loving people, not paying for empty words or manufactured compassion 1 hour a week.
After a complete mental/emotional breakdown at 21 my healing began after 12 years. At 36 I married a man who everyone looked up to but turned out to be emotionally abusive and am still married after 28 years for fear of being on my own.
I have had to pretend to be normal, but it takes so much energy to protect my vulnerability I have agoraphobia and believe nobody really wants to be with me. It keeps me from contacting people because I believe they feel imposed upon.
I chose financial support over mental health but have gone to EMDR therapy for 7 years and it helps. I know I will never be self sufficient. I was emotionally abused throughout life, affecting me worse due to ADD, not knowing that was the problem until age 40, & blaming myself for my inability to function. I still feel I don't deserve to be paid because I am worthless and I still pay for attention.
God is my refuge and provider of strength and giftedness.