Does anyone have a "watcher" part?

[7Cs]

I don't know what a watcher part does or if they do different things for different people but call themselves watchers. Mine doesn't seem to do anything other than laugh and refuse to talk the my T.

Thoughts? Insight?

 

[Powder]

I don't remember, but I've experienced something along these lines because I do recall researching it. It was long ago. I believe, and this book confirms, that this phenomenon is a "symptom" of newly activated or newly treated DID (called MPD in the book).

Psychological Concepts and Dissociative Disorders

 

[Deleted member 42121]

Yes.

 

[7Cs]

I don't remember, but I've experienced something along these lines because I do recall researching it. It w...

Interesting read. I've pulled up a google search to look more into this.

I wonder if this "hidden observer" is the same as my "watcher". I am actually aware when this part of me is out and while I'm certain I have some sort of structural dissociation T and I haven't discussed any dx other than my previous dx of PTSD.

That said, I wonder if my "watcher" is omniscient and has always been "there" and "aware".

 

[Deleted member 42121]

You can message me if you want.

 

[Powder]

Possible DDNOS but whatever the Dx, this is a "thing" that everyone has to some degree. There are studies now into the fact that most people have two types of memory recording running at most times, one being non-emotional and objective about things. I personally believe that this is part of being human and helps us not go off the rails too often. I think it is permanent, and goes across lives to relate our story back to us when each life has been lived. This is, to me, our unique contribution to Jung's Collective Unconscious. Whatever it is called, or whatever anyone believes, I want to impress upon you that it is NOT pathologic, or wrong. It is right. Being aware of it might be rare or a symptom of something else, but this is not likely to be a real problem. It may be the remedy or part of it.

I'd be interested in hearing more. It's been a while since I thought about this. My stuff has sort of sunk back down into the subconscious, and life's more routine for me.

 

[hithere]

Possible DDNOS but whatever the Dx, this is a "thing" that everyone has to some degree. There are studies n...

I don't want to hi-jack this thread-so if I need to start a no one, please let me know. However, may I ask how did your junk sink down into the subconscious so that you live a more routine life? Did you ever go to therapy? Did stopping therapy help the stuff to sink down again so you can live your life? Is there anything you can point to? I ask because I would really like all this to sink down again, and wondering if it is so on my mind because I keep feeding it and keep going back therapy just to be triggered over and over.

 

[7Cs]

Possible DDNOS but whatever the Dx, this is a "thing" that everyone has to some degree. There are studies n...

For sure, going to therapy to actually face our demons is much harder than letting it sink down in to the muck. At least for me. I'm not nearly as symptomatic as I was 10 years ago but since starting trauma therapy it's gotten a bit more difficult. More "mood swings", more depression, more emotional flashbacks, more dissociation. I knew this would happen before going into this kind of therapy though. I thought I was prepared. I thought I had the right therapist. But I was wrong. I was neither prepared nor did I have the right therapist. Having the wrong one, someone who doesn't quite know what they're doing can really stir up the "muck" and make "muck monsters". I've since switched therapists and things settled down to more manageable and I have more confidence that she knows (as a specialist) what she's doing.

Why did I start trauma therapy if I knew it would make things harder?
Because I'm hoping against hopes that this will lessen the PTSD flareups that I have been dealing with so long make them tolerable.... make them blend (make me blend?). The times that make life feel completely unbearable and death preferable. Even when all is right in my life. Every time that happens it takes a toll and I'm afraid some day that I'll do something about it.

may I ask how did your junk sink down into the subconscious so that you live a more routine life

I'm not sure how Muse did that. But I think mine was subconsciously buried. I did it without trying as a protective / defense mechanism that allowed me to survive the hell I called childhood. But the symptoms would still come up even when I had no idea why.

I knew my childhood was bad, I knew the main details but I never knew that was what was triggering my symptoms. I really never really have visual flashbacks in day to day life (they've been triggered in therapy though)... my flash backs are emotional. I didn't know that was what they were crazy, bi-polar? no... PTSD. I don't have nightmares that I remember but I wake up scared or in tears my heart pounding or broken.

For years I had "supportive therapy" to learn to manage my emotions, reactions, just to talk about everyday life stressors rather than ptsd and it's causes. I also take medication. This was really good for coping and not dealing with what happened to me. It made me more functional. Made life a bit more normal. Even my therapists were afraid to talk about my trauma for fear of "retraumatizing" So we didn't.

But I don't want to just cope anymore or be just functional...

 

[hithere]

Thank you for answering my questions. We sound very similar.

 

[whiteraven]

I have an insider who calls herself "The Watcher." She is primarily an observer and, from what I can tell, is able to report on the things she *sees* inside, but doesn't seem to know very much about memories and such. Like, she might tell someone on the outside that two of our younger insiders are arguing, or someone else is sad, or something similar.

She has talked to a couple of my therapists on a few occasions, at times of intense stress when it was important they receive information about what was going on inside or with certain insiders. She rarely takes the front, though, and hasn't been out in a number of years.