Does your t start late?

[UnicornSightings]

I need perspective!!! My mother was always very late. We’d get to school late and all my important things late. She’d meet me late as an adult. My first therapist was 20-45 min late every single time and it was expected, you know? I was at a low and she was more important so could be late. After her I met my last t who was always on time. I’ve never ever been treated better in my entire life. Once was 1 min late and that bothered me lol. So I feel like my perspective is a bit skewed. My current t has been late 2 times now (out of 6 I believe). By 3 min and 5 min. And writing that, it sounds ludicrous! Like why even be bothered, right? Except I am, massively. Because my time is important. Because I make it a point to get there on time. And I feel like my time should be valued. He doesn’t end early or anything and when he’s there he’s there but it just bothered me. So I’m guessing I’ve overreacting and before I bring this up to him I just need to know if I am. Overreacting. You guys will for sure be honest with me.

 

[EveHarrington]

Do you get an extension at the end?

 

[UnicornSightings]

Do you get an extension at the end?

Of at LEAST that time plus more if I want it. He doesn’t rush me out. It freaks me out. I told him he should rush me out lol. I’m overreacting, right? I don’t want to be trampled on so I think I’m being extra cautious?

But then, if I AM overreacting, what minute amount is too much to be late by? See, I don’t know the rules. I need to know the rules of how I should be treated. Geez I wish I was treated well as a kid, I feel like I wouldn’t have these hang ups.

 

[EveHarrington]

If you’re getting your full time and he’s only a few minutes late, YES, you ARE overreacting.

He’s human. You are expecting perfection.

 

[UnicornSightings]

If you’re getting your full time and he’s only a few minutes late, YES, you ARE overreacting....

Thank you. It’s just really important that I treat myself well and don’t put up with things that I shouldn’t and I’m still figuring out where those lines should be drawn, you know?

 

[EveHarrington]

My Pdoc is up to 45 minutes late. I deal with it because he’s THAT good. I get more than my allotted half hour (every time).

You can fight this battle, but at what cost?

It seems to me, based on all your posts, that your goal is to divert from anything therapeutic. So, the question is....what are you afraid of?

 

[UnicornSightings]

My Pdoc is up to 45 minutes late. I deal with it because he’s THAT good. I get more than my all...

I appreciate your honesty with me. I guess I would say I don’t divert from EVERYTHING therapeutic. I put myself out there and I try. I’m open and I close up and then I open again. It’s a process and I’m still going so I don’t complete after with you on that. But I definitely am afraid and it’s of being truly seen. Without all the masks, without all the defenses. Terrified.

 

[whiteraven]

I agree that this sounds like an overreaction. I would never put up with 15 or 20 min, but 3 or so? Yeah. That's almost to be expected in this day and age.

I had a therapist who was always on time and then, every single time, she would not even show up until she was 15 min or more late. It felt like something was up, and it was. She ended up closing her practice because she had taken a new job at a local hospital. So...big changes in behavior I always question from a therapist, just like I would a family member or close friend. You are paying him - he is, essentially, your employee - and it's his responsibility to not keep you waiting forever.

Oh and my therapist is seldom late, but when he is, it's no more than a couple of minutes.

 

[UnicornSightings]

I agree that this sounds like an overreaction. I would never put up with 15 or 20 min, but 3 or so?...

Really appreciate your honesty here!! Thank you!! :)

 

[Stephernovas]

For me, rule of thumb is 15 min either way. Be it the client or professional, if no contact is made by the individual who is running late, it's appropriate to start asking questions. In Canada, with psychiatrists and physicians, it is common for them to run quite a bit late (30 min - 45 min, if not more). Given free health care and high loads, that is the norm.

Anyways, back to the few minutes late thing. My therapist's office doesn't open until 9 am. Because worker's comp is still supporting me with rides (I book taxi's - and communication is terrible), I often ask them to pick me up for 8:30a. This means I get to the office with about 15-20 min to spare. I've noticed my therapist doesn't even get into the office until 5-10 min after 9, and then takes a few minutes to get herself situated (she'll even walk by me and check her mailbox and etc. It's not until she calls me in that session starts, and like your therapist, she compensates me for my time. On that note, I'd like to add that potentially things happen where other clients run over on time and etc which pushes their schedules back (ie. What a therapist really thinks ABOUT YOU! watch this video and start at the 1:00 mark)

I have yet to become annoyed by her technical tardiness, but in my perspective I want her to feel comfortable getting herself in check and ensuring she is able to focus on me and my session. If her mind is elsewhere, what kind of treatment does that give me? I know it's her responsibility to keep herself in check, but we are all human. I know she has a family with a small baby and etc so whatever. As long as my length of session isn't cut short by her doing, that's enough respect for me.

 

[zoie33]

My therapist consistently starts approximately 10 minutes late occasionally a little bit earlier and rarely up to 15 minutes late. I don't let this bother me at all because he always gives me my full 50 minutes if not an hour or slightly more. I look at it like this if I'm upset at the end of a session and he's trying to ground me and bring me back I wouldn't want him to rush me and I understand that he's giving other clients that same respect so it's hard for him to constantly be right on the hour. If I see my general practitioner I could be waiting 20-30 minutes sometimes more for an appointment at least I know with my therapist he's right in the next room and there's only one person ahead of me and he'll be out shortly and I will get my full-time. So I am fine with it. Now if he cheated me with my time because he ran over with the person before me yes that would make me upset and we would have to have a talk.

 

[Supervixn]

I had a therapist who was consistently late by 10-15 minutes and even ended early (5-10 minutes). My current T has been up to 20 minutes late once but I recognized the person before me needed more time... although we ended on time I'm sure I could've insisted on extending the session but I was feeling alright that day. She usually starts late but schedules appts back to back.

A few minutes isn't a big deal and is probably normal. Anything more than 5 minutes, I would say you have the right to complain about if its a consistent thing. Maybe mention how important his/her punctuality is to you and share your reason why.

Just try to relax in those moments and realize we try to tend to the time but being that we are human and not clocks, we aren't the best at it :).