Done

[Ncfireguy]

Have a new baby boy on the way in 2 weeks and feel nothing, numb, i hate me , not worthy to be a dad. Cutting isnt helping, hirting so bad tonight

 

[Friday]

Everything is temporary.

Even numbness & pain

 

[Ncfireguy]

Life is too

 

[Friday]

Some emotions? Are too big to feel all at once. And some emotions? Get in the effing way.

You’re Fire? I get you want to feel about your baby boy on the way, but until the crisis is over (born, safe, alive) expect for your head & heart to be in work-mode. The same kind of distance that lets you handle emergencies with a clear head & swift action will kick in from time to time as a parent. Any good emotions? Or any at all? About 3 miles thataway. It don’t mean you don’t love your kid. It means you love them so much -at a bones deep level- you just threw it into neutral to be able to protect them if/when needed. As a parent, that will come & go. (And when you want it? :facepalm: be motherf*ckng MIA.) it WILL happen. And then there will be a rebound/crash. And then things will settle again.

A lot of this is stress cup stuff.

 

[Friday]

Life is

Yep. Damn straight. No matter how good, how bad, or just is... it’s all temporary. Bad can get worse. Good can get better. Good gets f*cked. Bad gets amazing. Life.

I usually refuse to go out on a low note ;) Nope! Not gonna die this f*cked up.

 

[Ncfireguy]

Just tired of fighting the demons former USMC and medicically retired Fire Captain for ptsd

 

[Friday]

SemperFi. :sneaky: USMC Rescue Swimmer / Crew Chief ...turned many things... turned stay at home parent, here. Still working on the next piece. IDFK where I’m going from here. Still. Hard as hell, tired as f*ck, but worth it.

@Florian7051 is another jarhead > fire you might see kicking around the forums from time to time, too. He’s got a few ankle biters of his own. My kid is 15 already. :eek: But there are a few of us around.

 

[Ncfireguy]

Thanks brother Semper Fi, 3/4 Sta platoon

 

[Ncfireguy]

<moderator edit to remove suicidal posting>

 

[joeylittle]

<moderator edit to remove suicidal posting>

Hey - I wanted to write back to you. We do allow members to talk about their suicidal thoughts, because a lot of us struggle with them. We don't allow posting with actual suicidal intent, and your post crossed into that territory. That is why you got a warning, and why your content has been removed.

But that's no reason to shut down talking about what's going on that has brought these thoughts to the surface for you.

Can you write more about what's going on? Did something specific bring up the numbness for you, today?

 

[Joan]

So sorry that you are struggling so. Glad that you are reaching out. Keep talking. we are here to hear you.