Relationship Don't Want To Leave...Can't Stay Under Current Circumstances--Help!

[justme]

A little background. I met my BF about a year ago post Military and already having PTSD and TBI. I admit we moved a bit fast, but we were both ok with it. Within a few weeks there were serious talks about a future together. We saw and communicated with each other all the time. Slowly but surely the monster I call PTSD took over his life and emotions. Fast forward a year. It has been one month since I have heard his voice, and about that long since we have had any other form of communication.

He will not get the help he needs. He wants to work through this, but doesn’t want to do the *work* it is going to take to get there. He says he “just doesn’t want to talk about that stuff”. He is getting worse by the day. I have told him before that I am willing to do whatever it takes and wait as long as it takes for him to work through this. What I can’t do is put my life on hold for someone who isn’t even trying. I cannot be the only person working in this situation.

I don’t want to leave. I don’t. I think about it and I get very sad. I know the person who is buried deep under all this pain. I know he still loves me and wants a future with me. He has told me so before, but that right now he just can’t feel/express emotions of that nature right now. This is the man I want to grow old with. I don’t want to let him go. I DON’T WANT TO!!! But then I come back around to him not trying. I can’t wait if he is not trying.

Sorry this was so long…I turned into somewhat of an outlet as well as a question. I can’t be the only person with this dilemma, am I?

 

[Deleted member 541]

You already know the answer to your situation. If he won't do the work to get healthy, then he will only get worse. You don't really have many options that I can think of other than....

1) Sit by and wait for him to seek treatment.
2) Stick it out with him and yet go on with your own life separate from his,, and not let his sickness drag you in.
3) Keep encouraging him to seek help.
4) Leave and restart your life.

If you choose to stay, remember that this is a life long battle. PTSD never goes away. It can get better with work, but it will always be there, ready to strick at any moment.

Good luck with whatever you decide....

 

[Nicolette]

What I can’t do is put my life on hold for someone who isn’t even trying. I cannot be the only person working in this situation.

Justme, what you state is correct. So, IMHO, the only options you have are:

• tell him exactly what I quote.....just that simple and that straight down the line and see how he reacts
• put your life on hold and possibly be miserable and regret the wasted time down the track
• wait, if and only if, he decides to take responsibility for himself and starts taking some steps towards getting better

Pretty much the same view as Wendy above. Trust me, you can only do it and stay sane if they are willing to work on themselves and manage their PTSD.

 

[justme]

Yea I know. I already know what the answer is. It doesn't make it any easier of a choice to make though. I am trying to take it one day at a time and not make any rash decisions. But days turn into weeks...then months...and so on. Thanks for the advice. :)

 

[Deleted member 541]

No, it doesn't make it any easier to leave or to make a decision. I know, I just ended a very important relationship with my own daughter. I am a sufferer and I can't handle the stress from her life, and the verbal abuse from her, or from her husband, so I do know how difficult it can be.

I do wish you well....

 

[justme]

I think the problem here is that I don't just want to up and leave him. I at least would like to discuss things with him. Would it be better for him right now if he wasn't in a relationship...if we are going to stick it out together what does he need or not need from me to aid in this process...yada yada yada. I just would like to come to some sort of mutual decision between the two of us. Right now he isn't responding to me at all so that make it kinda hard...and when he does he doesn't want to talk until he is feeling better and is out of his "funk" (which I can understand). Problem is he has been in one of his "funks" for about a month now. I don't know. I'm just trying not to hurt anyone, and do my due diligence in the situation before I make any decisions. ...whatever that decision may be...