Eliminating Exposure To Ptsd For Others' Sake?

[Tinyflame]

i understand @scout86 i think but not what I mean.

No, nothing to do with relationships/ love (good)..

A lot to do with traumatizing another. The trauma leads to dis-satisfaction, that won't be good in the long haul. Running toward/ choosing is fine, running away is not. Were it not the case, they wouldn't be so disillusioned by what they loved & what they 'are', in a great sense. They're going to need that later, to ground or anchor with, because it's most of who they've known themself to be. Trauma shared by me was bad. Just like those who harmed us, even if not intentional.

I should have left.

 

[Gs172003]

There is one upside to this however: I really thought he was the first (hu)man I could trust, but not so...

What makes you think he slept with the woman he is marrying? You can fall in love with out sex.

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh @missy meier I didn't mean that either way, irrelevant to my thoughts. Sorry if you inferred it & felt offended. :notworthy:

Well, friend tried to help me, :notworthy: , he says otherwise, & that it's others' gossip, also. So it's up to me to trust him. But myself misunderstanding, afraid, not trusting, overwhelmed, also. Seems september full of triggers too, though not an excuse.

Though I only think eliminating damage can only be through the opposite: recognizing/ dealing with triggers, trying to trust, not giving in to fear, asking directly, not fight-or-flight (mostly flight).

 

[Abstract]

Hi Junebug.
Sorry to hear you distressed and hurting.

I;m not sure I understand so think I should check. #

Your friend the priest used to counsel you. I know you told him a lot of your struggles when you havent done so to others before. No therapy.

He said you have a connection and you trusted that. Platonic and no romantic love. Friendship and counsellor.

He is leaving priesthood and getting married.

You are seeing this as you somehow causing him to leave his vocation. Your symptoms and sharing causing his overwhelm and him leaving. Correct?

1. Did he tell you it was overwhelm from counselling that is making him leave?
2. Has he said you are part of the reason?
3. What factual evidence do you have for this or is there something we don't know?

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear @Abstract you are absolutely correct. But he said today neither leaving nor marrying.

I would just add I think/ thought overwhelm leading to burnout from disclosure, is what I fear/ feared. Other parts would be just his choices (personal).

No, factually he never says so. Idk if I feel he would say so. I think (?) he's said it isn't too much, stuff that occurred/ I disclosed was just part of 'life', he said today.

Hard to not fear that. :( But, 'good' (in a deal-with-it) way, to recognize how overwhelmingly afraid & triggered I am. I know (realized this year) why in september.

Really hard fear to deal with, overcome. :(

Der Abstract, nice to 'see' you , btw. :hug: :hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear @Abstract , what you asked reminded me: geez, for the life of me just quite recently (?) my friend told me 'something', as to why I don't have to worry/ he will say if it's too much. Surely I must have written it somewhere here -?, but for the life of me I can't remember exactly 'what', or where, but that I remembered relief. Oye. :rolleyes:

Thank you everyone. :notworthy: I feel ashamed, tired, but grateful for forgiveness & realizing I need awareness to try to overcome this stuff. It sure is an awful feeling, & the feeling preceeds the cognitive awareness or attempts to make sense of it. Eiy. :(

 

[Tinyflame]

Something just occurred to me; in making (even in my own head or otherwise) the argument of all that's happened, that could also be looked at through the perspective of a lot surpassed or overcome or gotten-through/ ~survived? Of course I don't say that flippantly if it involves or could harm another. But it is so. :wideeyed: :notworthy:

Also, I read through something a week or so back that was talking about awful effects of traumatization on people trying to help. :(

I suppose too, I hear/ read/ see/ think/ process incoming info, & expect the worst. Not immediately. It's like there is a delay. Or, I can't expect other-than-the-worst.

Also this time of year I (unconsciously or semi-consciously) I expect a big shock/ worst trauma/ horrible event. (I don't mean to think that way).

 

[Tinyflame]

ETA, I do think, or hope, for all of us that have particular or peculiar repeating issues ('stumbling blocks'), that maybe one day we'll find the key that takes them away/ gives sufficient resolve they don't keep haunting us. Sort of figure out why they 'stick' so soundly and are so frightening. If that makes sense.

 

[Gs172003]

Dear @Abstract you are absolutely correct. But he said today neither leaving nor marry...

It sounds to me like you are scared to be abandoned by him

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh I imagine some terror or fear at the thought of it but actually, the weird thing is @missy meier I think of myself being abandoned as proper- & no hard feelings to another for that; not being abandoned is very scary. Also, I realize trust has led in the past to nearly my death; others' actions came as a total shock to me. Then aslo my own despair when I couldn't get out of it, & self-blame. I even think maybe 'trusting' is unfair to expect of anyone because we are all human/ fail. I also do not feel I am important enough for anyone to protect or defend, whether that be my emotional feelings or physical well being/ life. I do believe I am off the radar for consideration, I don't really think of that as a problem though.

The 2 things that terrify me most are, my experiences of shock/ deceit preceeding harm, threat of death & near death, & secondly harming another. So it's a bit complicated. :(

 

[Gs172003]

I guess I'm just confused. Sorry

 

[Tinyflame]

Sorry @missy meier , not your fault I try my best to communicate but I am lousy at it. There was no room or acceptance growing up or in most relationships where it was encouraged or safe to have a voice, so I never practised. Plus it feels , no I guess 'I' feel not that my opinion or thoughts or feelings matter much. And geez, I don't always get it. :confused:

:hug: