Eliminating Exposure To Ptsd For Others' Sake?

[Tinyflame]

Aw thank you Whitney, right- already forgot about the 'past emotions resurfacing' part. Yikes. You mean I'm not 'cured'? :laugh: :rolleyes:

Yes, 'all the records' makes sense to me, forgot that as well.

Just think, perhaps having 'hoped' when traumas (bad ones) ended badly, perhaps 'hope' is a trigger, or simply a (negative) association, like with Pavlov's dog. I try to keep it in perspective, try to recall other times something worked out, but the others were doozies.

I don't mean to feel this way, or think like this.

Funny you should say, have no idea if I'm diabetic because haven't been to a doctor for, well, virtually forever, not even bloodwork, just very rarely (unavoidable). Avoidance (doctors/ hospitals) related. I don't think so, simply because for about 25 or 30 years I've skipped b/fast and lunch, only eat dinner. But only about last year I read "if your blood sugar drops at night eat a tablespoon of margarine or butter (gross! lol) before bed". I think it started because I had stomach trouble and bleeding (severe), so I could only handle small volume, I made it high calorie. I don't know, night sweats on-and-off since about 18/20? Seem stress related, definitely worse then.

I don't have a doctor, but there are clinics. Very fortunate (thus far) it is a public health care system (free), medications are charged. I can't stay in the waiting room alone (without leaving), too freaked out. I have no one who I could ask to come. But, I can't afford to be off sick anyway, and if I'm 'fine' I don't need a Dr and feel like a hypochondriac. Most of my family were write-offs early. Plus, I am not sure, goes against my suicidal tendencies ( :rolleyes: ), but I realize this 'new' journey will maybe confront that. I did throw out very lethal meds around early december of last year.

Oh, it's just awful, everywhere or with most I have a sense of humour, here it is (I am) dark and b*tchy and whiny! Yikes. :(

I hope The Universe is particularly kind, sweet and tender to you today Whitney. :inlove: You soooooooo deserve it. :) :hug: Thank you soooooo much. Xoxox.

You know, I should be ashamed of myself, in the regard that 'hope' comes from, or is personified, in dear people like you, or people who've helped me. Oddly enough, perhaps because it's been so many years with this, I really don't feel that the negative outweighs the positive, in so far as good or kind people or gifts I've received make up for the negative people or their actions 10-fold.

Big hugs, Sweetest Whitney. :hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

Whitney, actually, if I think about it, a few big things/ 'stuff' (~progress?) has occurred, since last few years. Really big, actually, I guess.

 

[Abstract]

Hi Junebug,


I was thinking this for you! It is very evident. I see huge things.

Just some here:
:) You are talking - not long ago you were silent for a long time.
:) You have discussed difficult things including your dad stuff.
:) You had a wonderful opportunity to share your love when it came to the pups and you helped them too.
:) You had you first counselling experience when you spoke to your friend/priest.
:) You seem like you spend a little less time thinking of suicide and are able to consider and talk about more than just that which is wonderful as that is where all the healing lies.
:) You seem to sometimes be able to manage looking forward to a possibility of change rather than needing that lack of hope or expectation as a way of coping. The fact that PTSD IS a treatable condition seems to be starting to feel like a safer concept.
:) There are times when you can get past turning on yourself as all that is at fault and can sometimes hold others responsible for their actions and feelings. And are just starting to accept that you are not responsible for others feelings.
:) You have allowed yourself to directly express anger about others rather than only expressing it indirectly and partly as an attack on yourself.
:) You have made huge steps with assertiveness. Situations like the creepy guy at work say it all!
:tup:

 

[Whitneys story]

@Abstract You are such a dear! I like your post a trillion. You always have a great means of communication.

;) Wish I had thought of making a list. See how great team work, works!

 

[Whitneys story]

@Junebug, you have nothing to be ashamed of. And you are welcome to bitch and whine!

I am pretty sure the years of negative energy consumed any chance of seeing positive. :) I am just so thrilled that some good past memories are arriving.

:( this will require a little habit changing. Eating one meal a day is really hard on our systems. Please know I am not scolding you. More people who do one a day are likely to end up with Gallbladder trouble. Also diabetes. The pancreas gets confused.

Three small meals keeps the system in sync vs high and lows. Even if it is a piece of peanut butter on bread the natural bile has something to work on besides the stomach lining. I know it takes time as I spent most of my life never eating breakfast.

I have a small bowl of cereal, which makes me sit for a few minutes. I actually enjoy the morning ritual. :hug: 's n more Whitney

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh Dear Abstract and Whitney, thank you, yes, all of those things are true.

Abstract, I love your list (and the " :) " 's). And I could even add a couple. Wow. :)

And to think me, who didn't expect, or 'hope' has a 'team effort'. How amazing that is. :hug:

Well by chance Whitney someone even gave me pancakes yesterday morning, hee. I rememember my dad telling my sister "promise me you'll have a piece of toast in the morning before a cigarette". Here I am doing the same, just lunch disappeared too. And because of night shift dinner shifted to between 11pm and 2:30 a.m. That confuses even me, let alone my gallbladder, lol. :confused:

Yes many things (and YOU here) to be thankful for. :inlove: Biggest of hugs! :hug: ((((((((Abstract)))))))) (((((((Whitney)))))) :inlove: :)

 

[Whitneys story]

((((((((((Junebug)))))))))). I absolutely love 'New' Journey! Yes it is and you so deserve to experience every kindness possible. How sweet someone gave you pancakes!

What a change of time schedule, how are you adjusting to this. Are you able to do something to unwind when you get home? Are you getting a good sleep with the change?

Has your work load settled some, I recall they were adding extra duties. Somehow a lunchbreak or snack and mental downtime should be allowed. Sometimes we have to put our foot down. Or remind ourselves that we are just as valuable as other employee. :D Hugs, Whitney

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh Dear Whitney, no worries, they changed the time one year ago. Because it is late I have taken to trying to NOT relax when I get home, or I'm up until 2 or 3a.m. But yes, mostly worked 6-4 or 7-5, so I'm still working on it. Just 1/2 hour supper break, but sometimes a cancellation, and really lucky it's quite close to home. I take cheese!!! :) Or cherry licorice, funny but it helps, can eat just few each time I feel self conking out. (Honest to God I feel like the Energizer Bunny- all of a sudden my battery just dies, literally . :rolleyes: ) I think a HUGE part of managing the ptsd is preventing the stress, so I try to see when my thinking is 'going', did I eat?, etc etc.

Yes, I forgot, pancakes are my favorite, always remind me of being on holidays. :)

I heard something pretty amazing, maybe it can help here, it does go back to the title of this thread really. That when we are down, or desperate, when we think "What am I to do??", we're sent someone in need. Well, I sure have that a lot at work in particular, I would say regardless of the degree of physical labour 90% is really the emotional. And when we feel as we do, in our need, maybe we're meeting some need of another who we didn't know felt that way (too), but had/ have no idea? Which would turn the whole concept of need being (as) burdensome on it's head-? (And OMG, I've been needy! :eek: :rolleyes: :) )

And hey, I passed a river I do frequently, and for the first time I can recall (truly, I can't remember when last I could just look at it), did not have any thoughts of SI, it's got a really raging current. Quite the opposite, (even though it's not the cleanest, lol) it looked beautiful, beautiful with the sun on it but especially where the water came over the rocks. :) :tup:

I was thinking of the struggles of my sister today, too, and I realize in many ways she's where I was 20 years ago, and that was an awfully dangerous (and frightening) place.

I think somewhere, as far as SI goes, I can't quite figure it out, but getting rid of it I think has to come in a backwards kind of way. That is, like my sister, the 'regular' way of just "don't", I don't think is as effectual or helping as learning how to 'want' to be 'here'. I mean, I try to learn how to put it in the "not-an-option" list. But I think I'm only half-right when it comes to that. I'm trying to learn, no- believe (as per myself) - why it is the wrong choice.

Even at work and otherwise, last week people were very sweet, well they always are very complimentary, actually. One person's family who died couldn't have been more complimentary, barely knew her (but loved her, and soooooo much like my mom), that they were forever grateful for such attentiveness and compassion. But I even got to hug her- her request- right before she died, last time I saw her. Another woman said to me, "Everyone loves you". I thought it so strange- so odd, that it is so difficult to believe or recall things like that. But, knowing that if it were a negative I'd remember and likely rehash it constantly, I am trying.

I don't really know much, but this is kind of incredible news? I have never thought my own need (especially when it's been so severe/ I thought (all) burdensome) could work in to any plan that was meant to help another person's need? :confused: ! :) (Though I can certainly see see why I'm 'sent' a lot of people, lol).

Sweet Whitney, Abstract, Mercy and all (((((((((((((((((( :Inlove: :hug: :inlove: ), xoxox.

 

[Tinyflame]

I also realized something, I heard a funny joke about the rain yesterday- there should have been (but there wasn't :) :) :) ) a most terrible storm, and to hear it so helped a lot, even if it had stormed. To acknowledge it too, I think.

(I think the feature of the worst traumas, was also the 'unexpectedness' of many of them.)

And also, with the 'relief' of the joke, I realize(d) I have lived with the feeling of terror so long I don't even know how much it's there, until it's reduced. It has become part of 'normal' (i.e.almost everyday).

:hug: 's to all of your sweet selves. :) :inlove:

 

[Whitneys story]

truly, I can't remember when last I could just look at it

What a wonderful affirmation of your new journey. :D

I don't think is as effectual or helping as learning how to 'want' to be 'here'.

You are so correct. And "backwards" makes sense:wacky:. You are beginning to see a future you have not experienced. You are beginning to feel things that you have not in a long time. Baby leaps are wonderful ! :tup:

I don't really know much, but this is kind of incredible news?

Oh yes it is and hold on to it with passion! :singing: Breath it, see it, feel it. Well I won't be a songwriter anytime soon but I
am so happy for you. :hug:

 

[Whitneys story]

It has become part of 'normal' (i.e.almost everyday).

I can feel the shoulder muscle relaxing, the tension in your body releasing; Hallelujah angels are singing.
I know the feeling so well, yes it is from past experience/trauma now we work on learning what feelings or events
can be changed to positive thought and action. This feeling is likely why the struggle with SI, your mind has been
so held in terror and fear you could not see anything but negative. Nothing positive to experience.

Your occupation is very emotional, painful & admirable. You deserve compassion for your self as much as you give out!

Though I can certainly see why I'm 'sent' a lot of people, lol).

You my dear are an Angel of Mercy! They are so fortunate to have you. :angelic: :hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh Dear Whitney, well occassionally they think I'm a little devil, :p But thank you. It's easy for the most part to have compassion or just be kind, actually I don't really know how to be anyone but myself.

Yes, quite amazing stuff(!)

I thought also, I guess the same ('in need') for the pup too.

Yes, I have had zero concept of a future, or 'hope' I guess, or really anything to hope in or for, not quite sure in fact how that works, but that's ok it can unfold. :)

I really didn't think of it as 'negative thoughts', but it would explain why gratitude and trying to have a good attitude didn't solve it.

Yes! No Tylenol for 3 days- unheard of!!!! :)

Sweet Whitney, I like the 'leaps', lol. Do I just carry on the same?

((((((((((Whitney)))))))), biggest of hugs and Thanks!!!! :inlove: Xox! :hug: