EMDR, “Where do you feel it in your body?” Uggggh.

[Skywatcher]

I understand the importance and value of saying where you feel tension in your body (usually for me, stomach or chest.) Only problem is, sometimes I feel it in places that are shameful and embarrassing. T asks where I feel it and I hesitate and then say “lower” in which she may offer “legs?” and if my speech works I may say “pelvic region.” However, It’s like my child part has come into the room because it is her trauma we are working on. She doesn’t have the vocabulary or permission (by parents) to talk about feeling things in that part of her body.

I might write my T about this. However, it just feels so awkward. Do other people feel tension in these places during a body scan and say it to their therapist?

 

[Cypress]

This came up in therapy for me today actually. I was talking about this memory we had been working on that was partially better, I no longer felt intense fear or the sensation that my head was being pushed down but I still felt weird feelings “down there”. He said do you want to go to that spot and process and I said no. Then the child part came out I guess and after that happened I felt really embarrassed and just wanted to change the subject.

I guess I just want to say that I know how you feel.

 

[Pale Mpress Kitty]

I have felt tension there, and instead of saying where exactly I told my T exactly why I wasn't using the right words. For me, it comes from a place of fear and embarrassment.

I work on the theory that sometimes it is just as important to say "I can't use the right words right now because I am feeling embarrassed/shame and it makes me feel uncomfortable." than actually specifying what part of the body its being felt. It's part of growth and progression, to allow yourself to be vulnerable by expressing the why behind your own actions. Acknowledging the why is - i think - more important than processing.

I write lots of things down for my T and email them to her the day before our next session so that she can read them ahead of time. Is this something you could do with your T?

 

[Skywatcher]

I have felt tension there, and instead of saying where exactly I told my T exactly why I wasn't using the right words. For me, it comes from a place of fear and embarrassment.

I work on the theory that sometimes it is just as important to say "I can't use the right words right now because I am feeling embarrassed/shame and it makes me feel uncomfortable." than actually specifying what part of the body its being felt. It's part of growth and progression, to allow yourself to be vulnerable by expressing the why behind your own actions. Acknowledging the why is - i think - more important than processing.

I write lots of things down for my T and email them to her the day before our next session so that she can read them ahead of time. Is this something you could do with your T?

I can, I’m just not sure if I want to.

 

[ButterflyBean]

Hey @Skywatcher I never want to assume anything, so I wanted to ask if having a body memory resonates with you at all? I have them often, especially when I feel things in places that you’are describing. Like you, my little one doesn’t have the vocabulary to articulate herself, even though my adult part can say the words. So, you’re not alone in your experience at all!

I also want to congratulate you on your ability to say “pelvic region“ even some of the time. Give yourself credit for that! I’m wondering, does your therapist know that she is likely interacting with your child part when you have difficulty saying the anatomically correct words? If so, maybe you could work together to come up with different words or signals that mean the same thing? I’ve also used a doll to explain what I’m feeling. Just some thoughts, but know that you are definitely not alone!

 

[grit]

What jumped at me in your post is this quote:

However, It’s like my child part has come into the room because it is her trauma we are working on. She doesn’t have the vocabulary or permission (by parents) to talk about feeling things in that part of her body.

all of sudden you changed from I to "it is her" or "she" and disconnect the child part from your adult part. I thought that might be the blockage. Do you feel safe re-writing that part in your head even to own it first?

 

[Skywatcher]

@grit are you talking about integration? Because that hasn’t happened yet. It’s funny how structural disassociation, ifs, and emdr all view our trauma breakdowns/disassociation as definite parts of us that stay frozen in time and feel real and separate in present day. I’m not sure what you mean by a “block,” though?

All I know is that when I try to tell my T that I feel it in my body lower than the stomach, I feel panicked and a need to hide. This trauma happened around 9 or 10 years old, so I was capable of speech, but that was a very shameful place to feel things. As I think about it, I feel uncomfortable saying it with the adolescent stuff as well.

 

[grit]

I just noticed that change in your post. You were speaking about your body and all of sudden, you switched to her and she and I was like yeah that is the barrier...if you cannot even write down that too is your experience and write it as first person, then you may not be able to go through it yet to process it. I just notice that change. It could be integration or not.

 

[Cypress]

I don’t think @grit is talking about integration, I think @grit is asking if it will be easier to talk about if you you reframe it and say “my” trauma instead of “her” trauma. They first time I changed those pronouns out loud in session I was really afraid but after, I felt really sad and relieved at the same time. It might help.

 

[Skywatcher]

I am actually thinking of writing my T and saying that I don’t feel comfortable talking about where I feel things in my body. There was one session that I basically didn’t tell her anything (self harm related) because I couldn’t talk about it, but it was majorly affecting me. That time, she just said, “think about where you feel it in your body.” Then, as we went on, she asked if it had moved or stayed the same. That ended up being a re-enactment situation of this young part. I am just really not comfortable talking about this stuff to anyone. I am just now realizing that I haven’t told a single soul what actually happened. Even though they say it isn’t even necessary with emdr, I’m starting to think that I won’t fully heal until I do.

 

[Mach123]

This is an old one for me now. Where do you feel that in your body, you can't feel your feelings.

I had no idea what she meant. That was five years ago maybe seven?

IDK if I can feel my feelings any better in my body now or not?

I feel better though.

Today kinda sucks. It's a new moon though. Blame that.

 

[Freida]

It depends on where we are in the trauma timeline
New memories? I start feeling like I'm buzzing from head to toe
Something we are already working on? Sick to my stomach and random pain
Crap I don't want to deal with? In my hands
Every session...I cough until I want to puke

There's a reason for the body memories so don't be afraid to tell her....even if you aren't sure what your feeling. It's all connected but you have to learn how and why. The body feelings are one way to get to your emotions to get the trauma out..