I am responding to this today in a completely different mind set. I don't know if the CBD oil I started taking is making me think completely different, or what. Nonetheless, reading this whole thread again, and running it through my own experience I see some things differently today.
First, I could have written your original post, except not with EMDR. Second, I experienced the same fear of losing contact with the therpist during those periods of "processing' specifics of the trauma (talking about it or reading what I wrote about it). The anxiety over the relationship with the therapist was just not worth it. For example you worrying about letting the therapist down, etc.
I have two different thoughts about these experiences now. One is that perhaps the psyche is fixating on the relationship with the t in an anxious way so as to avoid the work of the trauma processing. I think Freud wrote about it and I think I read about this in an addiction counseling blog. The other thought I had, is I kind of wish the therapist would have been willing to talk about how those "feelings" of not pleasing the therapist, being anxious about the relationship so mimick the feelings I had toward my abusers at the time the shocking/life threatening events happened. It seems there could have been a bunch of stuff to talk about how those emotions are so dang similar--again stuck to the trauma like glue inside my brain and nervous system.
I don't know, I just was thinking about this from a totally different perspective today.
