Emotional Blackmail/fog Or Genuine Change I Cant Accept?

[moshpitmunkey]

I feel like I can't trust my own perceptions sometimes. My mother, whom ive suffered my abuse from, seems to insist that she is different etc..but how do I trust that when I still fear, when I am motivated by guilt. When I still have a hard time dealing with my own compulsions to do things that are uncomfortable, undesirable, burdensome, and self-sacrificing. When i feel that she still wants control over me. And i somehow still give her that control. That has been our relationship. And it still is our relationship. Is she really different? I dont know if I can trust her or myself at this point. Am I still seeing her through scarred eyes? What is the truth? I'm confused and tired.

 

[Soca]

Have you tried writing a letter to your mother with your honest feelings? It's nothing you would actually need to send. It's a therapy tool. I didn't believe in it nor did I want to do it at the time it was suggested to me. Later I had an outpouring of emotion that led me to write one to my dad. I never sent it, of course - eventually burned it as a symbol for self-healing. It helped me to a certain degree. I don't know if it would help you. It sounds like you are very torn and struggling - the pain can be excruciating and debilitating. I hope you can find some rest for tonight. I hope you can find a way to take a deep breath to help your body and emotions find alignment. I wish you well in your healing process. Hugs

 

[EveHarrington]

The only way you'll know she's different is if she shows you she's different.

I personally wouldn't take her on her word that she's changed.

I think it's good to set firm boundaries. If she can abide by your boundaries then perhaps she has changed.

:hug:

 

[moshpitmunkey]

Have you tried writing a letter to your mother with your honest feelings? It's nothing you would actually...

Ive never tried that, but I am more than willing to give it a shot in the hopes of finding some kind of peace with all of this. That really might help instead of letting the thoughts and feelings spiral out of control in my head. I appreciate you sharing this therapy tool with me and your experiences it really helps. Thank you so much for your kind words and I wish you the best on your healing journey as well. Hugs back

 

[moshpitmunkey]

The only way you'll know she's different is if she shows you she's different.

I personally woul...

Good idea about the boundary thing.. That has proven to be such a difficult thing for me, setting boundaries and making sure I stand behind them. But maybe if I start small and test the waters I can gain more confidence in doing so and truly put her to the test. I guess I'm afraid to face the possible reality of her not actually being different. But maybe if I can learn somehow to be different I will no longer suffer with this? I appreciate your input

 

[EveHarrington]

I think it's a good idea to start with small boundaries as it gives you practice. Then when it comes to bigger, more important boundaries you'll be stronger and more able to enforce those boundaries. :hug:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I think that what you are experiencing is understandable. It reminds me of when Lucy asks to play with Charlie Brown and although she has never played fair with him, he takes the risk and she does it to him again. I hope that you are familiar with this cartoon and what the game Lucy plays on him repeats over and over.

I think that you are wise in thinking about this new development and I also think that the proof is that her actions will speak louder than words. I think you will know wether or not she really has changed or not by her actions.

I understand about being in your head and feeling vulnerable at this time. It would be good if she has really has changed. So it really seems that it is all on her to prove to you that she is different now.

I so understand why you are thinking and feeling the way you are right now. I hope for your sake that this is just not a carrot on a stick and that she really has changed.

 

[moshpitmunkey]

I think it's a good idea to start with small boundaries as it gives you practice. Then when it co...

That's really great advice I'm gonna make it a goal to work on this

 

[moshpitmunkey]

I think that what you are experiencing is understandable. It reminds me of when Lucy asks to play with Ch...

Yeah I'm familiar with the cartoon and I think you make a good comparison, that's very true. And I don't want to keep taking that risk over and over like Charlie because I will get hurt everytime. Thank you for understanding and I really hope its not a carrot on a string either. I appreciate your insight

 

[Deleted member 12723]

You are welcome:hug: