Empathy Is Abused

[HopeIsLost]

Does anyonelse run into this problem where? You’re abused physically and mentally by someone. But they claim that your insane and your the issue.

Does anyone feel deeply upset by this? And I’m not talking about “fake” empathy to gain access to hurting someone. I mean genuinely hurt by the idea that others feelings matter?

I’ve gone through over 20 years of being a person with a caring heart. But most people are out to, use you, abuse you, take your money, take your reputation, take your time, take your emotions.

Is there even like 1 person or someone out there that feels abuse is wrong and that our society is a mess? And that hurting and ending peoples lives, whether by manipulation is not okay? Because I’m starting to feel like there isn’t anyone by default.

Not gonna lie it gets exhausting being alone crying to myself, knowing the world really could care less. Really makes me feel deeply worthless and not at all important to society. And I’m done with the fake empathy, because it just softens the massive blow of abuse right above it.

Cause I get tired of lies. I want honesty. And honest people around me. Not liars and thieves who thrive on pain and suffering of others. Which is psychopathic and not normal at all, but in fact something absurd that somehow people justify.

 

[arfie]

You’re abused physically and mentally by someone. But they claim that your insane and your the issue.

in my own psychotherapy sessions this has been treated as, "the identified patient syndrome." when i took my marriage vows in 1980, i had already been in psychotherapy for 7 years. i was, in fact, an identified patient. i had been as open and honest about my herstory as possible. my husband is from an enviable background and was clueless what that meant, despite my attempts at open honesty, my identified patienthood quickly developed the syndrome as both of us started blaming every little flaw in our lives to my mental illness. recovery from child prostitution is rough, but it isn't mean enough to be the source of all the world's problems.

fast forward to today and hubs and i are still working on this one.

Is there even like 1 person or someone out there that feels abuse is wrong and that our society is a mess?

i don't believe i have ever met one person who doesn't believe this. what seems to vary wildly is the definition of, "abuse." the definition of, "mess" seems to vary, as well.

Cause I get tired of lies. I want honesty. And honest people around me.

ditto. honesty by my measure, of course. only tell me truths i want to hear.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I think it might not be the world that is like this. It's a known fact that abusers seek out a certain kind of person - kind, helpful, caring. They convince you that you are the problem and being a nice person, you search yourself to see if it's true. I have been there many times. Now I am hypervigilant when it comes to new people. I look for red flags - usually, my mom has been dying so her caregiver took advantage - and let those abusive people go. I hope you can move past the feeling that there are no good people, just look around here, there are plenty of wonderful, helpful, compassionate people on this website.

 

[Susan Jane]

Does anyonelse run into this problem where? You’re abused physically and mentally by someone. But they claim that your insane and your the issue.

Does anyone feel deeply upset by this? And I’m not talking about “fake” empathy to gain access to hurting someone. I mean genuinely hurt by the idea that others feelings matter?

I’ve gone through over 20 years of being a person with a caring heart. But most people are out to, use you, abuse you, take your money, take your reputation, take your time, take your emotions.

Is there even like 1 person or someone out there that feels abuse is wrong and that our society is a mess? And that hurting and ending peoples lives, whether by manipulation is not okay? Because I’m starting to feel like there isn’t anyone by default.

Not gonna lie it gets exhausting being alone crying to myself, knowing the world really could care less. Really makes me feel deeply worthless and not at all important to society. And I’m done with the fake empathy, because it just softens the massive blow of abuse right above it.

Cause I get tired of lies. I want honesty. And honest people around me. Not liars and thieves who thrive on pain and suffering of others. Which is psychopathic and not normal at all, but in fact something absurd that somehow people justify.

I can relate to such feelings, but my life changed when I let such people go. You cannot change others but you can decide who to let in. Yes sometimes it is lonely but my small group of good people make me feel loved. This happened through years of reflection and understanding why I attracted such men, as that was the main problem. I learned to love myself and listen to my instincts and see the red flags. I haven’t been in a romantic relationship for a long time. I do know if happens, I will be okay. My motto people can only take advantage of me if I allow it. It is still an issue but I would rather be alone than unhappy….

 

[Survivor3]

People did this to me in my home city. I was freaking out because of what certain people were doing to me at the services. I didn't have any friends so the only people to tell were the doctors and mental health services. They were all sharing information about me wherever I went. Drove me f*cking nuts, so they diagnosed me with "persistent delusional disorder"!!! To get people off the hook Haha .

Oh no! We haven't done anything wrong, it's all him!!!

That's the level of assology i was dealing with.

There is another word I have for them but I refuse to use it anymore because its offense to women generally. They're just major league assholes.

 

[HopeIsLost]

People did this to me in my home city. I was freaking out because of what certain people were doing to me at the services. I didn't have any friends so the only people to tell were the doctors and mental health services. They were all sharing information about me wherever I went. Drove me f*cking nuts, so they diagnosed me with "persistent delusional disorder"!!! To get people off the hook Haha .

Oh no! We haven't done anything wrong, it's all him!!!

That's the level of assology i was dealing with.

There is another word I have for them but I refuse to use it anymore because its offense to women generally. They're just major league assholes.

I get confused why psychopaths keep acting like we owe them change, owe them bettering ourselves. But people who beat children and beat people are off the hook and get vacations and family time. Bad people are rewarded for touching women and groping people. But good people are told they need to take meds and forget what harm is done, so that way abusers can be comfortable. Because let’s be honest, we wouldn’t need to be silent unless an abusive person has a problem with our disapproval of their actions. So the fact is, therapy is based on psychotic theme of “Quiet and hush, because abusers don’t wanna hear you scream”

 

[Friday]

Is there even like 1 person or someone out there that feels abuse is wrong and that our society is a mess? And that hurting and ending peoples lives, whether by manipulation is not okay? Because I’m starting to feel like there isn’t anyone by default.

Pretty much everyone I know, IRL.

Just not everyone I’ve EVER known.

Cause I get tired of lies. I want honesty. And honest people around me. Not liars and thieves who thrive on pain and suffering of others. Which is psychopathic and not normal at all, but in fact something absurd that somehow people justify.

Yep.

Those are the people who make up my life, good people I actually want IN my life. People who make my own, and everyone they come into contact with better, just by being them & living their own lives. Sometimes that’s a reeeeeally big circle of peoole, sometimes it’s small. How wide that circle is? Nearly always depends on me & how much energy I have to devote to others / being social / etc. When I don’t have the time/energy to maintain this relationships the circle shrinks. When I do, the circle grows. Relationships are living things. They have to be nurtured. I don’t always have the desire or ability to do so.

Although, to be fair, most of the liars & thieves I’ve known ALSO believe abuse is wrong.

Does anyonelse run into this problem where? You’re abused physically and mentally by someone. But they claim that your insane and your the issue.

That’s rule number one in the abusers & rapists handbook : Blame the victim.

 

[HomelessJoe]

Well put

I get confused why psychopaths keep acting like we owe them change, owe them bettering ourselves. But people who beat children and beat people are off the hook and get vacations and family time. Bad people are rewarded for touching women and groping people. But good people are told they need to take meds and forget what harm is done, so that way abusers can be comfortable. Because let’s be honest, we wouldn’t need to be silent unless an abusive person has a problem with our disapproval of their actions. So the fact is, therapy is based on psychotic theme of “Quiet and hush, because abusers don’t wanna hear you scream”

I think there are good people left. The problem with modern society is there is so much distrust in everyone around us. Years of dodging scammers, liers and abusers. It makes us all distrust people. A decade ago you could walk past a stranger and simply smile and say hello. Most people avert their eyes now and if they speak the first thought in our heads is what are they selling?

Doing good is questionable now. I've been questioned for cleaning up trash. It's like do you prefer I leave it in the street? They assume there is a catch to being good. Because being good doesn't pay. Society has become too comfortable with hate and fear. When it comes to the atrocitys committed everyday people don't care anymore. Or they are scared to speak up.

Years ago they started saying "dont say sorry it makes good people feel bad and bad people take advantage of you". People gave up saying sorry because people who abuse being good made them feel like they had to abandon being good. I still say sorry and if that makes you feel sorry than sorry again.

I think there is a lot of good people out there. They are just whispering. In summery I'm saying don't give up on being good to others because others have forgotten how to be good themselves. Remind them that feeling is what makes us human and we are tired of hiding our humanity.

 

[Movingforward10]

You cannot change others but you can decide who to let in.

^^^ This .

I have wonderful people in my life. Somehow I managed to find them, and somehow they wanted me in their life. A lot of love , kindness, care, and consideration for the other. I'm so grateful.
I stay away from people who aren't like that. The only people I engage with who are like that are my mother and my oldest sister, and that is to a very limited level. If they weren't family, I would not have them in my life and have debated going no contact many many times.

We have to look at our patterns. And we have to work out how to change them. That might be easier in some ways than others, and might have so many variables in it that some people might find that easier and others near impossible.

Abusive, manipulative behaviour can be very hard to spot at times. Things can be so insidious. But learning and creating healthy boundaries for ourselves helps a lot.

 

[WinnieThePoohChris]

A lot of people here feel how you do Hope. Your name says the opposite but I do like your attitude, gives me hope more people stand up for what's right and refuse to accept abuse in any form.

I see it as the few bad people in the world, of which there are many admittedly, are more vocal than the quiet good. Their acts are loud, violent and oppressive, affect more people per one bad person. So we see them more, are affected to a greater to degree by them.

The good are there but they are not affecting others lives, often referred to by many as sheep. Good people want to live their lives without impacting others unfairly, they are seen less and appear to not be present. If you are doing something right then you appear to not be doing anything at all.

Reaching out, asking for help, talking to others is the right thing to do. It means you may encounter unpleasantness, but if you dont you are isolated and unable to resolve anything.

Resolving trauma for yourself not others, getting yourself to a place where you can not be affected by past trauma is the goal. Escape present abuse, avoid future abuse, all anyone really wants.

Best way to do that is to be in a good place so that you can recognise the good and bad going forwards. Be prepared if you encounter abuse and have to tools and abilities to protect yourself from abuse. Not always possible, all we can do is strive to improve ourselves, be prepared and hope for better.