Exhaustion and nothing else

[Philippe]

You know what? I am here, working on my computer, listening to music, and my wife, the woman I love, in front of me.

And yet, one single observation: living is a pain in the neck. Not a question, but a matter-of-fact observation. No sadness, no feeling, no depression: just a sense of exhaustion.

Nothing more.

 

[beaneeboo]

Sounds like you need a break of some sort.. change if scene... can you get one?

 

[Philippe]

You know what? I am here, working on my computer, listening to music, and my wife, the woman I love, in front of me.

And yet, one single observation: living is a pain in the neck. Not a question, but a matter-of-fact observation. No sadness, no feeling, no depression: just a sense of exhaustion.

Nothing more.

Not sure. When I decided to leave my mother who used me as a sex toy until I was 18 and who sold me when I was a child, it was as if something had been taken away and nothing remained, but boredom and something that I can't name: is it pain, is it just a wrong tendency to always complain. I drank so much to away. I couldn't sleep without drinking. Then I met my love and I no longer needed alcohol, only when she was not there. Night is the worst. Yet, still that sensation that all feelings are bad, or treacherous and that only the void was true and could be trusted. No idea what I'd like for myself, and couldn't care less. I know what I don't want, maybe. I'm here to please my love and our children.

Is it bad?