Experiencing Other People's Touching?

[DogwoodTree]

When you see other people touching each other (innocently...not necessarily in a bad way), do you feel anything?

At equine therapy the other day, two of the horses were nuzzling each other, nipping at each other's backs to scratch each other. They seemed to be enjoying it. But I couldn't watch it. I kept looking away, and then it occurred to me to mention this fact to my Ts.

They were befuddled. So in the course of the discussion, it dawned on me that not everyone experiences seeing people touch the same way I do.

When I see people touch each other (or horses touch each other, lol), I feel it on my own skin. And because I don't like being touched, I don't like seeing other people touch each other, either. It's physically painful to watch people touching each other. It sends shockwaves up and down my spine, and the aftereffects of that experience can linger for hours or even days.

I thought this was normal, but apparently not. So I did some research. Turns out, this is called mirror-touch synesthesia (I also have color-grapheme synesthesia). For most people, the condition isn't bothersome because touch doesn't bother them. In fact, it helps them be more empathetic with people because a person with mirror-touch synesthesia can feel other people's physical experiences of pain or pleasure or whatever...seeing someone fall and get hurt, for example, makes the synesthete hurt, too, and so they're compassionate towards the person who got hurt.

That works well if the synesthete experiences touch the same way as the person being touched (like, if they both like hugs). But for me, where touch is painful to feel and painful to watch...it's constant overwhelm around people.

So I asked on my aspies board if anyone else feels other people touching each other, because I thought it was an aspie thing. But apparently not. So now I'm wondering if it's a C-PTSD thing.

Does this sound familiar to anyone? If you see people hold hands, or pat someone on the shoulder, or give each other a hug...do you feel anything yourself in your own body?

 

[Kisharha]

Yep. I hate being touched, and will even cry if someone tries to hug me. Seeing people touch each other can make me grind my teeth and I will have to look away. Though I do have PTSD (not sure what the C is for you threw in there) I have often thought lately I might have slipped by with some form of autism being missed, as I have such bad socialization issues and cannot hold eye contact with people. So that probably won't help you as to if it's an Aspie/PTSD thing I guess =( But you still aren't totally alone!

 

[DogwoodTree]

PTSD (not sure what the C is for you threw in there)

The C stands for complex: complex PTSD. It's not an official dx, but tends to differ from "regular" PTSD in some pretty consistent ways. Tends to result from chronic and/or childhood trauma.

https://outofthefog.net/CommonNonBehaviors/CPTSD.html

 

[Friday]

Any chance you have SPD?

***

Yes & No.

I'm ADHD, which includes something I refer to as "sensory schtuff" as a facet of the disorder, which if it presents all on its lonesome is called SPD (sensory processing disorder). Just like anxiety can be part of PTSD, or exist all on its lonesome as an Anxiety Disorder. Another facet of the disorder (ADHD) is that I'm aware of everything, all the time, except under certain circumstance. Hundreds of tiny pieces of information, all uploading simultaneously.

The world is an incredibly vibrant place to me.

I see how people move... Know where they're going to be next based on hundreds of subtle cues. I read faces & body language like an open book (incredibly difficult as a child, because most people lie, almost continuously. Their faces and bodies say one thing, their mouths something else... That's half of ADHD social awkwardness -or extreme charisma-, by the by. My son has the charisma. ((As an aside, Aspies tend to be incredibly relaxing for most ADHD folk to be around, whether we like the individual or not, because of the tendency not to lie freaking constantly. We get fairly obnoxious about it, the lack of cognitive dissonance, is kind of moth-to-flame.))

I had a harder time distancing myself from the way people around me felt, emotionally. When I'm not doing well maintaining my own integrity/boundaries, I avoid looking at people. It's too easy to take their emotions on as my own. It's just science, not magic, and yep. A form of mirroring. Feeling physically? It's a duller thing, typically, but yes... That's also there. Or rather, it can be. Again, totally depends on how well I'm minding my boundaries.

I've always considered it fairly natural. Like guys wincing when someone else takes a nut-shot... Just, like with so many other things ADHD related... Taken to a bit of an extreme. Like super-tasting, or feeling the printed ink inside of a label on a shirt, or knowing the rough layout of your circulatory system from feeling the blood move through it, or seeing shifting sand and "knowing" what caused it to move/ from where/ in what direction at what speed.

When I see people touch, if I'm not consciously ignoring it? I get three pieces of information; what A would probably* feel along their body, what B would probably* feel along their body, and what I would feel along mine. It's usually a pretty ghostly thing... But I also get the trajectories of where each of those people are going to be next, and a few hundred other pieces of information. Just part of the wash of info that's always around, except under certain circumstance.

Straight up SPD... Differs quite a bit from ADHD sensory stuff... Because my understanding is that the wash of information isn't there being all nice & distracting. It's not one more thing, in a sea of things, to learn to ignore (or focus on as you choose). Straight up SPD people only have the sensory component. In talking with ADHD & SPD peeps... The general consensus is that it's almost a flip: SPD tends to be senses reaching for more info, instead of running around like a lunatic trying to dampen & tune out all the extra info.

Don't know if any of this helps.

* Probably = I don't know what they really feel. Took me years and years as a kid to sort out that people feel things differently than I do & vice versa. Unfortunately, the micro expressions in their faces usually read far too clearly. That took years to delineate, as well. I may know that a smiling person feels deep shame, or sadness, or whatever... But I don't know what they're ashamed of, or what is making them sad. It's far too easy in both cases to jump to conclusions.

 

[FindingMyself88]

I have C-PTSD too. My issue with touch is a bit different. I don't mind it from VERY few people- people I REALLY trust. But even then it can be hard. I cannot watch people be overly touchy- especially couples. That makes me sick. I also cannot watch mothers and daughters touch... GINORMOUS trigger for me.

So I think my issues are a bit different from yours but same in some aspects.

 

[desiderata310]

Right here. I''m not an aspie just severe PTSD. I don't like to be touched by people. I don't like to hug. I am not a fan of PDA's. I can and DO tolerate them when I must but some days I can't handle it at all.
I think I experience PDA's much the same way that @FridayJones described.
I'm a HSP(highly sensitive person) so take that however you will. I am sensitive to noise, sensations, umm... everything. It's hard to drown out that extra sensory mess on a good day and it will push me over the edge and make me more triggered on a bad day.
I find this all amusing since I work some place where high sensory input is the norm.

I know I am ADD as well.. hmm

 

[Kisharha]

Okay I should mention here I'm also ADD, I bet that might be the actual dinger, or that coupled with anxiety from ptsd?

 

[Ronin]

Yep to what Friday said along side of tendency to pick on subtler / weird stuff about people. (I don't like labeling any of it as paranormal because of a lack of belief something I've experienced whole my life & multiple people & happenings affirmed is any way abnormal. It's just pieces of information that aren't necessarily chronological at all, or relevant at the moment, or even topical for the situation.)

At times it gets super annoying when I over-mirror other people. Still something I'm trying to learn how to deal with, boundary establishing & keeping them that way.

On another hand it also made genuine friendships & some work paths easier, so if there's some coping mechanisms to fall back into at all times, things are digestible.

 

[desiderata310]

@Cashew yep. It actually took my therapist aback. He realized pretty quickly that if he's having a bad day he can't hide it from me. I can pick up on it and it impacts me.

 

[DogwoodTree]

I don't like to be touched by people.

Does it also bother you to see other people touching each other (but not touching you)? That's really what I'm asking about. I don't like to be touched, either, but seeing other people touching each other (without touching me) is almost just as uncomfortable.

 

[Ronin]

Could that be own abuse mingled in, @DogwoodTree? Making already existing sensory issue skewed in a particular direction? Asking because I've had similar issue emotionally for a few years and it wasn't something perma tied with my processing; it was, however, very linked to my own abuse at the time.

 

[DogwoodTree]

I cannot watch people be overly touchy- especially couples. That makes me sick. I also cannot watch mothers and daughters touch... GINORMOUS trigger for me.

Agreed...and I think @FridayJones touched (ahem) on something important--that guys are "triggered" by seeing another guy get a "nut-shot". But when I described to my DH what I experience when seeing other people touch each other...that I feel the touch on my own skin...it was still a foreign concept to him.

So...seeing people touching can be a trigger...BUT, do you actually feel the touch yourself when you see it? Or does it just trigger painful memories/etc?