Experiencing Other People's Touching?

[desiderata310]

@DogwoodTree Some days yes. public displays of affection make me squirm on a good day. I usually look away.

 

[DogwoodTree]

Could that be own abuse mingled in, @DogwoodTree? Making already existing sensory issue skewed in a particular direction?

I'm sure they're intertwined... I suspect, for me, it was a genetic sensory issue (even without abuse history, I wouldn't have liked to be touched), which was greatly exacerbated and distorted from growing up in a family where boundaries didn't exist on almost any level...making me more aware of and sensitive to touching in my environment. Watching my sisters being abused was just as traumatizing as when it happened directly to me. (He didn't even have the decency to do most of this stuff in private.)

 

[Ronin]

Relating quite a lot, @DogwoodTree. I stand other people's pain far less than my own, on every level, and it's still something that hurt concealing, and heck of more when not.

 

[illusionist]

I look on in admiration....wouldnt it be lovely to have the freedom of mind to show such affection and be totally oblivious to anything that can come between myself and the other person .

 

[DogwoodTree]

Just gonna quote your whole post, @FridayJones, lol...

Any chance you have SPD?

I don't think so. I actually have really good motor skills overall. Poor motor skills is supposedly a defining characteristic of SPD.

The traits I have that are similar to SPD, I think are better attributed to Asperger's because of the social issues I have as well.

I see how people move... Know where they're going to be next based on hundreds of subtle cues. I read faces & body language like an open book (incredibly difficult as a child, because most people lie, almost continuously. Their faces and bodies say one thing, their mouths something else... That's half of ADHD social awkwardness -or extreme charisma-, by the by.

Yes, this. Their body language, which I'm actually highly, highly attuned to (hypersensitivity here), is saying something completely different than their words. And they're not even aware of the dissonance!! I've always had such a hard time interpreting what someone means because I get all of this conflicting information, and it's so hard to know which layers to respond to.

My responses tend to be based so heavily on algorithms...rules...but having good rules doesn't help much if the data coming in is self-conflicting.

I had a harder time distancing myself from the way people around me felt, emotionally. When I'm not doing well maintaining my own integrity/boundaries, I avoid looking at people. It's too easy to take their emotions on as my own. It's just science, not magic, and yep. A form of mirroring. Feeling physically? It's a duller thing, typically, but yes... That's also there. Or rather, it can be. Again, totally depends on how well I'm minding my boundaries.

Good point, that there is emotional leakage and physical sensation leakage. Overmirroring happens with both for me, too.

When I see people touch, if I'm not consciously ignoring it? I get three pieces of information; what A would probably* feel along their body, what B would probably* feel along their body, and what I would feel along mine. It's usually a pretty ghostly thing... But I also get the trajectories of where each of those people are going to be next, and a few hundred other pieces of information.

Yes, I feel both sides of the interaction (person A and person B) as well as the experience I would have in either position. So...I can see that both of those people are enjoying the hug. But I wouldn't enjoy it. So I also feel the discomfort. There's the strict physical sensation (pressure on shoulder, arm, against chest) of each person along with my body's interpretation of those sensations (intrusion).

And the whole idea of trajectories...being constantly aware of each person's position, energy, attitude, movement...and layout of the space I'm in (like where doors, windows, furniture is located) and flow of energy in that space (where would one walk, come in, go out, sit, get items, do work, whatever)...all of that information is received, processed, and stored.

Took me years and years as a kid to sort out that people feel things differently than I do & vice versa. Unfortunately, the micro expressions in their faces usually read far too clearly. That took years to delineate, as well. I may know that a smiling person feels deep shame, or sadness, or whatever... But I don't know what they're ashamed of, or what is making them sad. It's far too easy in both cases to jump to conclusions.

I'm just now figuring this out, realizing that the conclusions I had been reaching are far less reliable than I thought. I'm slowly learning to be present to the raw data without putting my own spin on everything so much. And in the process, I'm finding that people think very differently than I thought they did. I'm also realizing how enmeshed my family was/is, and how deeply my worldview was dictated by that history and their perspective on everything.

 

[FindingMyself88]

So...seeing people touching can be a trigger...BUT, do you actually feel the touch yourself when you see it? Or does it just trigger painful memories/etc?

Some days yes. When its a couple or a man touching a woman specifically- yes it does feel like I am being the one touched because I don't trust men at all (sorry guys, I just don't). Every man I have trusted either abused me or abandoned me. But for me its different. It feels like I am being touched because it typically triggers a flashback for me.