Falling Down

[Fighting back]

I can start to feel myself struggling again. I have been doing well for a while now. But I can feel myself falling down. I can't cope with falling down with depression again. Sometimes I think it's best to feel constantly low, then I don't have to feel the effects of the come down.

Does anybody else feel the same?

 

[Venusian]

I hate that feeling when you know it is coming and there is nothing you can do to get out of the way. It is like a freight train is coming and you are in the middle of a trestle with nothing but a raging river below you. I've been there.

I don't really know how you get through it but you do. When you are right in the middle of it, it is hard to remember that it does get better..., but it does. It sucks that you can't see the better coming like you can the freight train. The better is more like a handcar, slow but steady and takes a lot of work and works best when you have help.

If you have a support network, someone that you can talk to or vent to, a friend or a help line or even here online. It helps me get through. I write, do a hobby (when I can), I am in a support group right now to learn how to live with all the things I have gone through. I have had to start medication and it helps immensely but it took several different tries before we found the right one, there were a couple that just made things worse instead of better. The one I am on now works but the doctor is still trying to get the dosage right.

You said that you have been doing well for a while now, so you know it will get better. You've already done it, you can do it again, as many times as you have to.

 

[Fighting back]

Thank you Venusian, I am not currently in full time therapy, I have been on and off for many years. I am on a couple different anti depressants and they do help, but I guess they can't fix it all and I will fall down.

They way you have explained that is so right, I feel today is going to be hard. It's so hard to go to work like this.

Thank you for your support x

 

[cherryblossom]

I think it's important to try to remember any skills you did learn in therapy, for instance grounding techniques, relaxation exercises, and perhaps any of the CBT work you may have done to help you alter negative thinking patterns.

The only way to fully overcome these bouts of depression in the long term, (if it's caused by your past trauma) is to revisit therapy, and really work hard on your trauma and all those negative thoughts surrounding that.

However, in dealing with depression, one of the best things you can do is try to look after yourself and be kind to yourself. Make sure you have a healthy routine and force yourself to stick to it. So that means having a good and regular sleep pattern, avoid substances such as alcohol, nicotine and caffeine. Try to eat regular and healthy meals, and then give yourself some 'me-time' to do things you enjoy. And also try to involve both time in the outdoors, and a bit of exercise, even if it's just a short work in the fresh air.

I know how hard it is to do any of those things when you feel depressed, and it would depend on how deep your depression is as to what goals you set yourself. I know that, in the past, I've been so low that even just getting out of bed and showering has been a big ask. So depending where you are with you depression, start with smaller goals and build up. And remember to give yourself a pat on the back for everything positive that you do!

 

[miss_isolated]

I think I understand how you feel. For me, I don't see the point of me participating in my own life or anyone else's (not in a suicidal way, that chapters mostly in the past for me now).

For 2-3 months or so, I do well socially, listen to my good, forgiving, happier self then I just slip back down into depressing thoughts somehow and I feel my family and friends strong vibes of hatred towards my "depressed self" which I know isn't the real me.... but I don't know... it's a perverse comfort to me to just stay indoors, stay on the internet and have virtually no contact with anyone and it feels like a massively unbearable event when anyone has a conversation with me or invites me out of the house which feels just like the whole world is crashing down and I feel anxiety inside.

I just keep losing the life inside of me and It's the same with eating healthier food - I just keep slipping back :( I guess I need to find the root cause before I can do something about it.

 

[Lucycat]

I too have periods of weeks/ months even when I 'forget' how bad the downsides are. I don't like to think about it, because I have no intention of going 'back there'. Then... I feel the beginning of the downslide. Just a little slip, I'll be alright, I don't need to do anything about it, I don't need anybody's help, I can do this by myself.

Then, when it is too late I realise I have tumbled into that dark hole after all. Because I never told anyone I was slipping they never saw it. It is such a long way to reach down and help pull me out. I don't want to put anybody to the trouble so I will just curl up in this hole and hope they don't notice until it is all over - whatever that means.

But! I have been there and bought the T-shirt several times. I don't want this to happen again. I am much more aware of that first slip now, and am trying to be proactive in prevention. I have learned to reach out for help sooner rather than later. I am no longer scared or ashamed of asking for help. I trust in that help and know others are willing and able to help me - as long as I tell them.

Yes, it is certainly exhausting trying to take such intricate care of yourself. It is difficult to say things are less good when perhaps yesterday was a great day and nobody will understand the sudden changes.

I was at a very interesting training day on Friday. One speaker stood out. he said;

"Expect the unpredictable and predict the unexpected."

I guess that means, be ready for anything and don't be surprised- and for me that includes my mood or a black hole staring at me - and knowing what to do when I am facing it.