Father Is The Monster In My Nightmares

[Deleted member 19804]

I've been having some terrible nightmares lately. Not just because they were scary, but because the person chasing and hurting me in my dreams was my father.

It really upsets me because my parents are two of the most important people in my life. They are kind, loving, caring and selfless people and would never hurt me in any way. And yet I have been dreaming about my father chasing me and raping me over and over again.

It hurts me so much in the dream that it even influences the way I look at my father throughout the next day. I hate that I can feel afraid when he hugs me, even though he would never never never even think about doing such a thing.

Why is my father the monster in my dreams instead of the real rapist or a stranger? How can I differentiate these dreams from reality?

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Aw, crap :( I used to have those same exact dreams. They're horrible, I think I understand what you feel completely. In my case the nightmares have stopped, they've transformed into the daymeres I described in another thread. Not saying that to disencourage you, just I know what you're going through.

Can't say my dad was a saint, when I was a teen he was a authoritarian control freak, but when I was small he never did anything to me as far as I can recall. However when I was small somehow I was also scared that he'd treat me in that way. It is very confusing, I have the luck to have my dad living on the other side of the planet, literally. So I don't have to face him.

I have a hard time differentiating these (in my case, visions) from reality, too. And even a harder time talking to people about it. I'll be returning to this thread to see if anyone has good advice for you :) Digital hug if wanted... !

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Thank you for sharing your story with me, Radise. Even though I would never wish this upon anyone here, it is comforting to know that somebody knows how it feels.

In this case it may be luck that your father lives so far away, but I can imagine it could also be hard to not be able to see him.

Digital hug back! :)

 

[macca]

I've had these nightmares too. Though my father never sexually abused me, he did terrorise me and emotionally abuse me. I have bits and pieces that seem to point to having been sexually abused as a young child, but I'll never know who I think. My T thinks that my brain is saying my father abused me, in a general way.

 

[Overcast]

Are you on any new medication. When I took steroids for my asthma flare ups and sudafed I would have nightmares of my abusers and the person who robbed me but I would see safe people in the nightmares and flashbacks

 

[Deleted member 19804]

@macca : I really hope that your T is right. You're having a more than hard enough time already because of your PTSD.

@Overcast : no, I am on antidepressants, but I have been for 2 years now.

So far everyone who replied seems to have suffered some sort of abuse from their father or has an external cause for it. But my dad never abused me in any way. He and I are very much alike personalitywise and have a very strong bond. He is battling depression too, but would never take things out on me, especially not in a sexual way.

That's why it's so strange that I'm dreaming these things about him.

 

[macca]

Maybe your subconscious is using the strongest representation of "man" that it has? Without him ever harming you in any way, your Dad might be the default symbol? I've had something like that happen before, though I'm afraid I cannot remember any details. :(

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

I know this may sound like complete gibberish, so you can ignore the following if you want :P I come from a very spiritual family, they're always thinking "why" and "how come I am here" and "for what reason am I experiencing this". I talk to them a lot about these things, also about the nightmares.

One thing they say is that maybe (it's a theory) anger and frustration over being raped or otherwise abused can create intense memories that are passed down from generation to generation. For example, in my case, my dad's father was sexually abused as a child and aqcuired a trauma. But he never talked about it, just once he mentioned it. When he had kids he treated them really weird.

My dad never did anything to me when I was a kid and yet back then, I also felt he would do things to me. It could be possible (although not in western rational thinking) that these are memories that are passed on through generations and need to be healed. My aunts say that right now we are in a time where we are healing our collective trauma so we can move on to another state of mind.