Fear Of Being Punished- Need Advice

[scaldedsheep]

I feel the same way. It's really killed so many opportunities for me. As soon as someone critiques me I feel like I'm 12 years old again and then I get angry. I then feel like I need to punish myself. I know this has so much to do with my alcoholism because I feel like I can never do anything right. Even if I do something right I feel like I'm doing it wrong. I get to where I hate everything and I don't want to do anything new.

 

[samuraisam]

Since the fear of being punished is related to an future event,exposing yourself to your fears reduces the fear,if you cant you can visualize yourself in that situation and being punished, that works for me!!

 

[712xx]

I can really relate to this thread. The aftermath of success is where I get messed up too. This may only be paranoia, but I do have many good reasons & examples that I can point to that nearly confirm my suspicions.

No matter how much I accomplish, there has been some kind of road block that prevents me from using my achievements to be a productive member of society for longer than a few months. Something has always ‘happened’ after a hard earned success – making all the hard work I’ve done pointless.

I feel like there is a group of people watching me and waiting for the right moment to come ruin my efforts. I know this sounds crazy, & maybe it is just paranoia, but there is a definite pattern in my life to prove it is a real possibility.

There is something about me that certain types of people find insulting or maybe offensive? Like my success is their failure -- so I need to be knocked down. Again, could just be paranoid. I just wanted to express that you are not alone with feeling scared to succeed -- because it seems to invite trouble. I'm tenative, but determined to find away around this problem.

Let's keep working, & if failure happens, or if someone comes to knock us off the mountain -- I want to develop skills to find a way to stay the course, or defend myself if need be. I want to become the mountain (metaphorically speaking).

 

[angel2write]

Wow, 712xx, I really related to all of that.

I know, rationally, that there can't actually be people out there deliberately foiling all my efforts to be healthy and productive... but I swear sometimes I could almost believe it.

 

[712xx]

^ lol,angel2write, I know right? It seems so crazy, but the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. When I get stuck in those paranoid thoughts, I have to stop, take a full breath and picture in my hands how heavy each side is -- the 'crazy paranoid side' in one hand & the 'rational, this can't really be true' in the other hand.

I then think, ok, even if it is true, what can I really do? Haters do exist. (check). Can I get rid of all the haters in the world? (no) I might can turn this around and think - cool, there are people out there who are so jealous of my success, they spend their own time trying to keep me from outshining them. Instead of thinking that I need to change, maybe I can be proud that I'm doing all the right things that I need to do for me -- I need to stay positive for myself, & be my (our) own best advocate.

I really don't want to let anything get in my way ... but when there are obsticales, it is really important to not let the progress that has been hard won be diminished due to complications in the road.

 

[TeddySue]

I seem to quit before I begin. I did a weight loss class at church 10 years ago. I lost 90 pounds and gained a lot of enemies. My success was seen by them as a threat.

I so want to start another class that would help me as well as others in the church. I have the material, but I can't get past telling them I want to do this, and showing them the materials. I've quit in fear of being triggered into rage again. I didn't the first time with the weight loss class, but had more intestinal fortitude because I could lose a lot of weight.

There is only one comment I remember as being positive, and it really wasn't that positive. A woman walked behind me and said, "you don't even have a butt." Okay, the desperate part of me accepted that as a compliment.

I live in fear of being judged or rebuffed and so I live in hibernation where I am safe. It just seems to build on the assumption that I am not worthy of success, and some of the harsh things I carry around are from years ago. I can't seem to get free. I can't sort through the language and find anything nice said by others.

This time, I am doing the dieting on my own and feeling so much better about it. It's my accomplishment and I don't have to open myself up to criticism or petty remarks. People can be so cruel.

 

[Jen93]

I have the same problem with a fear of being punished- especially by authority figures. If I even so much as think something bad about someone, or I'm rude, or mean, or say something that offends someone or I disagree when someone asks for my opinion I get body memories and flashbacks, and even though I apologize right after, I feel terrible.

I end up standing in a corner, and going to full-on flashback mode, or I say a quick "Sorry, I didn't mean to." and keep my mouth shut and dissociate for the rest of the time.

 

[mamachick]

TeddySue-that group sounds horrible. Groups like this are intended to provide the support needed for members success, not the competition and jelousy that these member demonstrated.

I do think starting a group can be a very difficult task in general. Every group needs a leader, and good leaders know how to follow. I think of Anthony starting this forum (not for the thin skinned), he may get praise today and bashed tomorrow. There are times that he must step in with rules, and times that he may need to let members handle their own problems.

I am sorry members were so awful. I have some friends who go to Weight Watchers. I know they want to avoid after a holiday when they gained a couple of pounds. Are there other groups you can join in for that support even though it sounds like you are self motivated and want to share, maybe you can share with others in an established group.

 

[TeddySue]

Are there other groups you can join in for that support even though it sounds like you are self motivated and want to share, maybe you can share with others in an established group.

That was not the only group I've started. 6 years ago I started a group in the church for those in the community, those who were struggling with bad things in their lives. We had a nice small group and we were there for these people. And then I found out my husband is a pedophile and my whole world came tumbling down.

I went into shock, and my PTSD went ballistic. I went into a drug induced (not monitored because the doctor left for another job and no one picked up on me at a high dose of Effexor) trauma/zombie mode and didn't get out until I took myself off the meds slowly and stopped the twice weekly therapy visits. HOW could a therapist help me in such a drugged state of mind? He didn't. He misdiagnosed me as D.I.D. which is not a right diagnosis. His group of therapists were diagnosing everyone with D.I.D. and I finally caught on...

 

[soulofLC]

TeddySue, what a struggle! Glad you are here giving voice to your experiences.

I too have found success to be costly in terms of relationships. I need to work on not sabatoging myself and feeling worthy of accomplishment. I have been knocked down by family, friends, colleages.

Thicker skin needed, plueeeease.

 

[ericaboo]

Powerful. I also become paralyzed with this phenomenon. For me - to embark on a task often means, one of two options - failure, punishment, shame, insult, devestation that it's never going to be good enough (That I'm never going to be good enough)

OR "success," and a feeling of having been suckered, controlled, used, laughed at, tricked...

This is how it is for me on a bad day - these demons stop me from doing anything, and I sit, resentfully, figuring out how to do absolutley nothing - which can be a challenge in itself.

At other times - my self esteem is sufficiently fed that I can push these feelings away and talk myself into doing things. Even then - it's like a huge mental drama to get myself going, and the smallest criticism or setback can and will stop me in my tracks.

Then - to get something done, in a healthy way, without a bunch of crappy baggage feels like this huge victory for me - that nobody around me seems to appreciate, and my happy dance is not shared with anyone -I'm thinking I have to learn to be OK with the loner happy dance - that is where the progress might occur for me...

 

[mamachick]

TeddySue-you have had more than your share, no wonder your world came tumbling. And then to be mis-diagnosed following all of this is terrible.

I know what that feels like to fear doing something based on past experience. I have found that small steps can help in the recovery. That is what I meant by being part of an established group. I am currently in a smiliar place-taking on the small and identifying the small success.