Fear Of Heights And Feeling Trapped?

[Kupo_Nut]

This is a major issue for me, I've always been scared (since I can remember) of being high up, even on the second floor of a building. This means that I have a fear of stairs, elevators and escalators. The latter two being worse for me. I always get intense fear when climbing a flight of stairs especially in a communal building (shops, schools etc.). A main panic attack I can remember was when I was left at the top of a flight of stairs and I was alone. I started screaming and crying, clutching the inside of a door frame for my dear life and even though I was screaming at the top of my lungs, it took at least ten minutes for someone to come.
This was at secondary school and it was in the middle of a lesson where the class moved room and left me behind. The fear was of being trapped and alone, not being able to move or go anywhere. This fear can be so intense it can't be for no reason, but I do struggle in sourcing where this fear comes from, it is embarrassing when people see me acting very strange around stairs and needing to cling onto someone to make it up/down them. This also happens when I'm in the country and there's a large steep slope or cliff, I get terrified, stressed and upset and I just want to run away.
I get so scared sometimes it is hard to explain to anyone why, I didn't have a trauma relating to stairs and heights, it is possible it's due to my hospital visits and having to go up and down stairs to my 'doom', but for it to be such an intense fear doesn't make much sense.
I'm just trying to work out why. Any ideas?

 

[The Albatross]

Abandonment? Just a guess.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Could be a phobia and unrelated to trauma or PTSD.

 

[Kupo_Nut]

I'm not sure, I can't remember being abandoned, but even phobias tend to be rooted in somewhere, it's just the intensity of it that I don't get, I'm scared of spiders but I never get a feeling of complete helplessness when I see one, I'm scared of so many things but my body reacts to stairs and heights like nothing else it's not just my mind, sorry, I know this seems futile as only I know my experiences, but it gets to me sometimes more than it should.

 

[Kintsugi]

I get stuck in parking lots. I think I've figured out why, how it's related to my abuse, but it seems so disproportionate to me. I don't start screaming, but I'll freeze. I've called friends before to come and get me out of the middle of a parking lot at my college--a small, super safe community--because I was equidistance between my car and outside the lot, and I couldn't make myself move from intense fear. :( Sorry you deal with this. It can get better. I haven't been stuck in a parking lot in three years, I think.

 

[Kupo_Nut]

Yes, that is like my situation with stairs! My friends know how I get and they now offer an arm automatically and I've even needed to phone them to come and get me when they were literally one floor above me.
I know how that feels but I can't get to exactly where it comes from. It feels so disproportionate and that's what I struggle with sometimes more than the thing itself, I get really angry at myself and my self esteem plummets to rock bottom because of it, mostly because I can't explain it.

I have had plenty of feelings of 'freezing' too, once I was walking along a road and I could see where I needed to get to but my body started reacting and I froze on the spot and someone had to come over and help me to my destination (I've always been saved by kind people) this was before I started finding it hard to go outside but it contributed a lot to that. For some reason, on stairs, my fear is magnified tenfold and the feeling is that I won't be able to move if I wanted to, that my body would shut down or I'd go mad if I attempt a staircase alone. When this started out I just got very dizzy around stairs for no apparent reason, I now think that it's unlikely not to relate to my PTSD as I was scared of them before my anxiety took hold but my childhood symptoms were still persistent.
I don't know, it's hard to describe I'm sorry for your experience, I guess I understand how you felt, it is a horrible feeling. I really hope it does get better, CBT helped me to stop freezing in the middle of a road but it did nothing for stairs .

 

[sun seeker]

Have you tried hypnosis to look for the root of your fear? It works for some people. You need someone who knows what they're doing and will stay with you as long as you need afterwards, if you end up in an intense flashback. I'm a terrible hypnotic candidate myself, but you don't know till you try it.

 

[Kupo_Nut]

I haven't tried hypnosis for that purpose, but I have tried hypnotherapy. Thanks for the suggestion though, it sounds like a good thing to try in the future if my current therapy doesn't reveal anything .