lol dancing bull no need to apologize i heard where you were coming from. I still battle with not wanting to run off to Africa, i am very much aware its an opportunity to have adventure and what not, and believe me when i say its almost a weekly struggle, as i have an open invitation to work top level jobs there anytime i wish.
I am also aware it does resolve some issues, i originally went to Nigeria as a means to gain back my self confidence and assure myself i could stand up to bullies and so forth(i still shake my head at the way i chose ). In many ways it worked but at the same time, i gathered many new but deep fears that dont trigger easily but when they do its like a living hell, for instance i was driving with my wife and we took a wrong turn in Baltimore and ended up in what could be termed as a dangerous neighborhood.
All i seen was a sea of african american faces and it immediately sent me into a serious flashback. The funny thing was i never experienced this sort of fear when i was there, walked amongst tens of thousandths in market places and what not and never flinched.
The hardest thing about complex ptsd is the actual complexity of our actions, what may seem simple never is, sure do we feel special because we can handle ourselves in environments that most people would fall into a heap in, yes, but then how long before our actions put us in danger of actually losing our life. Chances are never infinite
