Fed Up With Bf - Moving Out & Feeling Anxious

[Blue Survivor]

I've decided to make a BIG change - I'm moving out of the apartment that I share with my boyfriend and into my own apartment. And I'm so full of anxiety lately that it is giving me very unpleasant 'digestive' problems. I'm having them at work, where I have to call in a person to sit at my desk if i have to use the bathroom. Which is way too often this week!

Some background - I have PTSD from domestic violence from my ex-husband. My current BF has never believed (despite science!) that PTSD is real and can be awful to live with. So after repeated requests on my part that he do research, try to understand, listen to me when I'm trying to say what I need or what I can't deal with at the moment...I'm done.

The smallest thing - a parking spot - was the final straw. Our complex has a lot with dark corners, one of which my car was parked in. As soon as a spot right next to our door opened up, I said I was moving my car into that spot. Nevermind that I had verbalized the past few days that I was having a rough time with nightmares & flashbacks, nevermind that I had used words this same day about feeling 'nervous' and 'anxious.' Do I think that my ex-husband is sitting the dark parking lot waiting for me to come out to my car? Of course not; but I do feel safer parking closer to our door and if that little bit of security helps me then who cares? So I said I was moving my car and he told me that I was "acting extreme." So bam, I called off the engagement. I have had ENOUGH! Within two weeks I had a really bad nightmare, I'm talking sweating and screaming in my sleep. When I told him he says: "I bet you'd feel a lot better if my d*ck was in you." What?!? Who says that? That's when I decided to move out. I think I knew all along that he would never 'get' it.

But this anxiety - oh. my. god. It won't stop! It is getting to the point where I'm afraid to eat, because in my mind if I don't put anything in then I won't have to worry about anything going out so to speak. All I ever think about is how I will pay my bills, will I feel safe, what if I don't wake up in time for work, should I have committed to a full year lease, etc. I even dream about the move, and the second I wake up I think about it, and then it keeps me up at night too! What can I do to get rid of this anxiety - especially the 'bathroom' part?!? I'm dying here!

 

[Tanishq]

Sorry to hear you are going through a lot.

Your bf doesn't get you at all, it's apparent. He doesn't have any manner to talk with you in the least. This all can make you feel all alone in this. I think you made the right move to get out of this relationship before it gets even more messy.

Are you seeing therapist? Anyone to get help?

 

[Born to Run]

I think you have made a very good decision for yourself. Short term relief from anxiety could be anti anxiety meds. Long term relief therapy (+ meds). I had bathroom episodes like you, although thank god not at work, and in such cases the meds did not work in calming the digestive system down. However, without the meds those digestive episodes could have been much stronger, I don't know that. As it sounds so urgent could you not first see your GP and discuss this?

 

[Neverthesame]

I am all too familiar with gastrointestinal irritation from stress.

I can give you a bit of advice on this. Odd as it may seem, eating more will actually equate to less coming out. Allow me to explain. The human gastrointestinal tract works like a roughly 30 foot long assembly line. In order for poo to exit the back, food must enter the front. The cycle keeps it moving. When you are stressed out and having issues, the best thing you can do for alleviating the upset, is eating foods that are mild, easily digested, high in fibre and make sure to drink lots of liquids.

It is also a good idea to cut down on caffeine and nicotine, as they are stimulants which will irritate the bowel.

Stopping eating is also going to make it worse (I know, easier said than done. I do the same when I am stressed out) as it will slow your digestive process to a crawl. This can cause food sitting in your intestinal tract to begin decomposing, which is almost guaranteed to cause gastrointestinal distress.

Sorry to hear your going through such a rough time. Be good to yourself.

 

[Recovery4Me]

I have IBS however there are many gamuts such as Crohn's ect. It is important to go to a doctor to find out how your stress has manifested, so that you can ease the symptoms with meds for a bit. Possibly meds & test for both the anxiety as well as the bowel is in order. There is no quick fix but a steadfast regime to be kind to your body.

I take fiber gummies, make sure the water intake is proper, eat various foods like celery or peanuts daily to promote movement and stop the blockage as it can lead to...well...just go to the doctors please and s/he will explain. Ginger fresh and diced placed in to the water cold or made into a hot tea mix will settle the bubblies as well as fresh mint (I grow mine for medicine). The proper amount of Ginger for me is about an half of inch slice (peeled) and used as one would a lemon and my stomach calms down in a half of hour roughly. The fresh Wintergreen or Spearmint for me takes a good several plumes or two handful of plucked leaves crushed in a tea base...30-35 minutes to work depending on age when I pluck the plants.

:hug:

 

[Blue Survivor]

Thank you everyone for the advice & support, I really appreciate it. With the pressure of finding help & a vehicle to move my bigger stuff and the anxiety that comes with worrying about my finances as I transition into a solo life...it has been a lot to deal with. Add the broken engagement & the break-up itself and it's no wonder I feel like I'm losing my mind.

Plus it makes me angry! To leave my abusive ex I had to be so careful, I had to plan so much and work so hard...it just doesn't seem fair that I have to start all over again because my (soon to be ex) boyfriend just doesn't get it and refuses to try.

Until all this transpired, I worked out 5 days a week and ate very healthy foods...I'm thinking that by not doing that over the past couple of weeks, it isn't helping me to feel my best. I can't tell you guys how many people I've told that exercise helps you as much emotionally as it can physically; maybe I should take my own advice in this case! I've just been doing so much, I can't seem to find the time. I think I should make the time.

As far as Doctors, therapy & meds go...I have no insurance. I was seeing a therapist for awhile who let me pay over time, but I had stopped going. Back then a big stressor for me was the fact that my bf & I allowed a family member to stay with us temporarily, which turned out to be longer than we really wanted him there and the stress & tension was high after awhile. That's a whole other story, though. The therapist then thought that I'd feel better after it was just my bf & I again, and I did feel a little better so I had stopped going.

 

[Tanishq]

I worked out 5 days a week and ate very healthy foods

I am glad to hear this. You have something to get healthy.

I think I should make the time.

You can do this. Yes, I know how hard it is to make time for something we really want to do.

Please keep in touch with this website, you can discuss with people here and stay sane while you are on the move with your life. So many people are very helpful here. You can give and get help here. :)

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

You sound like me. I swear, there are some rather...what is the word.....ignorant people out there in total denial of what we have as far as PTSD, survivor's guilt, etc. My STB ex being one of them. After a while, you get tired of sounding like a LP on 78 rpm spewing out what we have and what medicines we are taking and blah blah blah.

What I give you is a blessing of pure happiness and faith and love that you'll have once you're with yourself. Don't worry about being alone, okay? Being alone is better than being with someone who makes you FEEL alone; Robin Williams said that.

Heather

 

[Tanishq]

Being alone is better than being with someone who makes you FEEL alone; Robin Williams said that.

Profound saying from Robin Williams.

 

[Blue Survivor]

Thank you very much. I haven't exercised (which I think would help with the anxiety) but I did take a good chunk of one day to do 'me' things - and I swear it helped so much! I chopped & prepped a ton of veggies so I have all healthy choices, and so far so good with the 'bathroom' issue.

And the soon to be ex BF has been pretty good lately; but I'm not sure if it's because he finally gets it or if he doesn't want me to leave. I hate to be cynical but I'd say he just doesn't want me to leave. I'm so glad that everyone here 'gets' it, because otherwise I'd be losing my mind about now.

 

[Blue Survivor]

You sound like me. I swear, there are some rather...what is the word.....ignorant people out there in total denial of what we have as far as PTSD, survivor's guilt, etc.

Heather

I think that there is much truth in this. Unfortunately for me (and you with your ex, too) there are those who are ignorant and then those who are willfully ignorant...my BF is definitely willfully ignorant. I can't tell you how many times I've begged him to research this and to accept it as real. Although it sounds like I don't have to tell you or anyone else that. I am just looking forward to being alone, where no one can dismiss any of my feelings as not valid whether from PTSD, PMS, or any thing else!