- Thread starter
- #13
LeiaFlower
Confident
Thank you for giving me more perspective on the issue and seeing things from her side. Even though it was happening to me I forgot how uncomfortable it must’ve been for her, for someone to be that scared of them. During session it was hard to sit in the couch due to it feeling I was too close. I kept scouting further and further from her, and making eye contact was even more frightening due to it being a trigger in my nightmare. Where she forced me to look at her as she hurt me. I flinched in session when she reached out to give me something to write with and only allowed her to place it away from me. I know I should still have empathy for myself and what I went through; however, after reading what you wrote it brought back the empathy for her. She doesn’t do the nail thing all the time only remember her doing it one other time when I was talking about the abuse with my cousins. Of course we as clients will never know what our therapist past was, though I guess me talking about sexual abuse could cause her anxiety. With this I’ll try to be more mindful when I do ask her about it.Or alternatively (since we can't ever control the other person) 'to develop the way I'm interpreting the way people communicate with me so that it doesn't hit my self confidence so hard'...?
For me, if I'd been in that situation, I'd probably be a bit mindful that what I was saying was not only uncomfortable for me me, but also potentially for my T. Because unlike most of the stuff we talk about, it related to her personally, and not in a great way!
What I do know is people start at their fingernails very often as an emotional-regulation behaviour. It's very often not disinterest, but rather a subconscious emotional regulation habit. Anxiety? Pick at the fingernails. Discomfort? Pick at the fingernails. Fear? Pick at the fingernails. Not for everyone, but at the same time, still very common.
So, if she could adjust that behaviour to make you more comfortable? Awesome. But also, if you could have more self confidence when interpreting body language in others, so it doesn't throw you - that would also be a great outcome!