Feeling Down - Nightmares

[piglet]

:frown:

Had nightmares last night. On the plus side, it means I must have slept at some point. I'm finding the return to work much harder than I hoped it would be. Finding it hard not to berate myself for not handling it all better. I know I have to be realistic, but it's so frustrating wanting to do stuff when my brain just won't go into gear.

 

[anthony]

Have a look at tool 5 in [DLMURL="http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread158.html"]reduction of pain through self management[/DLMURL], and remember it please. I know its hard, I have done the return to work thing myself after months off, hoping to get better, and it was a struggle. Me... it didn't work for, so I decided to pack up my bongo's and actually did retire fully, as I was capable to do so... lucky more than anything.

Saying that though, I am starting to get bored now, as I am getting a much better grip on PTSD and dealing with people whilst having it, so I am thinking about going to do something a bit more leisurable, like becoming a personal trainer, and seeing how I handle just having maybe one client a day to go flog around, hurt and punish. I figure this would be a good job for someone with PTSD, as I can go take my frustrations out on someone else through exercise, that they are paying me for. Go figure!

Your doing great just to be there... now you just have to work out coping skills appropriate to yourself for use during the tough times.

 

[piglet]

Really not good today. I lost an hour this morning. It was weird. I know I wasn't asleep, but I don't think I was awake either. Something was going through my head, but I can't remember. I just know that first it was 6.23am, then it was 7.13. Feeling out of control and a bit freaked. I have a heavy day teaching today too. What a bloody mess!

 

[YoungAndAngry]

Piglet... I don't know if this is the same thing?
but quite often my boyfriend will come and find me sitting in a room alone...
not watching tv or anything, just stareing off into space...
but when he comes in the room I usually snap out of it,

The most common place for me to do this is in the bathroom.
It isn't unusual for me to spend 45 min or so in there,
but I have no idea what I do during that time.
He usually finds me sitting on the counter 3 inches from the mirror.

Maybe this type of thing is a form of avoidence?
I'm obiviously no professional, but I wonder if when we get too stressed, this is a way for our brains to just "escape" from ourselves?

 

[YoungAndAngry]

Now that you are back to work (CONGRATS!!!)
Make sure you get enough rest,
I really don't want to see you burn yourself out.

 

[anthony]

Really not good today. I lost an hour this morning. It was weird. I know I wasn't asleep, but I don't think I was awake either. Something was going through my head, but I can't remember. I just know that first it was 6.23am, then it was 7.13. Feeling out of control and a bit freaked. I have a heavy day teaching today too. What a bloody mess!

Piglet... I think you already know this actually, but I will tell you just to confirm it for you. You are going into this faster than your actually capable. Remember what I said about timing, and a person knows when its right for them to return to work? I don't think its the right time for you, as only a few days in, and your breaking down.

If this continues, you will be shutdown by the weekend and back to square one "a mess"! STOP, STOP, STOP before its too late.

If your feeling totally drained, exhausted, stessed and anxious, its only a matter of hours or days until depression will also hit. Be very careful please, or your going to fall over, and its not going to be pretty. Again, I think you already know this though.

I am getting worried, let me put it that way. If its not right, then step back, make phone calls to doctors whilst under this stress, and back the hours down now.... This is going to get messy I think... and that makes me concerned for your own well being.

 

[piglet]

Thanks for the support. I think I will be okay. I don't have to work until 3pm tomorrow, so I can rest up. Next Monday is a bank holiday too, so I get a 3 day weekend. I expected things to be difficult this first week - if I'm struggling as much next week, then I'll cut down (have a review meeting next Friday).

I was freaked out this morning though. I was in stress mode from nightmares and had decided that I wouldn't go back to sleep again. I then thought I'd try the breathing exercises. I gave them a go, but I felt weird, and the next thing I know an hour has gone by. I know I wasn't asleep during that hour, but I can't explain what happened. Wondering if it was dissociation?

Funny thing is I've now been worrying - what happens if I'm late for work! Think I need to sort my priorities!!:crazy-eye

 

[Shadow]

One thing I did to keep from zoning out or battle depression is made an actual "happy place." Pick a small spot in your house and fill it with things you Love. Nothing else. (Mine was a large pile of blankets with a sketch pad, some art books and a CD player where I could hide.)

After a nightmare get up and wright, wright about anything, play music or read, cuddle your dog. Make yourself feel safe, if you feel safe you won't need to zone out.

What kind of dog do you have?

 

[piglet]

She's a Collie cross German Shepherd. She had a bad start in life (she still cowers when people shout - just like me!) and no-one wanted to give her a home. It took me one week to get her behaving well - a bit of positive reinforcement and routine worked wonders. She's a beautiful girl - she gets pulled around, bandaged, bathed, walked etc by the students here and enjoys it. She really missed all the fuss when I was off sick - she just had me to put up with!

Whenever I have a bad nightmare she's there by my bed waiting for me to wake up so she can get on the bed. Helps me get grounded pretty quick.

She's worth her weight in gold.

 

[lizagirl]

I know exactly what you mean. I couldn't have a dog in my apartment, so I got a cat. I wasn't really a cat person..but something was better than nothing...a couple months after I got him I had my accident. I can't even begin to explain the comfort he brought me. I was in a full blown depression, he always just sat with me, for hours. I would sleep, he would sleep right beside me under the blankets. When I fell he came up sat right in front of my face, pawed my nose, and then waited. When I had the crutches he would keep pace beside me.

 

[YoungAndAngry]

I have an Amstaff... and he really helped me pull through some dark days. Animals are so loyal, understanding and non-judgmental.

6 months ago I had abdominal surgury... when I came home from the hospital my 100 lb young energetic dog suddenly became my own personal nurse. It was nothing short of amazing, he never left my side, and he'd offer his body as a brace to pull myself up out of bed. It was like he knew I was injured, and instinct took over.

Since April 2005, I could probally count the number of times I walked him on 1 hand
(yes, I know... I'm horrible, but physically I was unable)
So after taking Piglets initative, I have walked my dog 3 times already this week, and the weirdest thing is...
he is walking like he's leash trained!!! He doesn't pull on the leash at all and basically walks right beside me.
The strange thing is.. before I got hurt... my dog was a nightmare to walk, he would jump and bite at the leash and tow you around.
The other night my boyfriend tried to take him out, and he displayed all his previous horrible leash behaviour, jumping and pulling, etc...
But with me... it's almost like he knows I can't handle that.

Piglet I'm so glad you were able to give your 'lil girl the life she deserves, regardless of her past. You rescued her, she's probally just trying to return the favor :)

How about petting her or hugging her as your are doing your breathing exercises?
It might ground you more...? I know "losing time" can be very scary.

 

[lizagirl]

Losing time IS scary. I spent alot of time only half remembering my days. Struggling back to reality was tough, I know I was staring at something, but if you had asked me, I couldn't tell you what it was. It is as if your mind shuts your conciousness out for a time, a mild battery charge of sorts I guess. I know for myself, when I came out of it I felt strangely calm, disconnected. I was confused granted, but other than that, there was nothing. I still get like that sometimes. Piglet and Young, I'm glad you found some way to get youirself through. Alot of the time it is the simple things that will pull you through, your pet, a sunny day, small things. It's strange don't you think how much you begin to appreciate these things? How crucial they are to get you through the day. I know I look at everything different now.