Feeling like an intruder and wondering if my situation is valid

[CatInTree]

I've been here a few days. Since everyone has been welcoming this is a me thing. To be clear I've had a professional tell me that I have ptsd. This isn't a diagnose me thread.

I still feel like I'm the odd one here. Like I'm intruding someplace where I have no right to be. I wasn't diagnosed because of something that happened to me. I was diagnosed because failing at helping and protecting other people messed me up. Because of the environment I often didn't see any good options. To add to the feelings of not being valid all the communication took place at a distance. I've had people I communicated with die and spent almost half a decade blaming myself.

But I'm still alive. I was in that environment until I burned out after a year and half. I always had the option of leaving, but that would've meant walking out on those reaching out for help. Which is what I eventually ended up doing. But it's not like anything happened to me directly. And now I'm here in a community with people who have firsthand experiences.

And I'm probably rambling. I'm just so confused. Do I belong here? Am I intruding? I wasn't even directly speaking (as in using my voice) with anyone, it took place in writing. Live, but I didn't have to hear anything.

 

[SpacemanSpiff]

I'm new as well and I can say you a very welcome. I carry a different mental health label but due to past csa I find elements of this forum very soothing and the supportive environment is nurturing. I found there are many faces of folks on this site who just want to relax and smile. Welcome!

 

[FragileGlass]

I've been here a few days. Since everyone has been welcoming this is a me thing. To be clear I've had...

I work in a hospital environment, I want to let you know that I'm not always present for events that affect me. The issue with PTSD is its personalization to your emotions. You're emotionally connected to it and it's still going to affect you. I know many 911 operators who are not physically present for events, don't know all details, visualize any trauma events but suffer just as much as those of us who see it first hand. You don't need to see or experience everything to have things affect you.

That's the worst part of PTSD rationalizing guilt over those whom seem to suffer more. Don't feel guilty and absolutely embrace that no matter how simple or silly you feel your trauma is. It's still valid emotion and you deserve to feel ok joining those of us who 'seem to experience more'!

Hang in there!

 

[Deleted member 541]

@CatInTree I’m not going to be rude.... But you can’t have PTSD. You don’t fit the criteria for it, so whoever diagnosed you wasn’t a professional....

 

[EveHarrington]

@CatInTree I’m not going to be rude.... But you can’t have PTSD. You don’t...

Sounds like she's a dispatcher. I thought those kinds of jobs qualified for ptsd?

 

[FragileGlass]

@CatInTree I’m not going to be rude.... But you can’t have PTSD. You don’t...

911 dispatchers would give you a run for the money on the elements of PTSD they deal with. You don't need to see or experience first hand traum

My two biggest damaging moments are events I was not present for. I've seen a lot personally in the ER that would be qualified for damaging PTSD inducing issues.

It seems you might need to understand a little more on what induces PTSD before you're qualified to question a diagnosis.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Let’s have @anthony or @joeylittle voice in here. If I’m wrong, then I apologize to the OP!!!!

 

[FragileGlass]

Let’s have @anthony or @joeylittle voice in here. If I’m wrong, t...

Is there a necessity for you to be proven right here? This is someone who already felt out of place opening up and now you're shutting them down and bringing in others to validate your thought. PTSD relies on 5 senses in order to creep up on us in the future, auditory being one of the most heightened aspects. You only need one sense to be activated in crisis to create a problem in the future. Auditory is a painful one. Counsellors, psychiatrists, call centre reps use their auditory skills frequently.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@FragileGlass That’s Not what I said or meant. If I’m wrong, then I apologize, but let’s have someone that really knows the criteria voice their knowledge. OK??? It’s that simple....

I’ve always been under the assumption that you had to experience the trauma first hand, as in be there as a witness or be involved in the trauma in person in order for a person to have PTSD.

 

[FragileGlass]

@FragileGlass That’s Not what I said or meant. If I’m wrong, then I apologize,...

That would be a very frustrating and deadly wrong assumption.

I stand strong with members of the Emergency response system. From 911 dispatch whom are not there to experience first hand trauma but often listen in on these events until First Responders arrive. Then First Responders have a difficult task of taking over as the 911 unit don't know what happened until much later.

Likewise, I've been present for at least 100+ deaths in the ER, with at least a few hundred more in casual natural predictable deaths. It's two deaths that I was not present for that broke me. It was the months of daily restraining, overdoses, listening to their stories over and over again until they connected the dots and eventually ended things. Just because i wasn't there to see their deaths or bodies didn't make it any easier.

 

[Friday]

The OP has stated that this is not a thread to debate or discuss diagnosis.

Anyone who wishes to discuss diagnosis is welcome to open their own thread.

Anyone who continues to discuss or debate diagnosis will be thread-banned.

 

[anthony]

I thought those kinds of jobs qualified for ptsd?

They do. Diagnosis legit and should not be debated.

Experiencing repeated or extreme exposure to aversive details of the traumatic event(s) (e.g., first responders collecting human remains; police officers repeatedly exposed to details of child abuse).

The list in the DSM is not exhaustive... but would certainly include those who work at suicide hotlines and so forth. If your job is constant exposure to death, actual or threatened, then it would fall under criterion A4.