Sufferer Feeling Like Nobody Understands Me & I Should Get A Grip & Get On With Life

[DianeB]

At last my Dr sat and read some of my nightmare diary's and was horrified by what she read, they have gone from 2 a week to 3 then last week I had 7. The thing is this Dr is the one who has seen me through losing my brother & mother and also she was the one who helped me get my adoption files and medical records from being a baby, which read as a horror story in themselves. It feels such a huge relief to be believed. She said that she is sending me to get a clinical assessment for PTSD, she is now adamant this is what i have and said that she needs me now to be seen by somebody who can help me deal with this and help to get my life back on track but I am not to expect miracles as it can take time. She then said what one earth has this woman done to you Diane

 

[WillyKat]

I was having a chat once with a co-worker about therapy. We didn't discuss details cuz we were / are not all that close, but I mentioned that therapy is like crossing a river filled with pollution, human excrement, alligators, piranha, and electric eels--all to get to the other side, scarred but whole, where you are greeted by coping skills and, if you're lucky, the ability to forgive and move on.

 

[safenow]

Good analogy, WillyKat

 

[DianeB]

I really hope WillyKat that one day I can cross my river. Having somebody to help me make bridges across my river, is, I know what I need, learning how to cope with the mental torture, the mental exhaustion will allow me to breathe again. However forgiveness in the same river is too much for me to contemplate at the moment, not only with the demon that I unfortunately came into contact with at the end of last year but the demons I have from my past as well. Does that make me a horrible person though because I can't or do not know how to forgive.

 

[WillyKat]

I should not have mentioned forgiveness. It's a long way off for me too. Maybe never.

I do know that plotting revenge really sucks energy better spent elsewhere.

 

[DianeB]

Your OK WillyKat your right, I just don't know how or if ever. The birth mother of mine died a few years ago, I tried to convince myself at the time I forgave but never forgotten, but in all honesty I have never forgiven her for what she did, for and what she said. Now she has past on I do get relief in that she can never hurt again ...although the memories can continue that hurt on. At this moment I am really grateful that I have a Dr that believes me and is there supporting me.

 

[shoulderblades]

one of my Drs said "Its not like you have been in a war zone, you've not been kidnapped and you haven't been raped, so you need to get a grip and get on with life. Your still breathing"

That is a repulsive attitude from a doctor. Unfortunately, it's not an uncommon kind of repulsive attitude among people, too. :-( It's particularly repulsive coming from a medical professional, whose job is to care for people and listen to them, regardless what the patient has gone through/is going through, not berate them for how they're feeling. Ugh, I'm so sorry you've had to deal with that. No doubt that would have contributed immensely to anxiety and nightmares.

What you've described having to go through is, to me, like a scene out of a horror/gore film! No wonder you're suffering so much, that's an awful thing to have to endure and constantly remember! Adding to it all the stuff you've mentioned about uncovering your birth mother and whatever stuff that's happened in your past that may be contributing to all your stress. *hugs*

You're in a very safe place here. I've only recently been put onto this forum by a good friend of mine, and the amount this site has helped is immeasurable. I'm really hoping you'll find the same help and support here. *hugs again*

 

[DianeB]

Shoulderblades thank you for you kind words of support. I hope to to find like minded people that understand the demons that constantly eat away at us, PTSD to me = FEAR.

The Dr who I saw at first was really good, he was the one who saw me when I virtually collapsed at the surgery and it was him that said you have been assaulted and your traumatized. Next time I saw him it was him that advised me take this further and report this person, of which I did. But I think he got tired of me pretty quickly (He is an ex army Dr, so no doubt my experience is nothing compared to what some of the forces have witnessed and been involved in) At one point we were discussing the fact I had lost the feeling of 4 toes and balance was difficult and I kept falling over because of it, and he said (Unbelievably) "Look my wife has had 2 caesareans and is numb where she has been cut and she doesn't moan she just lives her life and gets on with it" ............... I sat there flabbergasted, how dare he!!!!!!!! How on earth can you compare 4 toes that you use for balance and a small point that I am a fitness instructor that teaches 23 classes a week, to a scar across the pantie line of your tummy!!!! I still kick myself now for not actually having the courage to say that at the time.

His attitude in the end forced me to go to my proper Dr who has seen me for years. I wish she would have been there the on the actual day.

 

[DianeB]

On another note while I am ranting, how on earth did he not know if I had or hadn't been raped in the past!!! How dare he assume!!! The fact is I was sexually assaulted when I was 15, of which he didn't know about because it has never been put on my medical notes.

 

[shoulderblades]

Look my wife has had 2 caesareans and is numb where she has been cut and she doesn't moan she just lives her life and gets on with it

Wow. Just... wow. I've had a caesarean; the entire pregnancy/birth/post-birth experiencew was traumatic for me, and I still experience tenderness where the scar is ten years on, but it would never ONCE occur to me to make a comparison between my trauma and yours! What a terrible doctor. Even if he was helpful to begin with, that is an awful attitude he decided to take. As an ex-Army doctor, he ought to have known exactly how trauma works and how important it is to listen to trauma survivors of ANY kind of trauma. There is no "trauma olympics" or "abuse olympics". His attitude downright contributes to abuse culture, something which is extremely prevalent in our society, much like rape culture. I'm so sorry you had to endure such carelessness and cruelty.

You won't receive any of that kind of treatment here. This is a place for everyone to share their stories and support everyone; no one compares traumas or abuse here, and the mods do a great job of keeping an eye on that kind of behaviour. You are and will continue to be listened to here. *hugs*