Sufferer Feelings Of Self Hatred, Very Envious.....

[lulu bear]

I am a victim of childhood sexual abuse for many years and I am wondering if what is going on with me now is in part my past? I feel like my life is one big emotional roller coaster and lately feels like I am not getting off it. I am so envious of everyone and talking negative about people and then I hate myself for it. Can anyone relate to this or think it maybe related to my past or something else? Sorry a bit vague but I am also new to this type of communication

 

[YogiBear]

Dear Lulu Bear,

Welcome to the forum. I am new here, too. I totally relate with how you feel. I am also a victim of childhood sexual abuse, and have been finding myself on an emotional roller-coaster for the past two years after some very traumatic work-related events.

I do not feel good talking negative about people. I really relate to what you are saying here. I have been learning, through my therapist, that it is important to be true to yourself and establish boundaries. This means trying my best to talk to people, be polite, but direct.

I coped with my early abuse by being nice and calm. My therapist says it served me well in the past, but now that I am an adult, I realize that I am able to draw from my past experiences and stand up for myself.

This isn't to say that everyday isn't a struggle for me.

Kind regards,
YogiBear

 

[Red Feather]

I have a lot of jealousy to deal with. My life has fallen apart in many ways. Emotional roller coaster, no kidding. My life is so intense. Anybody who had deal with the stuff that goes on in my life, I'd like to see how he or she looks like at the end of the day. Enduring have taken a toll on my health. We are survivors. Like in Harry Potter, good people who has have bad things happen to them. I have a lot of bitterness, but at the end of the day, at least I can know that I am doing everything I can.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi and welcome to the forum. I do not like talking negatively about other people either. It just makes me feel bad about myself. I want to have a live and let live philosophy take hold in my heart. You are not alone. This is a real good place to be full of wonderful supportive people. It is nice to meet you.

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

 

[user17231]

Welcome to the forums! I know how you feel, I hate myself many days. I also spend a lot of time hating other people. I've read about the science of being happy (The Buddha's Brain is a great book) and it starts with being positive inside and out. It's very difficult and I think I'd be lying if I said I was event 10% there, but on the days where it "clicks" I feel much happier and fulfilled.

Good luck on your journey... lots of good things to read here.

 

[Whitneys story]

Part of any journey is being able to release our past programming. For those that have invalidated you, talking about their actions is not negative when it is truth.

Processing the negative is necessary in healing. JMHO!