Fighting Negative Thoughts About My Therapist

[Jane.l]

I think that's a sensible way forward - if you feel like he's a good fit for you then you just need to have a talk about what has really happened here - what is really hard though is to cope with inconsistency so if his illness is going to be a problem you may have to decide that he's not a viable option . That's really tough when you have got someone you can work with - but we not on that page yet - let's hope it can be worked out - glad you are feeling a bit better

 

[scout86]

One of the things I find difficult and confusing to navigate is "relationships", ANY relationship. If there's a way to screw it up, I will. Turns out that's not totally because I'm a defective human being, it's mostly because I never really had a chance to learn how to be IN a "normal relationship". Maybe you can't relate to that, but I'll bet you do.

Working with a therapist is a "relationship". I'm finding that there are parts of it I "get" and parts that I really don't. I need practice and a chance to learn. "Therapy" is a place to do that with someone who (I hope!) understands that and can & will help with the learning process. That means sometimes things get messy.

One of the things my dad used to say is "When the going gets tough, the tough get going." My take on that was always kind of "Yep, to the next town, the next county, the next state........." In other words, when dealing with people got complicated, it's my inclination to leave. I'll take the blame for being the "problem", don't get me wrong, but rather that trying to work my way through things, I leave. Turns out that leaves you alone, on the outside, looking in. That's an option, of course. Sometimes I think maybe it's the best option. Sometimes I'm not so sure.

I hope you & your T work through this to a satisfactory outcome, what ever that is. I think just the process of working through it will have benefits for you. Good luck!

 

[desiderata310]

Ok.. so a quick update since we have had two sessions since the fiasco of last weekend.
Tuesday's session was just hell on wheels for me. I was so triggered and terrified of what was going to happen that it's all a bit of a freaking mess in my head.

Essentially, he admitted that sometimes he gets overwhelmed but that it's the exception to the rule and not the rule. He apologized for not responding and praised me for calling him out on it. I had a really hard time with accepting that and I still do. He said repeatedly that I was absolutely within reason to expect him to respond with information about sessions in that manner and he had just let his own illness get the best of him that weekend (he was also dealing with moving his son to college and other things as well)

He reiterated that he is actually getting better but that he has to carefully monitor his own stress levels because his health, emotional health, stress levels are all very closely related because of the Lyme disease.

He had to reinforce that he very much wants to keep working with me. He reiterated that he is very much 'on the mend' and that this was an anomaly and he got why it was such an ordeal for me ... (OH MY GOD WHEW!)... trust issues anyone??

He did stop at one point turn to me and say something shocking: "I'm not perfect, you know. I know some stuff but I have flaws."
What? I mean, I get that we are all fallable but I guess I expected that because he is a therapist he has it more "together" than most. I suppose it's like being a mechanic or a pastor in some ways. You spend all your time taking care of that part of other people's lives that you neglect your own.

So Tuesday, I was a triggered mess and the trails were a bit of a thing to manage so he suggested that we meet in the office today but instead of meeting when everyone else is there in the building, that we meet at 7am before everyone arrives (We are both very much morning people) He wanted to see if being in the office would be different since there weren't all the triggery sounds or if I was triggered by the office itself.

It DID make a difference- a HUGE difference. He said I was the calmest he had ever seen me. Instead of being at DEFCON 1 I was sitting around something closer to DEFCON 4.

So while I haven't had a chance to process what all happened and what all was talked about, I can say that it was a very good session and I've gotten back to a place of comfort with my therapist.
heh....


Sorry everyone.. crisis averted... nothing to see here... go about your business....

AAAAAHHHH!!!

 

[Jane.l]

So glad you got it sorted . I had a similar conversation with my T recently where he said sometimes he is going to get it wrong and I kind of like that - I like that he's not perfect - I am comforted when he tells me he has struggled with things along the way I feel that means he
has a much better chance of understanding me - and because we have had a few rounds of misunderstandings I now feel comfortable calling him out on it straight away rather than going into melt down - which is why I was trying encourage you to email your T and get it out - you were brave it's f'ing hard first time you do it - pleased for you