Fighting strong self harm urges

[Junie-pie]

I'm a year clean from self harm... yet lately I've been fighting strong urges to cut, burn, scratch, and pick my skin. I've been crying for up to an hour on the daily. The entire months of January-March are going to be very difficult, as they are the anniversaries of several repeated sexual assault tramas (8 that I can remember, 4 I can remember clearly). I feel rotted inside and like I need to get it out.
I have nobody to talk to because of my current situation, and I don't trust any of my friends with this information. I've tried helplines but none have been helpful. I feel lost and in the dark. I just need guidance.
What do I do?

 

[J'qel]

Have you tried either baking or sculpting?

Both let you push, pull, cut and otherwise get out the feelings of destruction without it being on yourself.

If you're at the point where you feel it's all building up under your skin, I suggest a punching bag, a knife to a cardboard box (oddly satisfying), shredding paper, or throwing soft objects against the wall (suggestions based on needing to do so quietly, as opposed to screams-beighbours generally don't like that :P )

From what I've learned, the urge is closely linked to negative energy buildup-like being hyper but in a bad way. If you can drain out the energy somehow it often helps, or at least leaves you tired enough to get some sleep and try the next day-rinse repeat until you can see someone who can help, or until you feel better, or tired enough to shove your headspace into a book or movie.

*hugs if you accept them* feel better soon hon.

 

[Rag doll]

I hear what you are saying.... I know how hard it is to trust anyone .....it's a private hell...not in everyone's wheelhouse to get it...but " I do get it"...no matter how bad it is....you are not alone....take a deep breath...know you are not alone...this is a private club...no one wants to be member of this club....but there is so many of us....just do not give up...know the pain will stop