Finding It Hard To Bond With Other People

[GG2489]

Hi still learning how this site works?
I am currently isolating. I live alone and have for the past few weeks found it increasingly difficult to leave my home, do normal day to day activities or even get to my doctors. I am in a bad spell or blip as I call these times..
This is when I feel most alone.. Now I can hear you saying "but your isolating, What do you expect??" But I do not want to be alone I just find it really hard to be around people when I am feeling this bad..
My question is.. Does anyone else struggle to connect with other people? Bond with them, build relationships? I also struggle to ask for help when I need it.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

My question is.. Does anyone else struggle to connect with other people? Bond with them, build relationships? I also struggle to ask for help when I need it.

YES, YES and YES! The only way i know how to connect w/ people is through sex, including family. I also have a severe terror of people (social anxiety); people = they will hurt me and if a place i must be around people im thinking of the millon things that could happen and my millon of "exit stratigies".

 

[Gadgie]

Quote........."My question is.. Does anyone else struggle to connect with other people? "

Yes, I have been like that for years now, but it has got worse since my passed over a year ago.

Sometimes, I just simply can't go out at all, and when I do have to, I have to force myself to go out.

Other times, when I feel up to it, I will willingly go out, but it didn't mix with other people, and if I do meet other people, I find hard to communicate with them.

My mouth goes dry, and I tend to stammer when I try to say something, yet that doesn't happen all the time, so I must be improving,..........hopefully

 

[Chava]

I struggle with all of this, but for me the problems of isolating and not being able to connect are a little separate. For one, I'm truly an introvert and there's nothing wrong with that. But when I'm struggling I also want to be alone....I do not reach out for help, I don't go out, I turn off my phone, etc. I had really early trauma and likely attachment issues as a result, plus ongoing abuse in my home. Reaching out to others does not make sense, and actually feels too stressful or threatening to add to the mix when I am struggling. It's something I'm aware of and consciously working on. My therapist supports my little efforts at reaching out too. Mainly I try to commit to staying connected where I feel comfortable...good or bad, for example, I show up for my AA meetings. It helps to have those connections.

The bonding/attachment stuff is a little bit connected and yet separate. First you do have to get out of your house. And yet, you might have to take this down into pieces...go out to do the things you have to do. Consider meeting up with someone in a non-overwhelming place. Don't worry about building relationships if you don't even want to leave your house, but look at where you can nurture any relationships you might already have, or at least connect to some people, even if not in a super direct way. I'm learning what kinds of social interactions I appreciate or tolerate. I do have a couple friends but they somehow consider me a friend even though I go MIA for months. It feels like a major effort to call or get out and do something. So I stick to my AA meetings and on a good day I reach out to just one person. It helps me a little to recognize my highly avoidant attachment style...it's challenging to work around, and yet I also notice where I have to put some work into nurturing the few connections I have because they do matter to me. Are you in therapy?

 

[GG2489]

I struggle with all of this, but for me the problems of isolating and not being able to connect are a litt...

Hi Chava
Thank you for your reply.
I truly hate not being able to connect to people.. It makes me feel like a bad person.
I am glad you are finding ways to try to build on the relationships you already have.
It's strange not wanting to be alone but not wanting to be with anyone at the same time.
I was in therapy with a fantastic therapist but she had to leave. I am now on a waiting list but really waiting and hoping my original therapist will return.
I hope your good moments last longer each time.
Thanks again for the reply!!
G :)

 

[Kintsugi]

I struggle enormously with isolating, and I certainly (desperately) struggle with asking for help.

Bonding for me is very all or nothing. I either bond extremely hard and fast, or you are nothing to me.

I am also learning that I have a pretty severe off switch. I go numb when I think someone I am closely bonded to will abandon me or hurt me.

Sorry you're struggling. I'll echo @Chava: are you in therapy?

 

[GG2489]

Quote........."My question is.. Does anyone else struggle to connect with other people? "

Yes, I have be...

Hi thanks for your reply..
Definitely get the dry mouth and the stuttering.. I feel much better around people I don't know then people I do..

So sorry to hear of your loss. It's even harder when it's someone close as it's so hard to get close to anyone to start with.

Stay strong.. Thank you again for sharing your experience with me..

G

 

[GG2489]

YES, YES and YES! The only way i know how to connect w/ people is through sex, including fami...

Yes to all of the above .. Especially the need to know where all the exits are..

Thank you for sharing with me.
Stay strong.
G :)

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I am also learning that I have a pretty severe off switch. I go numb when I think someone I am closely bonded to will abandon me or hurt me.

I do that, A LOT! Probably why i struggle here w/ some of that.

My therapist said most Borderlines do but for me i think its that plus having everyone leave in the past.

 

[GG2489]

I struggle enormously with isolating, and I certainly (desperately) struggle with asking for help....

I was and have been in therapy since 1990 on and off..
I recently found an amazing therapist but she had to leave just when we were starting to get somewhere and that only took a year and a half..
Thank you for your message I wish I could feel close to someone.. I think I am to scared to as early childhood trauma with both my parents left me unable to bond..
I hope your strong relationships continue to blossom
Thank you again for your thoughts..
G :)

 

[Chava]

I truly hate not being able to connect to people.. It makes me feel like a bad person.

This does not make you a bad person, yet I relate to the feeling somewhat. I used to feel very flawed or dejected. Now I notice the challenges more like the challenges to do other things (keep daily life balanced, eat well, other goals). I'm not broken beyond repair, but connection does not feel very intuitive, or often even worth the effort. It helps to know their isn't something fundamentally wrong with me (like I'm not a "bad person"), but I can respect that I have my own limitations and also work a little more to connect in ways that feel doable for me.

Was the therapist you had been working with helpful for working with this attachment and connection stuff? What makes you hope she'll come back? Is there a chance of that or is just a wish? Not telling you what to do, just asking. I know it takes a lot of patience to work on this stuff and hard not to crawl into isolation and beat myself up there. It helps so much to have a therapist who helps me understand this differently, much more accepting of what I've been through. I hope the forum is helpful to you. And welcome! :)

 

[Gadgie]

Quote........"Stay strong.. Thank you again for sharing your experience with me.. "

That's no problem, after all we are all here to help each other out, and listen to what folk have to say, and why.