Yes, it makes no logical sense, but neither do emotions. I was speaking to a friend last night and he said to me that what he heard was me saying I'm the one who needs to change and I feel bad that I haven't been able to achieve what I wanted with them...but it's them who need to change, and they never will.
I just checked my email and found a letter from my provider there. He just doesn't get it. I have told him that I do not want him contacting me, but he thinks if he keeps sending me letters on special holidays that it is somehow ok. He's just disrespecting my wishes even more.
I have tried to block him several times on my hotmail account, but he keeps popping up there? I don't know what I am doing wrong? I followed the instructions, but somehow, there he is anyway? It makes me feel angry actually. I didn't open the letter...but I haven't deleted it either. It's messing with me as I've been telling myself that he's dead for a year now, and then he defies this by showing up alive.
Candleflames, yes I do believe I deserve better relationships, and I have been open to finding my real family. I have found people who feel like family to me, but they travel as they are in a band, and the others are quite busy with their career courses etc. So I do not get to see them as often as I would like to. I make do with the people I am around currently...and I'm meeting lovely people who listen and don't judge. I make do with friend online whom I haven't met in person yet, but they are real friends to me, so I can't complain.
