Dom Violence Forgiveness

[Lady of Longbourn]

I haven't read all of the reply's.

I have come a long way in my healing. I know that. But I haven't started thinking about forgiveness. I just don't know if I can or even want too.

Why? Why forgive?

But like I said I haven't really thought about it too much. I feel compassion for the man who would rape me, but not forgiveness yet.

Maybe I am just not 'there' yet.

 

[therapybankrupt]

I feel as though it is my fault the relationship is over, because I chose to leave, and I did it secretly, discreetly (for good reason! I knew if I gave him a head's up he'd lose his temper and likely kill me or find a way to keep the baby from me). He didn't want me to go, didn't want the relationship to end. He wanted me to come back and work it out, but I ran and hid and cut off all contact with him - so I've been beating myself up for.. well, being a coward I guess.

Yes I can understand all of this. Possibly because leaving secretly. Also claiming he still wanted you. Left you feeling he would come back changed someday. You loved him and didn't want to hurt him but you had to leave for your child's safety. So you in your subconscious still holds out hope of a reunion.

I had to research personality disorders to find that not everyone that says they still want you. Want you because they love. There are people out there to my surprise that do not have the capacity to love. They convince you they do by learning what you expect and want to hear to hook you. There is something they need from you. It is a horrible reality when you face this truth. Although letting go of the relationship becomes easier. Someone who loves does not abuse you or their children.

will never reconcile with my abusers as it is just not possible. There will never be a "sorry" from them as that is not in them. The best that I could do was reconcile myself with myself and move on.

I think this is so true intothelight. It is acceptance of truth and compassion for self at its finest!

 

[Nicolette]

Why forgive?

I believe, in terms of DV, if we are able to forgive ourselves the journey of healing becomes easier. We did the best we could with the resources and knowledge we had at the time. Looking back in hindsight and beating ourselves up for what we should have seen, done, blah, blah is where self forgiveness is necessary IMHO.

 

[Definitely..maybe]

I definitely could not have done what the girl in the movie did, and under no circumstances could I knowingly bring my child to face my rapist. I don't see that as forgiveness. Just dumb. (Sorry!)

As for me I realized I wanted to have no emotions towards my abuser, hate being one of them.

Honestly, I'm scared of him, like really scared. But I don't hate him. I deal with what problems he's left behind every day, but I don't attach him so much to those anymore, they're just my problems. Unless it's some sort of him specific trigger.