S
SatieMama
Hello Everyone. I have not tried to seek professional help, so I realize that no diagnosis can be made official here. However, I think it's a good place for me to start.
My 20-month-old daughter passed away in February from SUDC (Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood - similar to SIDS, but in children over 12 months of age). She was healthy and happy. We put her to bed, and everything seemed normal. She woke up around midnight for a bottle, which was normal. She sat up in bed, drank it, then went back to sleep. At some point during the night, she passed away. We had no idea. My husband and I woke up in the morning and got ready as usual. She slept late often, so we didn't think anything of the fact that she wasn't up when my husband left for work. I woke up my other kids, since they needed to get ready for school, then headed to my daughter's room as usual. When I walked into her room, I saw that she was sleeping on her stomach. Again, that was not out of the ordinary. Then, I realized she was face-down, and panic set in. I called her name, then reached for her to pick her up. When I turned her over, it was immediately apparent that she had passed away. I was in shock. While I knew what was happening, it didn't feel real. I ran to call 911, and then began the worst day of our lives. She was gone.
The part of this that brings me here is the fact that she had been gone for hours when I found her. Her facial expression was completely peaceful, like she was asleep, but death had really set in (I don't know the right words without getting into detail). My husband was not there, and I made sure my other children went downstairs so they would not know what was going on. I am the only person in our family who saw her like that. Those images strike me often. I feel like I can't breathe. I try to explain it to those closest to me, as if I somehow need to describe it to get it out of my system. It never helps. I also don't know how to handle the guilt that I somehow didn't "sense" that anything was wrong, and that I didn't find her sooner.
I will stop now because I don't want to make this too long, but thank you for reading. I apologize if I am not in the right place for this. I don't know where to find help.
My 20-month-old daughter passed away in February from SUDC (Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood - similar to SIDS, but in children over 12 months of age). She was healthy and happy. We put her to bed, and everything seemed normal. She woke up around midnight for a bottle, which was normal. She sat up in bed, drank it, then went back to sleep. At some point during the night, she passed away. We had no idea. My husband and I woke up in the morning and got ready as usual. She slept late often, so we didn't think anything of the fact that she wasn't up when my husband left for work. I woke up my other kids, since they needed to get ready for school, then headed to my daughter's room as usual. When I walked into her room, I saw that she was sleeping on her stomach. Again, that was not out of the ordinary. Then, I realized she was face-down, and panic set in. I called her name, then reached for her to pick her up. When I turned her over, it was immediately apparent that she had passed away. I was in shock. While I knew what was happening, it didn't feel real. I ran to call 911, and then began the worst day of our lives. She was gone.
The part of this that brings me here is the fact that she had been gone for hours when I found her. Her facial expression was completely peaceful, like she was asleep, but death had really set in (I don't know the right words without getting into detail). My husband was not there, and I made sure my other children went downstairs so they would not know what was going on. I am the only person in our family who saw her like that. Those images strike me often. I feel like I can't breathe. I try to explain it to those closest to me, as if I somehow need to describe it to get it out of my system. It never helps. I also don't know how to handle the guilt that I somehow didn't "sense" that anything was wrong, and that I didn't find her sooner.
I will stop now because I don't want to make this too long, but thank you for reading. I apologize if I am not in the right place for this. I don't know where to find help.
