WillyKat
Diamond Member
On Friday afternoons I have my therapy session. My job is flexible so I work at home on Friday's and don't log any hours after I leave for my session.
Last Friday, my wife came home early, about half an hour before I leave for my session. As usual, she needs to announce several imperfections after not seeing me for some time. So she's not even out of the car yet and asks why the garage door was open, was it open all day, why is my car in the driveway and not in the garage, why, why, and why...I won't bore with with answering because it was trivial.
But therapy and being on this forum has taught me that instead of getting triggered, I just let most -- not all -- of this just float beneath me. I didn't let it get to me as much as it often does. I just wisely decided that I would leave a little early, get away from her, and chill for a while before session.
But it did affect me. While driving I started to get into a rage, where I really hope no one sees me in my car or hears me yelling. I realize I'm raging though and turn on the music. A friend of mine made a CD of classic "hippie" music and was listening to that. By the time I get to the parking lot, I'm in a better mood. But I'm still early so I just lean back and keep listening to a couple more songs, including "I'm Your Captain" by Grand Funk Railroad, "Ride Captain Ride" by Blues Image, and "Long Cool Woman (In a Black Dress) by the Hollies.
By now its time to go into the waiting room. I sit down and look at nothing in particular. I thing my therapists and the others she shares office space with usually see kids. Most of the literature there is aimed at children.
Finally my eyes fall on Fox in Socks by Dr. Seuss. I can't help but start chuckling a bit, remembering how I nearly had a cardiac every time I *tried* to read that to my kid. I could hardly get through an entire page without busting out laughing.
I'm still chuckling by the time my therapist calls me in and I sit down. She's looking at me and smiling. I told her about the past half hour or so and the session goes on from there. At some point, the topic changed to me always feeling like I never know enough about whatever subject. My therapist tells me that this drive for all knowledge is probably related to the survival instinct I developed as a kid. She's right I think. It's helped me enormously professionally, but I pay for it in being really driven sometimes to the point where I become almost expert in some subject that I don't really care that much about. I feel I need to know something, because I'll be a failure if I don't. I think just knowing that helps.
I'm not sure exactly what it was about that day. All I know is that I feel like I've reached a turning point. For the first time that I can remember, I feel like there's hope for me, that I can have some good years ahead of me, that suicide is not my destiny and that it will happen "sometime this year" isn't the truth.
Lots of challenges still ahead, but I'm feeling pretty good right now.
Last Friday, my wife came home early, about half an hour before I leave for my session. As usual, she needs to announce several imperfections after not seeing me for some time. So she's not even out of the car yet and asks why the garage door was open, was it open all day, why is my car in the driveway and not in the garage, why, why, and why...I won't bore with with answering because it was trivial.
But therapy and being on this forum has taught me that instead of getting triggered, I just let most -- not all -- of this just float beneath me. I didn't let it get to me as much as it often does. I just wisely decided that I would leave a little early, get away from her, and chill for a while before session.
But it did affect me. While driving I started to get into a rage, where I really hope no one sees me in my car or hears me yelling. I realize I'm raging though and turn on the music. A friend of mine made a CD of classic "hippie" music and was listening to that. By the time I get to the parking lot, I'm in a better mood. But I'm still early so I just lean back and keep listening to a couple more songs, including "I'm Your Captain" by Grand Funk Railroad, "Ride Captain Ride" by Blues Image, and "Long Cool Woman (In a Black Dress) by the Hollies.
By now its time to go into the waiting room. I sit down and look at nothing in particular. I thing my therapists and the others she shares office space with usually see kids. Most of the literature there is aimed at children.
Finally my eyes fall on Fox in Socks by Dr. Seuss. I can't help but start chuckling a bit, remembering how I nearly had a cardiac every time I *tried* to read that to my kid. I could hardly get through an entire page without busting out laughing.
I'm still chuckling by the time my therapist calls me in and I sit down. She's looking at me and smiling. I told her about the past half hour or so and the session goes on from there. At some point, the topic changed to me always feeling like I never know enough about whatever subject. My therapist tells me that this drive for all knowledge is probably related to the survival instinct I developed as a kid. She's right I think. It's helped me enormously professionally, but I pay for it in being really driven sometimes to the point where I become almost expert in some subject that I don't really care that much about. I feel I need to know something, because I'll be a failure if I don't. I think just knowing that helps.
I'm not sure exactly what it was about that day. All I know is that I feel like I've reached a turning point. For the first time that I can remember, I feel like there's hope for me, that I can have some good years ahead of me, that suicide is not my destiny and that it will happen "sometime this year" isn't the truth.
Lots of challenges still ahead, but I'm feeling pretty good right now.
