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Freaking Out About Roommates

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From the title, I am examining housing options and basically the only option is to get roommates because I can't afford it otherwise. However, I am freaking. out. I have lived alone for the past 3 years and it has been golden. I grew up in an abusive home, so sharing living space is very triggering. Just the thought of living with people again makes me panicky.

I'm also an introvert. Seriously, if there is someone in the kitchen, I just won't eat that day. I'd rather starve than have to see someone. My best housing option right now is with some people I kind of know. They are really nice, but of course I'd prefer to not have roommates. Their house is very community-like and they have dinner together during the week- gag. 1, I can't eat with other people because of the anxiety and 2, I need to relax when I get home- some days I just go to bed without eating.

Honestly, I am a grump. I come home and I don't want anyone to talk to me, anyone to acknowledge me. Don't ask how my day was. I don't want to have to pretend to be a cheery and whatnot for roommates. I am exhausted from the stimulation of the outside world. My living space is my shelter where I can feel whatever I need to feel.

Worst case scenario I am worried that my condition will go downhill. My main symptom is hyper vigilance and I have major social anxiety. I try to spent time with people, but it's getting harder and harder and the past few times I've come home, I've binged. I can't imagine what it'd be like *living* with them.

I feel like living with them, I'd be the obvious "odd one out" who throws off their living situation/schedule. Do I just do my own thing anyway, or look for other options?
 
You sound like a real grump. I suggest that you, go it alone. Rooming house?!?!? Downsize to a studio apartment. Look into subsided housing. I wouldn't even think of moving in with others at this point. You'd be miserable, and not pleasant to be around, if you're really describing how you are...
 
You sound like a real grump. I suggest that you, go it alone. Rooming house?!?!? Downsize to a studio...
Haha, I wouldn't say a grump- more like wornout beyond belief. I'm not nasty to people and can count the number of times I've lost my temper.

It's more like I'm barely making it as it is. As a trauma survivor, I think it's a very normal reaction to not want to pretend and keep my happy face on at all times. When I come home, I need a break from all of that. I need to just be, which is someone with depression, anxiety, and a past of trauma.

But yes, I am looking at other options- living with people just isn't going to work.
 
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