Frustrating - can't post what i want

[Friday]

I realized after answering @joeylittle's post about using the anonymous forum, that even that is available to search engines and the only difference would be that members wouldn't be able to tell it was me. People I don't want knowing that I am talking about the abuse would still be able to find out if I were explicit enough. Just goes to show how confused my thinking is on this issue.

Premium Membership has access to both a non-searchEngine discussion forum, as well as an eyes-only trauma diary (only yourself & Anthony has access). The trauma diary wouldn't get responses since not even members could read it, but would allow you to thrash out your thoughts... And the premium-only forum means the person you're avoiding would not only have to find this site, and join, but also pay for premium access. Just a thought.

((I <3 Premium membership for a lot of the features (editing & bookmarks & the private trauma diary are my favorites), even if I've let mine lapse temporarily. ))

 

[sun seeker]

This is a technique akin to writing or acting, where you take 'the kernel of truth'-of what you want to talk about (e.g. feeling sad, enraged, terrified, etc.) and embed the kernel of truth in a person and scenario that is close, but not exact.

I've done something like this with a friend. It's good to express some things this way. Gives a little distance from the trauma and helps to see it more clearly. It probably helps with processing, too, by making you think not so much about the details and more about the essence, i.e. how it is affecting you.

I don't think I could do this with what I am (not) talking about at the moment though, partly because it still wouldn't let me talk about it publicly and partly because what I need to express is pretty specific.

 

[sun seeker]

Thanks @FridayJones, those are some details I wasn't aware of.

I think, unless this situation goes on longer than I think it is going to, I'll tough it out until I am free to talk. That will be a... I don't know if "happy day" is exactly the right expression because my feelings about it are complicated. (And because, as I complained about on another thread recently, I can't feel happy.) But different, for sure. It will shift a lot of things in my life.

Good to know the options though, thanks.

 

[Ronin]

I'm thinking of a different thing that wasn't brought up yet as far as I see - unless you name names and such identifying things, it could still be any random Jane Doe posting. I mean, even very concrete abuse issues are still something fairly common within this and that abused populations, I'd consider it may not be enough to track you solely by the content.

(Seriously relating, by the way. Just recalling things I've been paranoid to all hells about sharing even in a very vague way, led to commentary of 'chill, I wouldn't know it's you if I didn't have that from you' from people I consulted it with years after.)

 

[illusionist]

Thanks Friday for that info regarding the Premium Membership....I'm sure this will help me a lot....was wondering what to spend my overtime on! Couldn't think of money better spent at the moment...thanks!

 

[deer_in_headlights]

Dear @sun seeker :hug:

It's very difficult having to stay in hiding, watch every word we say or write. It's difficult beyond words being in a situation where we know if someone wants to silence us, they can. :(
(Sociopathic narcissists sure know how to destroy lives!)

Edit: No: they have frightened us in the past, letting us see and experience their power over us. But we have power within and around us, too.

I hope your liberation comes soon!!!!

:hug::hug::hug: ((((((((((((Sun Seeker))))))))))))))) :hug::hug::hug:

P.S. Our allies include:
Here!
Therapists
Impact Model Mugging training (many forms of self-defense training, including physical and emotional self-protection from abusers)
My best: putting on the armor of God - it is real. Many miracles are associated with this... (Ephesians 6) (Some good explanations and how-to's are on YouTube)

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

None of my family know I PTSD I just couldn't handle the questions. No one knows I was raped.

It's difficult living a lie or more of a half truth. I don't really tell them anything all they know is I have mental health issues.

I'm scared to write too much personal stuff incase they find out. <~ god that sounds crazy. There's another trauma that no one knows about just my partner. I have written about it here before but it makes me very anxious that I can't delete the post.

A few months ago I had a bit of a crazy spell and I wanted to delete my account and I wanted all my posts deleted. I was a bit of a dick to some staff members and other members. Just the thought if all my information out there and that it freaked me out. Not that that's an excuse to be a dick it's totally not.

Now I'm coping a bit better with it. I can be a bit vague and I'll lie a bit or give examples that are not my own. If that makes sense. So for example instead of it being my brother that did something to upset me I change it to my friend. So your getting it out and getting advice but not making yourself feel too exposed.

I have a good old fashioned hand written journal I keep hidden from even my other half, (not that he would read it) for things I need out that I don't feel comfortable writing here.

 

[illusionist]

Thanks for this thread sun seeker.....

I have pondered over this since reading and realise I have a few reasons why I hold back....

1. I'm ashamed of appearing vulnerable.
2. People may know me.
3. I find it difficult to put my feelings into words.
4. I feel that I have no reason to be understood by others.
5. I fear people showing sympathy.
6. My thoughts are often rambled...I can't understand them half the time...so how can anyone else.
7.There are things I cannot talk about in an open forum......this includes my family....I respect their personal life....I often struggle in relationships with them but cannot ask for advice due to that respect.